*curls up in a ball*
Why is it so easy to concentrate on the negative?
I have a job, but the hours are too few. I'm hardly making enough to make my car payments and pay for gas, leaving almost nothing left over. At least I can keep my car.
I keep getting rejection after rejection on job applications. I'm so jaded at this point that I'm worried that it's beginning to show. People want someone who's high energy, not someone who has to struggle to even remain calm.
Seems like everything I touch breaks. My sister's car battery was dead when I tried to use her car earlier this week. (Had to borrow it because thanks to short hours, I couldn't make my car payment. Who the feck came up with the On-Time system anyway?) Yesterday, the dryer stopped producing heat to dry clothes while I was trying to do laundry yesterday. And for some flaming reason, the bedroom lately will start to smell like puke for no reason. Believe me, I check for possible kitty fluids, and there are none there. So, rather puzzled.
Been fighting a cold most of the week, and just doesn't seem to want to bugger off. That and the phantom puke smell are what's got me up at 5:00 am.
But then I look at some of the things my friends are going through and I feel guilty about being so frustrated with life. I mean, who the hell am I to complain? I have a roof over my head, thanks to wonderful family. I still at least have a car, even if it's not always able to run. I have work. I have clothes. Hell, I have a computer with internet access!
So, why do I keep hating my current situation? It could be so much worse, but I keep being frustrated that I'm not self sufficient. I miss my cats so much it aches. I'm tired of not having control over my life. I don't remember the last time I felt at ease.
I guess what I'm really feeling right now is like a failure, but very selfish at the same time.
I'm beginning to think I need counseling. Just not sure how I might go about getting it.
I have a job, but the hours are too few. I'm hardly making enough to make my car payments and pay for gas, leaving almost nothing left over. At least I can keep my car.
I keep getting rejection after rejection on job applications. I'm so jaded at this point that I'm worried that it's beginning to show. People want someone who's high energy, not someone who has to struggle to even remain calm.
Seems like everything I touch breaks. My sister's car battery was dead when I tried to use her car earlier this week. (Had to borrow it because thanks to short hours, I couldn't make my car payment. Who the feck came up with the On-Time system anyway?) Yesterday, the dryer stopped producing heat to dry clothes while I was trying to do laundry yesterday. And for some flaming reason, the bedroom lately will start to smell like puke for no reason. Believe me, I check for possible kitty fluids, and there are none there. So, rather puzzled.
Been fighting a cold most of the week, and just doesn't seem to want to bugger off. That and the phantom puke smell are what's got me up at 5:00 am.
But then I look at some of the things my friends are going through and I feel guilty about being so frustrated with life. I mean, who the hell am I to complain? I have a roof over my head, thanks to wonderful family. I still at least have a car, even if it's not always able to run. I have work. I have clothes. Hell, I have a computer with internet access!
So, why do I keep hating my current situation? It could be so much worse, but I keep being frustrated that I'm not self sufficient. I miss my cats so much it aches. I'm tired of not having control over my life. I don't remember the last time I felt at ease.
I guess what I'm really feeling right now is like a failure, but very selfish at the same time.
I'm beginning to think I need counseling. Just not sure how I might go about getting it.