(no subject)
I believe, as alot of people do, that we all have male and female in us to some degree. But some of us have more of the opposite gender from our birth genders in us for whatever reason. We feel it so much that we want to express it somehow on the outside. Some people fully transition into that other gender because the feeling is so strong and they would rather not be around at all than live as their birth gender.
Now my case is not that extreme, but I do feel like I have alot of female in me. When I first realized this, I kinda freaked out and went crazy trying to make myself into a female, and it occupied alot of my mind, almost like an obsession. I kind of pushed it down as a result. But circumstances are right now for me to start exploring that part of me again. For one, I am ALOT more able to deal with it spiritually and mentally, because I have gained a much deeper respect for myself than I ever had before, due to the help of my High Priest and High Priestess as part of my Wiccan training. So whatever I do is out of love for myself, and not the desperation I felt before to change myself all at once. Another thing that has led me to want to delve into this more is that my fiance is the same way. We are alike even in the fact that we pushed it down because for whatever reason, it wasn't the right time to deal with it. But now we are doing it together, and it is a truly wonderful experience.
Now, just exactly what am I doing with it? Well, I'm not going to become Michelle (the name I give my female self) full time like tomorrow or anything. The fact is that I might never fully become her at all. But I have let her out to play now and then over the last few months, and I want to do it more and more. But it's not something that I am going to let disrupt my life or get in the way of things that are important to me, like my Wiccan training, job, etc. I have played with dressing as a woman, only in private for now, but I am making plans for some "safe" public outings as Michelle, such as a trip to Disney.
I will probably alter my "normal" appearance a bit, like keep a clean shaven face and shave other places, because I feel better with smoother skin. But other than that, I don't plan to get surgery or anything like that. MAYBE hormone treatment down the road, but that's a big maybe and nothing I am thinking about doing any time soon.
I just wanted to put all this here because I have kind of avoided putting trans issues into my personal journal. But I haven't really hidden it either, as I am now a member of several trans themed lj communities that are publicly listed on my profile page. :)
So there it is. I once made a big deal of this as something that I thought would alter my life drastically. But now I am trying to take a more balanced approach with it, and just explore it as another aspect of myself. An important one, but not a solely defining one.