It's Like I'm Receiving a Fisting of Cosmic Proportions

[tigersfury]

As of yesterday I made the wonderful realization that among all of the people I have any kind of reasonable contact with, I have been single the longest and that thought hasn't been treating me too kindly.  Despite being a rather 'old-fashioned' kind of person [circumstances allowing as much as possible...], I really haven't been able to have a mutual emotional connection with anyone in years and years but instead have thrown myself into the path of being the rebound person time and time again, to no fault of theirs as they have always made it clear how things stand and me being the one who is always hoping for just a little bit more [2 instances over the past few months alone of varying degrees of intensity come to mind especially].  It is impossible for me to maintain any kind of distance with someone that I end up feeling an attraction towards even when i know it would be in the best interest.  While I would like to think that becoming more emotionally involved than i should be is only hurting me, truth of the matter is that's not true because the people I end up liking are genuinely good people who end up caring about me too and end up feeling bad that I essentially get hurt by the inevitable ending and distancing that ends up happening.  And that *really* makes me feel shitty.  I am reasonably confident that things will turn around eventually, but seriously, the anticipation is killing me.  I know I have good things to offer in a relationship, and I don't understand why in all this time the timing still has never been right.  While being at school and being single was pretty difficult, now that I find myself in a place where the only people I even have the possibility of having real-life interactions with are my parents it is even more difficult.  How does one find other people their own age when they're the only person they know? I'm not about to start going to bars by myself...it's like you need to already know people in order to meet other people.  I really love a lot of the people I work with, but there just isn't the opportunity for real in-depth social interactions that really seem to be able to make any kind of real friendship possible.  Not to mention there's always the slight awkwardness of fumbling through the hierarchy. So really, how do things change from here? I want things to be different, I hate the mindset I have so often found myself in lately, but I just don't know what steps to take to do anything about it.  When starting someplace 'new' and genuinely not knowing other people in the area, just what does one do to meet people--be it friends or maybe even something a little bit more?

I have been watching a lot of "The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman" lately and I wish you were too.  The show is pure genius.