Legacy/ Oneshot
Title : Legacy
Chapter(s) : Oneshot (1/1)
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG
Genre : AU, Angst, Romance.
Band(s) : alice nine.
Warning(s) : Character death.
Pairing(s) : ToraxSaga, ToraxKeiko Kitagawa
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Sometimes, a legacy is needed for us to be reminded forever of the ones we love and Tora did, and was lucky enough to receive another legacy in return.
Comments : Another new oneshot fic from me! This fic is for junakabisque because she was the one who gave me the prompt. I was also taking a break from writing As The Last Withered Falls so..yeah and yes, don't judge the character death! I promise it'll be worth it! ::grins::
He didn’t know how long he had been standing in front the mirror. He stared at himself over and over again but it seemed that the frown on his face never left. Saga sighed and rubbed his face in hoping to wipe off the frown that had been forming since he got ready. He thought back at the reason why his face was like this at the first place.
Right.
Tonight was his campus’ reunion party at some small ramen restaurant. It wasn’t the whole crew of his year but some that he knows were coming and of course, his entire best friends were coming too…even him; Saga’s most precious best friend that he accidentally fell in love with. The man that had been the closest one to Saga ever since their high school years and somewhere along the way, Saga fell for the man. He confessed then after their college graduation party. It was wrong to confess at that time and Saga knew the answer, but even so, he had to confess because it was eating him alive, plus; Tora was leaving the city and who knows when they would meet again. Yes, his name is Tora.
“We can always keep in contact, you know. I promise I’ll never change my number.” Tora said with a smile after hearing Saga’s sadness.
“No… that’s not it…” Saga mumbled and looked down, avoiding Tora’s gaze.
Tora smiled again softly. “Saga…” He put both of his hands on Saga’s shoulder. “You know that you’ll always be my best friend; someone very precious to me. We’ll always be friends, don’t you ever worry about that.” He said in a soothing tone.
Saga closed his eyes and tried to hold back the words he was going to say. He knew that it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself. He lifted his head and cupped Tora’s face with both of his hands.
“Tora, I love you.” He finally uttered the words in one go.
Tora blinked a few times before laughing at Saga’s confession. He nodded and patted the younger man’s head.
“I know, I love you too, bud.”
“No! I love you romantically! Not just as friends… but as… lovers.” He said desperately.
The words sank in then and Tora’s eyes went wide. He stared at Saga horridly as he shook his head and clutched Saga’s hands, clinging to it, trying to grasp reality.
“No…No… No!” He said almost audibly and moved his head out of Saga’s grasp. “No, you can’t do this!” Tora finally shouted lowly with pain etched on his face.
Saga lowered his head again and clutched his chest. He knew it would hurt this much but still; experiencing it was even more painful than he thought. He looked up again with a more serious expression.
“I’m sorry but it’s the truth! I don’t know when I started to have these feelings. It came along the way and the more I think about it, the more I fell for you. I’m in love with you, Tora!” Saga said as he tried to convince the other man that he was serious.
Tora stared in disbelieve again and gapped. He shook his head; trying desperately to convince himself that this wasn’t true. Saga can’t fall in love with him. This was never supposed to happen.
“Saga, you know that I already have someone!”
“Yes, I do. I know it’s wrong but damn it, I just had to tell you.” Saga was breathing heavily now and he took one of Tora’s hands again. “Tora, I’ve been your best friend for almost 12 years now. I know you better than that girl, so please, please love me back.”
Tora looked down at Saga and frowned. “Saga, please don’t do this. You know, I can’t love you and I don’t love you, not romantically. You know that I already have another person in my heart… there’s no way for you to be able to take a stand.” He backed away and averted his gaze. “There’s no space for you even in the corner of my heart.” He whispered almost painfully.
Saga looked down at the floor again to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. He had predicted that the rejection would be painful, but he was desperate and kept a little bit of hope that maybe Tora wasn’t serious with the girl and give him a chance. His hope was futile though, Tora was already in love with the girl.
Saga couldn’t hold back the pain anymore and choked a sob. “But I love you… I love you… so much…” He breathed almost audibly.
Tora was torn. He cared for Saga and seeing the man broken like this pains him but even so, he had to tell the truth. It was the most honest answer that he doesn’t feel anything for Saga other than care for him as a friend. He hated that this had to happen because he didn’t want to lose Saga as his best friend. He couldn’t keep Saga though because he knew how unrequited love feels and he can’t give those feelings to the other man.
Tora walked closer again and put his hands on Saga’s shoulders again as the younger man slowly lifted his head to look at the person he could never have.
“If you love me, then love me secretly, Saga. Keep it to yourself because you can’t give me this responsibility. You know the person whom I love is clearly not you so, love me secretly. I’m sorry I won’t be able to return it to you…”
Each and every word Tora uttered were like a stabbing knife to his heart for Saga.
“I know the road of grief and I can see the sadness in this path. But I can’t do it; I can’t go on with you. So my advice to you, please leave from me. No matter how hard it may be, please don't love me like a fool. I don’t want to see you in pain so please don’t give me the signs that you love me.”
Saga was sobbing by then and hugged Tora. He didn’t care if the man will push him away. He just wanted to feel Tora against him before letting him go forever.
“I can’t walk the road of grief, Tora. I’d rather walk the road to hell than walking the road of grief.” Saga whispered between his sobs and hugged the other man tighter.
Tora didn’t hug him back; he just put his hand on the man’s head instead and said,
“No, you can get through this. You’re a strong person, Saga and I’m sure you’ll find someone better. I’m really sure.”
Saga tried to sink in the words that Tora just uttered and the painful reality. He cried for a good whole minutes and finally died down. He took another sniff and let go of his best friend as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. His head was still lowered down as he took a very deep breath.
“You’re right… I can get through this… It’ll pass, won’t it?” Saga said as he smiled sadly.
Tora cupped Saga’s face in one hand and slowly lifted the younger man’s head. Saga’s eyes were red and tired. Tora couldn’t stand the painful sight and softly caressed Saga’s cheek with his thumb.
“I know it’s gonna give you more pain to say this-which I don’t want to-but, we can always remain friends. I’ll always be here for you.” Tora said in a soft voice.
Saga’s smile went wider and nodded. “Thanks. I really appreciate that. And… please, let my confession just be a secret between us.”
“Sure.”
Saga nodded appreciatively and forced a smile again. “I’m gonna go now and wash my face.” He said almost choking.
Tora let go of Saga’s face as Saga backed away. Tora nodded and Saga smiled for the last time. He turned and started to walk away from Tora before halting. Tora gave a bewildered look when the man turned halfway again.
“I hope you’re happy with her. I’ll always pray for the best.” Saga said and turned again, walking away.
“Thanks…!” Tora shouted whole-heartedly.
Saga nodded and finally left the room, unbeknown by Tora that tears were flowing gently on his beautiful face.
Saga’s reverie was broken by the sound of his cell phone. He looked around and found the piece of electronic laying there on his bed. He flipped pushed the Home button of his iPhone and found that there was an iMessage from one of his best friends, Nao. His friend texted that he was already in front of his apartment and Saga gave a quick reply, saying that he will be there in a few seconds. Saga put his phone inside his jeans pocket and looked at himself on the mirror one last time. He nodded and took his blazer from the bed and put it on while exiting his bedroom. He prayed then in hoping that today was going to be okay.
○●○●○
By the time Saga and Nao arrived, the restaurant was already packed. Saga could see familiar faces; both the ones he knows in person and just knows. He watched as some of them were already engaged into a conversation and some of them still eating their ramens. Saga scanned the place again and saw a familiar brown haired guy chatting with a blond. He smiled when the brown haired guy noticed him and called his name.
“Yo! Saga!”
Saga grinned and walked to the two guys.
“Shou! Hiroto! God, how I miss you both!”
Saga said as he hugged both of his best friends and they returned it happily. When they were apart, the three of the laughed and saw Nao finally coming to them too. They hugged again and started to start a conversation, asking about what they were doing for the past 6 years. Well, except for Nao and Saga. They were both still in the same town and were still be able to hangout every twice and sometimes thrice a week. Saga learned that Shou has just proposed Hiroto three days ago but they didn’t set a date when their wedding will be held. Saga was happy hearing that. After ten years of dating, they finally made it to the next step.
“So, is Tora coming?”
Saga stopped at the question Hiroto just uttered.
“He told me he will be here.”
Saga frowned at Shou’s answer. His throat somehow suddenly becomes dry and he excused himself to get a drink, offering Nao if he wanted one or not. Nao politely refused and Saga nodded. He walked to the drink buffet and took a glass of water as his mind began to wonder. Even after 6 years, the mention of his name would still make his heart tingle. Saga sighed and took a long sip of his drink. He took a deep breath again to calm his nervousness. He glanced at his group of friends again and nearly skipped a beat when he saw the man he was trying to move on so much was already there, hugging his best friends…well, his best friends too.
He saw as the others laughed with Tora and somehow he was back in their days again. Saga stared at Tora longingly and looked at his wrist watch. He had just been here only an hour or less and it would be impolite to leave now. Even so, Saga didn’t want to chicken out either. Truth to be told that he missed Tora so much that he wanted to talk to Tora. Hearing his voice on the phone wasn’t enough.
When he lifted his head again, he was a little bit startled when his eyes met with Tora’s and he was even more surprised when he realized that they were not so far away from each other. There was an awkward silence for a while before Tora smiled and walked closer to the other man.
“Can’t I get a hug from an old friend?” He asked amusedly with his arms open.
Saga couldn’t help but smile at the retort and hugged his long time best friend. He was glad that the hug was warm and not awkward. It was really like a reunion between friends even though it only lasted a few seconds. When they were apart, Tora patted Saga’s shoulder.
“How have you been, Saga?” He asked with interest.
“I’ve been doing great, thanks. I hope you are too.” He answered smoothly.
Tora smiled wider. “I’m more than great. Life has been very good to me.” He grinned.
Saga couldn’t help but laugh. It really was good to see Tora again. Tora didn’t change at all, same as he had last seen him except that his hair was longer and he was more mature-business man type, even if he was wearing casual clothes. He also realized that Tora wore glasses now but it doesn’t affect his handsome features.
After a few questions of life, Tora and Saga agreed to go back to the rest and catch up. Saga then found out that the day wasn’t bad at all. He was having fun chatting with his best friends again. There was one thing though that makes Saga uncomfortable. Tora was still with the girl he dated. It shouldn’t surprise him though. Tora was a faithful man and that was one of the reasons why Saga fell in love with him. Maybe Saga could also say that he was too because look at him; holding with one person even though he could never have him.
Suddenly, the crowd went silent and he realized that Tora was standing up. He looked up at the man and waited for the man to speak.
“My fellow friends, I have an announcement to make.” Tora said with a wide smile on his face.
The crowd waited in anticipation and so did his best friends. Saga was too but somehow, somewhere deep inside his heart, he didn’t like what Tora was going to say next, and his nightmare came true, along with the painful stab in his chest.
Tora….was getting married? Worse… in two weeks?!
“So I hope you can all come to this special ceremony.”
He heard Tora say, voice clear with pure happiness while Saga’s heart was shattering into pieces. Tora wasn’t kidding when he said that he was serious with this girl. Oh, had he mentioned her name? No? Okay. Her name was Keiko. Kitagawa Keiko. She was a year younger than Saga and three years younger than Tora. Saga had witness their first encounter and he regretted that he was the one who introduced her to Tora one afternoon in the library.
Saga could feel that his entire organs went limp. His heart beat faster than normal and his breathing became ragged than usual. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, trying to take a grip of himself. He was a little bit embarrassed when Nao caught what was happening to him and asked him, voice full of concern. Saga was glad then he was a bit calmer and got the strength to look up at Nao with a faint smile.
“I’m fine…” He lied.
He got up and slowly walked up to Tora. Tora turned from the crowd and found his best friend standing in front of him. He smiled when he received a friendly hug from the younger man.
“Congratulations…” Saga said as he let go. “I never thought that you’re going to settle down this early.” He said, surprised that his voice can let out a bit of humor at a time like this.
Tora laughed. “Saga, 30 is not early! I’m already on my third decade. I think it’s average.” He said amusedly.
“You’re right. Does that mean I have to settle down too in a couple of years?” Saga asked rhetorically.
Tora chuckled. “Maybe, maybe not. Have you found anyone that catches your heart recently?”
Saga froze for mere seconds and laughed. “No. It’s hard to find someone else when your heart is too deeply in love, ne?”
Tora gave him a bewildered look and Saga went uneasy. He smiled and patted Tora’s shoulder.
“I’m going to the bathroom.”
He excused and headed for the bathroom. By the time Saga arrived in front of the bathroom door, his stomach’s suddenly felt urchin and he closed his mouth with his palm in order to prevent his stomach from filling out its contents. He hurriedly ran to one of the bathroom stalls and vomited, not knowing that the guys from outside were concerned about him.
He threw out all the contents of his stomach and flushed it when done as he grabbed some tissues before wiping his mouth with it. He sighed heavily and sat on the floor as he leaned against the stool wall, looking up at the ceiling. He thought that he was being ridiculous and pathetic; throwing up just because the love of his life was going to be someone else’s completely in just a few weeks. He admitted that after 6 years, Saga wasn’t over Tora. How could he though? Even though the incident happened, the both of them didn’t stop from being friends. They would call each other once in a while even if only lasted for a couple of minutes. Saga realized then he didn’t want to let go of Tora no matter what.
Saga sighed again and finally got up, opening the stool door; revealing a few men concerned about him.
“Hey Saga, you okay bro?” One of his friends asked.
Saga smiled and nodded. “Yeah, just feeling bit nausea for a while. I’m okay now.”
His friend nodded and Saga sauntered to the wash basin. He washed his mouth and then washed his hands. After taking a final look at himself, he smiled to his friends and left the bathroom, silently praying to himself to stay strong.
○●○●○
For the past couple of weeks after the reunion, Saga was finding hard time to sleep. His mind won’t stop thinking and relax, always racing to the day of Tora’s wedding. He was in dilemma; whether to go or not. Everyone will think that he was being a drama king for thinking this too much but really, this was a huge deal for Saga. He was afraid that he will break down if he comes but on the other side, he wants to witness Tora’s happiness. No matter how hurt it was, he still wants to see that beautiful smile of Tora’s even if it was for someone else.
Day by day, Saga couldn’t find the right decision until he finally reveals his secret that he had kept for so long. The funny thing was, Saga was the one who was surprised. Yes, Saga was surprised that Nao knew. Has Saga been that obvious? Nao didn’t even show the signs of surprise when he told him about Saga’s confession. Nao gave him an advice to come because he knew that he will regret it. Even though it hurts, it’s not worth to miss Tora’s happiest day. Saga could only frown and pondered about it more.
Here he was though, in a dark blue suit, standing in front of the door to the room where the wedding was held. The ceremony hasn’t started yet but there were a few of people who already came. He turned to Nao and received an encouraging smile from his best friend. Saga took a deep breath and went in. The people inside there were families both Tora and Keiko’s. He followed Nao and soon met up with Shou and Hiroto. He wasn’t really paying attention to what they were talking about. His mind was too occupied with how beautiful the place was.
“C’mon Saga, we’re going to Tora’s dressing room, giving him our wishes.” Nao said as he put a hand on Saga’s shoulder.
Saga merely nodded and followed the rest. When they arrived at Tora’s dressing room, Saga’s breath hitched for a few seconds, seeing the handsome man in front of him. Tora was already wearing a gorgeous black suit with a bowtie. His hair was combed black and wear little make-up. Saga had to blink a few times before really entering the dressing room. He stood beside Nao and smiled at his favorite best friend.
“Hey there, handsome!” Hiroto called with a cheer.
“Ready for your big day?” Shou asked with a grin as he patted Tora’s shoulder.
“Of course I am!” Tora answered with the biggest grin. “Although I’m a little bit nervous…” He added with a sigh.
“It’s normal. You ARE going to take the next huge step of your relationship so yeah, you have the right to be nervous.” Nao said.
During the whole conversation, Saga was just standing there. His mouth was tight and his mind was still racing to the thoughts; ‘Tora is going to be someone else’s forever after today.’. He couldn’t help but still feel the pain inside there. He realized then that Tora was calling to him and looking at him intently, as if hoping for Saga to say something. Saga smiled softly and took Tora’s hands.
“May you lead a happy marriage life, Tora.” He said, surprisingly sincere.
Tora then did something that Saga never expected. The elder man hugged him tight enough and muttered a ‘Thank you’. Saga could only smile softly and hugged back, drowning the warmth radiating from the other’s body. After parting, the boys talk more and give Tora their words of support. Tora just laughed and thanked them again.
When they finally thought that it was enough, the boys decided to leave Tora alone again. Halfway throughout exiting the room, Saga stopped and looked back at Tora then to the boys again.
“You guys go. I want to talk to Tora privately, just the two of us.” Saga requested.
The boys were worried for a second before nodding their heads and exited the dressing room. Saga closed the door and stayed there for a moment.
“You wanted to talk to me?” Tora asked, more to curious rather than bewildered.
Saga took a deep breath before turning around completely, face becoming gloomy. He started to walk then.
“For 6 years… I’ve been walking the road of grief… and even after 6 years… I couldn’t get over you. No matter how many times I tried to love someone else, it always fails and I ended up hurting them. No matter what I do, you’re always on my mind… I thought that maybe I can feel better by still being friends with you but…”
Saga was walking throughout the confession and he stopped right in front of Tora as he trailed. He looked up with a solemn look.
“It hurt twice as more…. I loved you too much, Tora.” Saga said with trembling voice.
“Saga… Please don’t do this…” Tora pleaded in almost inaudibly, voice thick with sadness.
“Are you a hundred percent sure to marry this woman, Tora?”
Tora was slightly taken aback at the question. “How dare-! Of course I’m hundred percent sure!” He answered in defense.
“Really? Because the way that I remembered, Keiko is not really your type.”
“What’s my type, then?”
“Me!” Saga said confidently but still with the solemn expression. “I know you better than anyone else. I’ve been there through your up and downs. I’ve always been there…loving you…”
“Then you should know that I love this girl very much so God help me, please accept the fact that I still don’t love you!”
The words then stabbed Saga again deep in his heart. He desperately hoped that Tora can somehow change his mind. His hope was shattered though, Tora really made up his mind to marry a girl and build a family. Being the only person Tora depended on (until Keiko comes around), Saga knows that Tora likes guys too. He dated one or two and it was the time Saga still denied his feelings toward his best friend.
Saga took a few steps back and looked down at the floor. No, he wasn’t going to cry this time. He just needed to calm down and bear with the pain inside. Tora looked away at the painful sight. He really hated seeing Saga like this. He was a bit surprised that Saga decided to bring this up again on his wedding day. He was angry, of course, but he somehow couldn’t yell fully at the younger man. He knew Saga had suffered enough and he didn’t want to add it further.
“Saga… I’m so sorry… You know I really gate seeing you in pain so please… Don’t be like this. If you really love me, then please, be happy for me…”
Saga could hear the plead in Tora’s voice and he suddenly felt bad. He had been pushing and pushing, trying desperately to change Tora’s mind where in all it was no use. They were just never meant to be together. Saga had been denying this all those 6 years. This time, he really has to move on. He had to stop and no more hopes. Tora was going to marry someone and he had to stop himself. It was time to finally accept the bitter reality.
He lifted his head with a smile and looked at Tora.
“You’re right…. I’m so sorry…” He said sincerely.
Tora was confused at first but then his lips curved slowly into a smile. He was about to say thank you when Saga suddenly asked for something he never ever expect in his entire life.
“Can I at least…get a farewell kiss from you? For the first…and the last…?”
His voice was soft and timid but Tora knew that Saga was serious.
“On the cheek, right?”
“No,” Saga’s answer was immediate. “On the lips.”
Tora froze. Seriously? Saga WANTS him to kiss him on the lips? Well, it was no surprise for him though. Saga did love him and he shouldn’t be surprised if anything like this will happen. He couldn’t though. He was not one to betray the person he loved.
“Saga, you know that-“
“I know!” Saga interjected, already knew what Tora was going to say. “But please…” He began to stutter. “I-It can b-be…just l-like my confession… n-no one has to know… it’ll b-be j-j-just our secret… I promise….” He lowered his head as he finished.
Is Saga being serious? Is his best friend asking him to betray his soon-to-be wife right on the day of his wedding? This was unbelievable! Tora would absolutely refuse....but… seeing Saga so desperately like that, Tora couldn’t refuse. He didn’t know when it started but Tora had always been weak seeing Saga’s sad face. It always made him hard to refuse whenever Saga made these kinds of faces. He was confused now.
His mind began to ponder; whether to grant Saga’s wish or not. Maybe it was okay to kiss him. It’ll be only once so it’s okay right? No one has to know…even if he had to carry the guilt forever. Or maybe Keiko will simply forgive him if he just explained her the situation. Yeah… they were going to be married afterall so she wouldn’t leave him no matter what.
Tora slowly approached him and stood right in front of Saga. Saga’s heart began to race the minute he felt Tora’s heat radiating to him. He felt Tora’s hand on his right cheek then, slowly lifting his head up. Their eyes met and he couldn’t help but blush. Tora was so close to him and he even can feel Tora’s breath against his lips. Tora’s face was blank as he felt the elder man getting closer to him. Saga didn’t want to close his eyes yet, he wanted to see Tora as he kissed him. His wish finally came true when Tora’s lips finally landed on him and Tora’s eyes were closed. He stared for a moment before closing his eyes too, feeling the warm lips against his.
Tora had to admit that Saga’s lips felt like heaven. They were soft and moist. He felt guiltier just thinking about that. He felt his body being brought closer, Saga’s arms wrapping around his torso. He knew that it was crazy but Tora could feel the love Saga was delivering through the kiss. He felt bad now but even as bad as it is, he couldn’t reciprocate Saga. He just couldn’t.
Saga almost wanted to cry when he just felt plain from Tora’s kiss. It didn’t have any feeling to it and it was just only a mere kiss. He didn’t care though, he was happy enough to just feel those lips that he had dreamed for the past 6 years. Saga took in his surroundings; the heat radiating from Tora’s body and the warmth of Tora’s hand. He wanted to treasure this in his heart for the rest of his life.
It ended all too soon because before Saga could even grasp the reality, Tora was already pulling back; still with the same expression. He closed his eyes for moment before opening it again and managed to mutter a ‘Thank you’.
Tora just stood there, unable to say anything.
“I’m indeed happy for you, Tora. I hope she is the one for you. I wish you happiness with her.” Saga said as he cupped Tora’s cheek with one hand. “Just for your information, I’m leaving this country tomorrow. I’ve been moved to another country for I don’t know how long so…” He kissed Tora’s cheek lightly. “Goodbye, Shinji.”
Saga let go of Tora and turned. When he was just about to open the door, Tora called him again and made him turn to face the other man again.
“You’ll be here until today ends, right?” Tora asked hopefully.
Saga smiled. “Of course… don’t want to miss you big day, would I?”
Tora sighed in relief hearing that and Saga finally exited the dressing room. He stayed then, witnessing Tora’s vows and the ceremony itself until it was over.
○●○●○
Tora was breathing heavily as he collapsed on the bed next to his wife. He was still high from their previous love-making session. He felt his wife cuddling next to him and he hugged her. After a few lazy kisses, Tora decided to clean up. Keiko was too tired so she stayed in bed. Tora just chuckled and got off the bed before sauntering to the bathroom. Keiko sighed and decided to turn on the television that the hotel suite has. She changed a few channels before some news caught hear ears and eyes. She stayed to that channel and was surprised to see what happened in it.
“Oh my… there had been a suicide bombing in Japan… and it’s in a plane!” She responded to the news. “Shinji, dear, hurry! You have to see this!”
Tora hurriedly ran to the front of the television and sat on the edge of the bed, watching the news. The accident had happened this morning and it was indeed a suicide bomb, exploding just after take-off. He winced when he saw the footage.
“That’s really bad… My heart goes to the families…” Tora empathized.
Keiko also frowned and nodded, agreeing with her husband.
They continued to watch the news and later on, the names of the victims were on the screen. There were 200 in the plane and a hundred of them had been identified. Tora’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the familiar name. He blinked several times and turned to his wife; expression just as the same.
“Were my eyes playing tricks on me?” He asked in a whisper, afraid if he was loud, he would shatter the dream.
Keiko’s frown went deeper. “I…don’t think so, honey…” She answered hesitantly.
Tora turned to the television again and there was a second time in showing the victim’s names that had been identified. Keiko was right; Tora’s eyes were not playing tricks on him. His heart paced faster and faster as the air became thick and he was suffocating. Keiko immediately shifted to her husband and hugged him tightly.
“Oh honey… I’m so sorry…” Keiko whispered.
Tora was desperately trying to breath. He glanced at the clock and realized that it was nighttime now in Japan with two hours difference ahead in where he was currently in for his honeymoon. Tora untangled himself from his wife’s embrace and picked up the hotel’s phone. He requested the receptionist to call abroad and he punched in the numbers, panicking. After the fourth ring, he hurriedly asked his best friend without prep talks.
“Shou! I… I just saw the news a-and…” He stuttered, unable to say it. “I-Is it true…?”
Tora was afraid of the answer. He really hoped that it wasn’t the person with the man he knew. After long silence, Shou finally spoke up.
“It’s…true, Tora. I just got out of the hospital. His family is holding the funeral tomorrow.”
Tora’s eyes went wide and jaw dropped in shock. He dropped the phone and dropped himself on the bed. His elbows were resting on his knees as he buried his face in his propped palm.
“It can’t be…” He whispered gravely.
Keiko walked to him again and embraced him tightly, unable to say anything.
○●○●○
Tora walked slowly inside the wide cemetery, holding a bouquet of flowers. His face was grim and he eyes were bowed down. He trusted his instinct to take him to where his destination was. The weather was strangely warm and bright, even if he was gloomy. When he finally arrived at his destination, he lifted his head and read the name of the tombstone: Sakamoto Takashi. He kneeled in front of it and put the bouquet of flowers gently on top of the grave. He closed his eyes then and prayed. When he finished, he opened his eyes again and smiled sadly.
“Hey there, bud… how are you? I’m sure you’re doing great up there, huh?” He said with a smile.
That day, after Tora found out about the accident and his breakdown, he hurriedly return back to Japan and attended the funeral. He was still in denial that his best friend was gone and he didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye to him. After the wedding, Saga left without a word although he had stayed until the end. And when Tora left for his honeymoon, he didn’t know that Saga had left too. He had wished to see him one more time and he did, but it was different because he met with a lifeless Saga inside the coffin.
“I miss you, you know. I also wanted to tell you that you were right. You were the one for me because you understand me better than anyone else. Not even Keiko…could surpass that.”
It was true. After three years of marriage, his and Keiko’s relationship had started to fall apart. Both realized that they were different afterall and when they were dealing with the divorce papers, Keiko found out that she was pregnant. Keiko had threatened that she will do an abortion if Tora doesn’t give her half the share and Tora was cornered. After the baby was born, the divorce was official and Keiko gave the baby boy to him then abandoned them both. Tora became a single parent then.
“It’s been ten years since you’ve been gone and I still can’t grasp the fact that you’re gone. I wanted to thank you also for helping me. I know that you’ve been guarding me ever since then… I can feel it. It’s because of you that I can get through all of that and raised a wonderful son. Your love for me…it has always been endless, is it? I know it’s not the right time to say this but… I regretted for not choosing you. I’ve been a fool, Saga. I’m so sorry…”
Tora held back a sob and took a deep breath.
“Thank you for never stop loving me. Even in death, you still love me. I’m sorry I couldn’t say these words when you’re alive but… I love you, too. Maybe in another life, we can be together for real.” He finally wiped a tear and smiled. “I’ll be back again… See you soon.”
With a pat on the tombstone, Tora stood up and turned. He walked back to the cemetery gate and saw a little boy running from the small shop across the cemetery.
“Daddyyyyyy, you were long!” The little boy whined.
Tora chuckled and took the little boys hand.
“I’m sorry, Takashi. I had to have a moment there…” He said as they started to walk down the street.
Takashi’s eyes lifted up to his father curiously. “Whose grave were you seeing anyway?”
Tora gave him a soft, longing smile. “Someone important to me.”
Takashi just gave a low ‘Oh’ and continued to look on what was in front of him. Tora held his son’s hand even tighter as they were about to cross the street. He looked back at the cemetery and smiled. Yes, Saga was important in his life that he had to leave his legacy in the name of his son. It was the least he could do and so he will always be reminded of Saga’s love.
~ Owari ~
...... Let's play a game, shall we? There are many full stops right? Squint your eyes at the end of the story and you can find the link of the alternate ending of this fic! XD Happy playing and reading ~ XD
Chapter(s) : Oneshot (1/1)
Author : tigerxbutterfly
Rating : PG
Genre : AU, Angst, Romance.
Band(s) : alice nine.
Warning(s) : Character death.
Pairing(s) : ToraxSaga, ToraxKeiko Kitagawa
Disclaimer : If they were mine, I'd prefer to make a movie.
Summary : Sometimes, a legacy is needed for us to be reminded forever of the ones we love and Tora did, and was lucky enough to receive another legacy in return.
Comments : Another new oneshot fic from me! This fic is for junakabisque because she was the one who gave me the prompt. I was also taking a break from writing As The Last Withered Falls so..yeah and yes, don't judge the character death! I promise it'll be worth it! ::grins::
He didn’t know how long he had been standing in front the mirror. He stared at himself over and over again but it seemed that the frown on his face never left. Saga sighed and rubbed his face in hoping to wipe off the frown that had been forming since he got ready. He thought back at the reason why his face was like this at the first place.
Right.
Tonight was his campus’ reunion party at some small ramen restaurant. It wasn’t the whole crew of his year but some that he knows were coming and of course, his entire best friends were coming too…even him; Saga’s most precious best friend that he accidentally fell in love with. The man that had been the closest one to Saga ever since their high school years and somewhere along the way, Saga fell for the man. He confessed then after their college graduation party. It was wrong to confess at that time and Saga knew the answer, but even so, he had to confess because it was eating him alive, plus; Tora was leaving the city and who knows when they would meet again. Yes, his name is Tora.
“We can always keep in contact, you know. I promise I’ll never change my number.” Tora said with a smile after hearing Saga’s sadness.
“No… that’s not it…” Saga mumbled and looked down, avoiding Tora’s gaze.
Tora smiled again softly. “Saga…” He put both of his hands on Saga’s shoulder. “You know that you’ll always be my best friend; someone very precious to me. We’ll always be friends, don’t you ever worry about that.” He said in a soothing tone.
Saga closed his eyes and tried to hold back the words he was going to say. He knew that it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself. He lifted his head and cupped Tora’s face with both of his hands.
“Tora, I love you.” He finally uttered the words in one go.
Tora blinked a few times before laughing at Saga’s confession. He nodded and patted the younger man’s head.
“I know, I love you too, bud.”
“No! I love you romantically! Not just as friends… but as… lovers.” He said desperately.
The words sank in then and Tora’s eyes went wide. He stared at Saga horridly as he shook his head and clutched Saga’s hands, clinging to it, trying to grasp reality.
“No…No… No!” He said almost audibly and moved his head out of Saga’s grasp. “No, you can’t do this!” Tora finally shouted lowly with pain etched on his face.
Saga lowered his head again and clutched his chest. He knew it would hurt this much but still; experiencing it was even more painful than he thought. He looked up again with a more serious expression.
“I’m sorry but it’s the truth! I don’t know when I started to have these feelings. It came along the way and the more I think about it, the more I fell for you. I’m in love with you, Tora!” Saga said as he tried to convince the other man that he was serious.
Tora stared in disbelieve again and gapped. He shook his head; trying desperately to convince himself that this wasn’t true. Saga can’t fall in love with him. This was never supposed to happen.
“Saga, you know that I already have someone!”
“Yes, I do. I know it’s wrong but damn it, I just had to tell you.” Saga was breathing heavily now and he took one of Tora’s hands again. “Tora, I’ve been your best friend for almost 12 years now. I know you better than that girl, so please, please love me back.”
Tora looked down at Saga and frowned. “Saga, please don’t do this. You know, I can’t love you and I don’t love you, not romantically. You know that I already have another person in my heart… there’s no way for you to be able to take a stand.” He backed away and averted his gaze. “There’s no space for you even in the corner of my heart.” He whispered almost painfully.
Saga looked down at the floor again to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. He had predicted that the rejection would be painful, but he was desperate and kept a little bit of hope that maybe Tora wasn’t serious with the girl and give him a chance. His hope was futile though, Tora was already in love with the girl.
Saga couldn’t hold back the pain anymore and choked a sob. “But I love you… I love you… so much…” He breathed almost audibly.
Tora was torn. He cared for Saga and seeing the man broken like this pains him but even so, he had to tell the truth. It was the most honest answer that he doesn’t feel anything for Saga other than care for him as a friend. He hated that this had to happen because he didn’t want to lose Saga as his best friend. He couldn’t keep Saga though because he knew how unrequited love feels and he can’t give those feelings to the other man.
Tora walked closer again and put his hands on Saga’s shoulders again as the younger man slowly lifted his head to look at the person he could never have.
“If you love me, then love me secretly, Saga. Keep it to yourself because you can’t give me this responsibility. You know the person whom I love is clearly not you so, love me secretly. I’m sorry I won’t be able to return it to you…”
Each and every word Tora uttered were like a stabbing knife to his heart for Saga.
“I know the road of grief and I can see the sadness in this path. But I can’t do it; I can’t go on with you. So my advice to you, please leave from me. No matter how hard it may be, please don't love me like a fool. I don’t want to see you in pain so please don’t give me the signs that you love me.”
Saga was sobbing by then and hugged Tora. He didn’t care if the man will push him away. He just wanted to feel Tora against him before letting him go forever.
“I can’t walk the road of grief, Tora. I’d rather walk the road to hell than walking the road of grief.” Saga whispered between his sobs and hugged the other man tighter.
Tora didn’t hug him back; he just put his hand on the man’s head instead and said,
“No, you can get through this. You’re a strong person, Saga and I’m sure you’ll find someone better. I’m really sure.”
Saga tried to sink in the words that Tora just uttered and the painful reality. He cried for a good whole minutes and finally died down. He took another sniff and let go of his best friend as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. His head was still lowered down as he took a very deep breath.
“You’re right… I can get through this… It’ll pass, won’t it?” Saga said as he smiled sadly.
Tora cupped Saga’s face in one hand and slowly lifted the younger man’s head. Saga’s eyes were red and tired. Tora couldn’t stand the painful sight and softly caressed Saga’s cheek with his thumb.
“I know it’s gonna give you more pain to say this-which I don’t want to-but, we can always remain friends. I’ll always be here for you.” Tora said in a soft voice.
Saga’s smile went wider and nodded. “Thanks. I really appreciate that. And… please, let my confession just be a secret between us.”
“Sure.”
Saga nodded appreciatively and forced a smile again. “I’m gonna go now and wash my face.” He said almost choking.
Tora let go of Saga’s face as Saga backed away. Tora nodded and Saga smiled for the last time. He turned and started to walk away from Tora before halting. Tora gave a bewildered look when the man turned halfway again.
“I hope you’re happy with her. I’ll always pray for the best.” Saga said and turned again, walking away.
“Thanks…!” Tora shouted whole-heartedly.
Saga nodded and finally left the room, unbeknown by Tora that tears were flowing gently on his beautiful face.
Saga’s reverie was broken by the sound of his cell phone. He looked around and found the piece of electronic laying there on his bed. He flipped pushed the Home button of his iPhone and found that there was an iMessage from one of his best friends, Nao. His friend texted that he was already in front of his apartment and Saga gave a quick reply, saying that he will be there in a few seconds. Saga put his phone inside his jeans pocket and looked at himself on the mirror one last time. He nodded and took his blazer from the bed and put it on while exiting his bedroom. He prayed then in hoping that today was going to be okay.
○●○●○
By the time Saga and Nao arrived, the restaurant was already packed. Saga could see familiar faces; both the ones he knows in person and just knows. He watched as some of them were already engaged into a conversation and some of them still eating their ramens. Saga scanned the place again and saw a familiar brown haired guy chatting with a blond. He smiled when the brown haired guy noticed him and called his name.
“Yo! Saga!”
Saga grinned and walked to the two guys.
“Shou! Hiroto! God, how I miss you both!”
Saga said as he hugged both of his best friends and they returned it happily. When they were apart, the three of the laughed and saw Nao finally coming to them too. They hugged again and started to start a conversation, asking about what they were doing for the past 6 years. Well, except for Nao and Saga. They were both still in the same town and were still be able to hangout every twice and sometimes thrice a week. Saga learned that Shou has just proposed Hiroto three days ago but they didn’t set a date when their wedding will be held. Saga was happy hearing that. After ten years of dating, they finally made it to the next step.
“So, is Tora coming?”
Saga stopped at the question Hiroto just uttered.
“He told me he will be here.”
Saga frowned at Shou’s answer. His throat somehow suddenly becomes dry and he excused himself to get a drink, offering Nao if he wanted one or not. Nao politely refused and Saga nodded. He walked to the drink buffet and took a glass of water as his mind began to wonder. Even after 6 years, the mention of his name would still make his heart tingle. Saga sighed and took a long sip of his drink. He took a deep breath again to calm his nervousness. He glanced at his group of friends again and nearly skipped a beat when he saw the man he was trying to move on so much was already there, hugging his best friends…well, his best friends too.
He saw as the others laughed with Tora and somehow he was back in their days again. Saga stared at Tora longingly and looked at his wrist watch. He had just been here only an hour or less and it would be impolite to leave now. Even so, Saga didn’t want to chicken out either. Truth to be told that he missed Tora so much that he wanted to talk to Tora. Hearing his voice on the phone wasn’t enough.
When he lifted his head again, he was a little bit startled when his eyes met with Tora’s and he was even more surprised when he realized that they were not so far away from each other. There was an awkward silence for a while before Tora smiled and walked closer to the other man.
“Can’t I get a hug from an old friend?” He asked amusedly with his arms open.
Saga couldn’t help but smile at the retort and hugged his long time best friend. He was glad that the hug was warm and not awkward. It was really like a reunion between friends even though it only lasted a few seconds. When they were apart, Tora patted Saga’s shoulder.
“How have you been, Saga?” He asked with interest.
“I’ve been doing great, thanks. I hope you are too.” He answered smoothly.
Tora smiled wider. “I’m more than great. Life has been very good to me.” He grinned.
Saga couldn’t help but laugh. It really was good to see Tora again. Tora didn’t change at all, same as he had last seen him except that his hair was longer and he was more mature-business man type, even if he was wearing casual clothes. He also realized that Tora wore glasses now but it doesn’t affect his handsome features.
After a few questions of life, Tora and Saga agreed to go back to the rest and catch up. Saga then found out that the day wasn’t bad at all. He was having fun chatting with his best friends again. There was one thing though that makes Saga uncomfortable. Tora was still with the girl he dated. It shouldn’t surprise him though. Tora was a faithful man and that was one of the reasons why Saga fell in love with him. Maybe Saga could also say that he was too because look at him; holding with one person even though he could never have him.
Suddenly, the crowd went silent and he realized that Tora was standing up. He looked up at the man and waited for the man to speak.
“My fellow friends, I have an announcement to make.” Tora said with a wide smile on his face.
The crowd waited in anticipation and so did his best friends. Saga was too but somehow, somewhere deep inside his heart, he didn’t like what Tora was going to say next, and his nightmare came true, along with the painful stab in his chest.
Tora….was getting married? Worse… in two weeks?!
“So I hope you can all come to this special ceremony.”
He heard Tora say, voice clear with pure happiness while Saga’s heart was shattering into pieces. Tora wasn’t kidding when he said that he was serious with this girl. Oh, had he mentioned her name? No? Okay. Her name was Keiko. Kitagawa Keiko. She was a year younger than Saga and three years younger than Tora. Saga had witness their first encounter and he regretted that he was the one who introduced her to Tora one afternoon in the library.
Saga could feel that his entire organs went limp. His heart beat faster than normal and his breathing became ragged than usual. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, trying to take a grip of himself. He was a little bit embarrassed when Nao caught what was happening to him and asked him, voice full of concern. Saga was glad then he was a bit calmer and got the strength to look up at Nao with a faint smile.
“I’m fine…” He lied.
He got up and slowly walked up to Tora. Tora turned from the crowd and found his best friend standing in front of him. He smiled when he received a friendly hug from the younger man.
“Congratulations…” Saga said as he let go. “I never thought that you’re going to settle down this early.” He said, surprised that his voice can let out a bit of humor at a time like this.
Tora laughed. “Saga, 30 is not early! I’m already on my third decade. I think it’s average.” He said amusedly.
“You’re right. Does that mean I have to settle down too in a couple of years?” Saga asked rhetorically.
Tora chuckled. “Maybe, maybe not. Have you found anyone that catches your heart recently?”
Saga froze for mere seconds and laughed. “No. It’s hard to find someone else when your heart is too deeply in love, ne?”
Tora gave him a bewildered look and Saga went uneasy. He smiled and patted Tora’s shoulder.
“I’m going to the bathroom.”
He excused and headed for the bathroom. By the time Saga arrived in front of the bathroom door, his stomach’s suddenly felt urchin and he closed his mouth with his palm in order to prevent his stomach from filling out its contents. He hurriedly ran to one of the bathroom stalls and vomited, not knowing that the guys from outside were concerned about him.
He threw out all the contents of his stomach and flushed it when done as he grabbed some tissues before wiping his mouth with it. He sighed heavily and sat on the floor as he leaned against the stool wall, looking up at the ceiling. He thought that he was being ridiculous and pathetic; throwing up just because the love of his life was going to be someone else’s completely in just a few weeks. He admitted that after 6 years, Saga wasn’t over Tora. How could he though? Even though the incident happened, the both of them didn’t stop from being friends. They would call each other once in a while even if only lasted for a couple of minutes. Saga realized then he didn’t want to let go of Tora no matter what.
Saga sighed again and finally got up, opening the stool door; revealing a few men concerned about him.
“Hey Saga, you okay bro?” One of his friends asked.
Saga smiled and nodded. “Yeah, just feeling bit nausea for a while. I’m okay now.”
His friend nodded and Saga sauntered to the wash basin. He washed his mouth and then washed his hands. After taking a final look at himself, he smiled to his friends and left the bathroom, silently praying to himself to stay strong.
○●○●○
For the past couple of weeks after the reunion, Saga was finding hard time to sleep. His mind won’t stop thinking and relax, always racing to the day of Tora’s wedding. He was in dilemma; whether to go or not. Everyone will think that he was being a drama king for thinking this too much but really, this was a huge deal for Saga. He was afraid that he will break down if he comes but on the other side, he wants to witness Tora’s happiness. No matter how hurt it was, he still wants to see that beautiful smile of Tora’s even if it was for someone else.
Day by day, Saga couldn’t find the right decision until he finally reveals his secret that he had kept for so long. The funny thing was, Saga was the one who was surprised. Yes, Saga was surprised that Nao knew. Has Saga been that obvious? Nao didn’t even show the signs of surprise when he told him about Saga’s confession. Nao gave him an advice to come because he knew that he will regret it. Even though it hurts, it’s not worth to miss Tora’s happiest day. Saga could only frown and pondered about it more.
Here he was though, in a dark blue suit, standing in front of the door to the room where the wedding was held. The ceremony hasn’t started yet but there were a few of people who already came. He turned to Nao and received an encouraging smile from his best friend. Saga took a deep breath and went in. The people inside there were families both Tora and Keiko’s. He followed Nao and soon met up with Shou and Hiroto. He wasn’t really paying attention to what they were talking about. His mind was too occupied with how beautiful the place was.
“C’mon Saga, we’re going to Tora’s dressing room, giving him our wishes.” Nao said as he put a hand on Saga’s shoulder.
Saga merely nodded and followed the rest. When they arrived at Tora’s dressing room, Saga’s breath hitched for a few seconds, seeing the handsome man in front of him. Tora was already wearing a gorgeous black suit with a bowtie. His hair was combed black and wear little make-up. Saga had to blink a few times before really entering the dressing room. He stood beside Nao and smiled at his favorite best friend.
“Hey there, handsome!” Hiroto called with a cheer.
“Ready for your big day?” Shou asked with a grin as he patted Tora’s shoulder.
“Of course I am!” Tora answered with the biggest grin. “Although I’m a little bit nervous…” He added with a sigh.
“It’s normal. You ARE going to take the next huge step of your relationship so yeah, you have the right to be nervous.” Nao said.
During the whole conversation, Saga was just standing there. His mouth was tight and his mind was still racing to the thoughts; ‘Tora is going to be someone else’s forever after today.’. He couldn’t help but still feel the pain inside there. He realized then that Tora was calling to him and looking at him intently, as if hoping for Saga to say something. Saga smiled softly and took Tora’s hands.
“May you lead a happy marriage life, Tora.” He said, surprisingly sincere.
Tora then did something that Saga never expected. The elder man hugged him tight enough and muttered a ‘Thank you’. Saga could only smile softly and hugged back, drowning the warmth radiating from the other’s body. After parting, the boys talk more and give Tora their words of support. Tora just laughed and thanked them again.
When they finally thought that it was enough, the boys decided to leave Tora alone again. Halfway throughout exiting the room, Saga stopped and looked back at Tora then to the boys again.
“You guys go. I want to talk to Tora privately, just the two of us.” Saga requested.
The boys were worried for a second before nodding their heads and exited the dressing room. Saga closed the door and stayed there for a moment.
“You wanted to talk to me?” Tora asked, more to curious rather than bewildered.
Saga took a deep breath before turning around completely, face becoming gloomy. He started to walk then.
“For 6 years… I’ve been walking the road of grief… and even after 6 years… I couldn’t get over you. No matter how many times I tried to love someone else, it always fails and I ended up hurting them. No matter what I do, you’re always on my mind… I thought that maybe I can feel better by still being friends with you but…”
Saga was walking throughout the confession and he stopped right in front of Tora as he trailed. He looked up with a solemn look.
“It hurt twice as more…. I loved you too much, Tora.” Saga said with trembling voice.
“Saga… Please don’t do this…” Tora pleaded in almost inaudibly, voice thick with sadness.
“Are you a hundred percent sure to marry this woman, Tora?”
Tora was slightly taken aback at the question. “How dare-! Of course I’m hundred percent sure!” He answered in defense.
“Really? Because the way that I remembered, Keiko is not really your type.”
“What’s my type, then?”
“Me!” Saga said confidently but still with the solemn expression. “I know you better than anyone else. I’ve been there through your up and downs. I’ve always been there…loving you…”
“Then you should know that I love this girl very much so God help me, please accept the fact that I still don’t love you!”
The words then stabbed Saga again deep in his heart. He desperately hoped that Tora can somehow change his mind. His hope was shattered though, Tora really made up his mind to marry a girl and build a family. Being the only person Tora depended on (until Keiko comes around), Saga knows that Tora likes guys too. He dated one or two and it was the time Saga still denied his feelings toward his best friend.
Saga took a few steps back and looked down at the floor. No, he wasn’t going to cry this time. He just needed to calm down and bear with the pain inside. Tora looked away at the painful sight. He really hated seeing Saga like this. He was a bit surprised that Saga decided to bring this up again on his wedding day. He was angry, of course, but he somehow couldn’t yell fully at the younger man. He knew Saga had suffered enough and he didn’t want to add it further.
“Saga… I’m so sorry… You know I really gate seeing you in pain so please… Don’t be like this. If you really love me, then please, be happy for me…”
Saga could hear the plead in Tora’s voice and he suddenly felt bad. He had been pushing and pushing, trying desperately to change Tora’s mind where in all it was no use. They were just never meant to be together. Saga had been denying this all those 6 years. This time, he really has to move on. He had to stop and no more hopes. Tora was going to marry someone and he had to stop himself. It was time to finally accept the bitter reality.
He lifted his head with a smile and looked at Tora.
“You’re right…. I’m so sorry…” He said sincerely.
Tora was confused at first but then his lips curved slowly into a smile. He was about to say thank you when Saga suddenly asked for something he never ever expect in his entire life.
“Can I at least…get a farewell kiss from you? For the first…and the last…?”
His voice was soft and timid but Tora knew that Saga was serious.
“On the cheek, right?”
“No,” Saga’s answer was immediate. “On the lips.”
Tora froze. Seriously? Saga WANTS him to kiss him on the lips? Well, it was no surprise for him though. Saga did love him and he shouldn’t be surprised if anything like this will happen. He couldn’t though. He was not one to betray the person he loved.
“Saga, you know that-“
“I know!” Saga interjected, already knew what Tora was going to say. “But please…” He began to stutter. “I-It can b-be…just l-like my confession… n-no one has to know… it’ll b-be j-j-just our secret… I promise….” He lowered his head as he finished.
Is Saga being serious? Is his best friend asking him to betray his soon-to-be wife right on the day of his wedding? This was unbelievable! Tora would absolutely refuse....but… seeing Saga so desperately like that, Tora couldn’t refuse. He didn’t know when it started but Tora had always been weak seeing Saga’s sad face. It always made him hard to refuse whenever Saga made these kinds of faces. He was confused now.
His mind began to ponder; whether to grant Saga’s wish or not. Maybe it was okay to kiss him. It’ll be only once so it’s okay right? No one has to know…even if he had to carry the guilt forever. Or maybe Keiko will simply forgive him if he just explained her the situation. Yeah… they were going to be married afterall so she wouldn’t leave him no matter what.
Tora slowly approached him and stood right in front of Saga. Saga’s heart began to race the minute he felt Tora’s heat radiating to him. He felt Tora’s hand on his right cheek then, slowly lifting his head up. Their eyes met and he couldn’t help but blush. Tora was so close to him and he even can feel Tora’s breath against his lips. Tora’s face was blank as he felt the elder man getting closer to him. Saga didn’t want to close his eyes yet, he wanted to see Tora as he kissed him. His wish finally came true when Tora’s lips finally landed on him and Tora’s eyes were closed. He stared for a moment before closing his eyes too, feeling the warm lips against his.
Tora had to admit that Saga’s lips felt like heaven. They were soft and moist. He felt guiltier just thinking about that. He felt his body being brought closer, Saga’s arms wrapping around his torso. He knew that it was crazy but Tora could feel the love Saga was delivering through the kiss. He felt bad now but even as bad as it is, he couldn’t reciprocate Saga. He just couldn’t.
Saga almost wanted to cry when he just felt plain from Tora’s kiss. It didn’t have any feeling to it and it was just only a mere kiss. He didn’t care though, he was happy enough to just feel those lips that he had dreamed for the past 6 years. Saga took in his surroundings; the heat radiating from Tora’s body and the warmth of Tora’s hand. He wanted to treasure this in his heart for the rest of his life.
It ended all too soon because before Saga could even grasp the reality, Tora was already pulling back; still with the same expression. He closed his eyes for moment before opening it again and managed to mutter a ‘Thank you’.
Tora just stood there, unable to say anything.
“I’m indeed happy for you, Tora. I hope she is the one for you. I wish you happiness with her.” Saga said as he cupped Tora’s cheek with one hand. “Just for your information, I’m leaving this country tomorrow. I’ve been moved to another country for I don’t know how long so…” He kissed Tora’s cheek lightly. “Goodbye, Shinji.”
Saga let go of Tora and turned. When he was just about to open the door, Tora called him again and made him turn to face the other man again.
“You’ll be here until today ends, right?” Tora asked hopefully.
Saga smiled. “Of course… don’t want to miss you big day, would I?”
Tora sighed in relief hearing that and Saga finally exited the dressing room. He stayed then, witnessing Tora’s vows and the ceremony itself until it was over.
○●○●○
Tora was breathing heavily as he collapsed on the bed next to his wife. He was still high from their previous love-making session. He felt his wife cuddling next to him and he hugged her. After a few lazy kisses, Tora decided to clean up. Keiko was too tired so she stayed in bed. Tora just chuckled and got off the bed before sauntering to the bathroom. Keiko sighed and decided to turn on the television that the hotel suite has. She changed a few channels before some news caught hear ears and eyes. She stayed to that channel and was surprised to see what happened in it.
“Oh my… there had been a suicide bombing in Japan… and it’s in a plane!” She responded to the news. “Shinji, dear, hurry! You have to see this!”
Tora hurriedly ran to the front of the television and sat on the edge of the bed, watching the news. The accident had happened this morning and it was indeed a suicide bomb, exploding just after take-off. He winced when he saw the footage.
“That’s really bad… My heart goes to the families…” Tora empathized.
Keiko also frowned and nodded, agreeing with her husband.
They continued to watch the news and later on, the names of the victims were on the screen. There were 200 in the plane and a hundred of them had been identified. Tora’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the familiar name. He blinked several times and turned to his wife; expression just as the same.
“Were my eyes playing tricks on me?” He asked in a whisper, afraid if he was loud, he would shatter the dream.
Keiko’s frown went deeper. “I…don’t think so, honey…” She answered hesitantly.
Tora turned to the television again and there was a second time in showing the victim’s names that had been identified. Keiko was right; Tora’s eyes were not playing tricks on him. His heart paced faster and faster as the air became thick and he was suffocating. Keiko immediately shifted to her husband and hugged him tightly.
“Oh honey… I’m so sorry…” Keiko whispered.
Tora was desperately trying to breath. He glanced at the clock and realized that it was nighttime now in Japan with two hours difference ahead in where he was currently in for his honeymoon. Tora untangled himself from his wife’s embrace and picked up the hotel’s phone. He requested the receptionist to call abroad and he punched in the numbers, panicking. After the fourth ring, he hurriedly asked his best friend without prep talks.
“Shou! I… I just saw the news a-and…” He stuttered, unable to say it. “I-Is it true…?”
Tora was afraid of the answer. He really hoped that it wasn’t the person with the man he knew. After long silence, Shou finally spoke up.
“It’s…true, Tora. I just got out of the hospital. His family is holding the funeral tomorrow.”
Tora’s eyes went wide and jaw dropped in shock. He dropped the phone and dropped himself on the bed. His elbows were resting on his knees as he buried his face in his propped palm.
“It can’t be…” He whispered gravely.
Keiko walked to him again and embraced him tightly, unable to say anything.
○●○●○
Tora walked slowly inside the wide cemetery, holding a bouquet of flowers. His face was grim and he eyes were bowed down. He trusted his instinct to take him to where his destination was. The weather was strangely warm and bright, even if he was gloomy. When he finally arrived at his destination, he lifted his head and read the name of the tombstone: Sakamoto Takashi. He kneeled in front of it and put the bouquet of flowers gently on top of the grave. He closed his eyes then and prayed. When he finished, he opened his eyes again and smiled sadly.
“Hey there, bud… how are you? I’m sure you’re doing great up there, huh?” He said with a smile.
That day, after Tora found out about the accident and his breakdown, he hurriedly return back to Japan and attended the funeral. He was still in denial that his best friend was gone and he didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye to him. After the wedding, Saga left without a word although he had stayed until the end. And when Tora left for his honeymoon, he didn’t know that Saga had left too. He had wished to see him one more time and he did, but it was different because he met with a lifeless Saga inside the coffin.
“I miss you, you know. I also wanted to tell you that you were right. You were the one for me because you understand me better than anyone else. Not even Keiko…could surpass that.”
It was true. After three years of marriage, his and Keiko’s relationship had started to fall apart. Both realized that they were different afterall and when they were dealing with the divorce papers, Keiko found out that she was pregnant. Keiko had threatened that she will do an abortion if Tora doesn’t give her half the share and Tora was cornered. After the baby was born, the divorce was official and Keiko gave the baby boy to him then abandoned them both. Tora became a single parent then.
“It’s been ten years since you’ve been gone and I still can’t grasp the fact that you’re gone. I wanted to thank you also for helping me. I know that you’ve been guarding me ever since then… I can feel it. It’s because of you that I can get through all of that and raised a wonderful son. Your love for me…it has always been endless, is it? I know it’s not the right time to say this but… I regretted for not choosing you. I’ve been a fool, Saga. I’m so sorry…”
Tora held back a sob and took a deep breath.
“Thank you for never stop loving me. Even in death, you still love me. I’m sorry I couldn’t say these words when you’re alive but… I love you, too. Maybe in another life, we can be together for real.” He finally wiped a tear and smiled. “I’ll be back again… See you soon.”
With a pat on the tombstone, Tora stood up and turned. He walked back to the cemetery gate and saw a little boy running from the small shop across the cemetery.
“Daddyyyyyy, you were long!” The little boy whined.
Tora chuckled and took the little boys hand.
“I’m sorry, Takashi. I had to have a moment there…” He said as they started to walk down the street.
Takashi’s eyes lifted up to his father curiously. “Whose grave were you seeing anyway?”
Tora gave him a soft, longing smile. “Someone important to me.”
Takashi just gave a low ‘Oh’ and continued to look on what was in front of him. Tora held his son’s hand even tighter as they were about to cross the street. He looked back at the cemetery and smiled. Yes, Saga was important in his life that he had to leave his legacy in the name of his son. It was the least he could do and so he will always be reminded of Saga’s love.
~ Owari ~
...... Let's play a game, shall we? There are many full stops right? Squint your eyes at the end of the story and you can find the link of the alternate ending of this fic! XD Happy playing and reading ~ XD