Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased? 5
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Cas, Sam/Jess, Gabriel, Raphael
Title: Canst thou...? 5
Rating: 17 or so (pr0n)
Genre: AU, angst, mature content, orig. char. death, suicidal thoughts
Summary: Cas has a bit of a breakdown
Author's Notes: I've never written a sex scene. hope I got all the bits right.
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Masterpost
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Cold washed over him at the surgeon's words. He turned to his brother. Gabriel was holding Sandra who was sobbing so hard she wasn't producing any noise. A dull ache was rising in his chest at the sight. He wanted his brother to hug him. He needed someone to care.
The thought crossed through him with absolute clarity. He was going to kill himself. There was nothing left of him after this.
He turned and walked from the waiting room, ignoring Gabriel's hand reaching towards him as he passed.
He drove without thinking. He'd smuggled enough morphine out to do the job. He'd go home and do it. Fall asleep in his bed alone.
Dean had been in his bed last night. His brow creased in confusion at the thought. Why had Dean been there? Just pity probably. His brow smoothed out at that thought. Of course Dean didn't actually want him. His own father hadn't wanted him. His siblings hadn't wanted him. Why should Dean be any different?
Maybe they expected him to beg for their affections. They wanted him to be submissive. To be a good, docile, meek little child like he use to be.
His own thoughts were confusing him. They didn't make sense. Dean was sick, of course he didn't pity him. His family loved him they just had their own issues. But his depression was like a black wave. It was smothering him down. He didn't have to energy to claw his way back to the surface just to walk around like a zombie as he had been doing for the past year. What was the point anymore?
He stopped the car and turned the engine off. He opened to door and walked up the sidewalk and rang the bell. Only after he'd done this did he realize he wasn't at his apartment but standing in front of Dean's house. The door opened before he could turn and leave. Jess was standing in the doorway wearing a yellow sundress. She was absolutely beautiful. He could only stare at her. Her eyes filled with concern and she reached out for his hand and led him inside. She sat him at a chair in the dining room and pulled another up to him before sitting in it herself and drawing him into a hug.
Sam stepped out of the kitchen with a tupper-ware dish in his hand. "Jess, is this chicken still good?" He stopped short at the sight of them curled around each other and walked around to Jess' back so he could see Cas' face. Tears were silently pouring down Cas' cheeks though he didn't seem aware of it. "Cas? What's going on? Is it Dean?"
"Is what Dean?"
Sam whipped around at his brother's voice and, finding him well, turned back to Cas.
Cas' eyes lifted at Dean's voice. Dean hurried forward to kneel in front of him. "Cas, what happened?"
Cas swallowed thickly. "My nephew died." He swayed slightly and Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "I should've worked on him. I handed him over."
"You were his doctor?" Sam asked quickly in his lawyer voice.
Dean glared at him as Cas shook his head and answered. "I handed him over. I shouldn't have. I should've worked on him myself."
"Cas-"
"I should've done it. It should've been me." Cas continued murmuring the same things, more to himself than to them it seemed.
Jess backed away from him at Dean's request and Dean tugged Cas' hand. Cas followed him blindly into Dean's bedroom. Dean pushed the smock off his shoulders and started working on the drawstring of his scrubs pants. He undressed Cas completely and pushed him to sit on the bed as he undressed himself. He made Cas lay under the covers and arranged them so Cas' head rested on his shoulder. Cas stopped talking and fell asleep within seconds.
```
Gabriel had asked to be the one to tell Raphael about his son. In hindsight he wished he hadn't mentioned that Cas had been the responding doctor.
"He killed my son?" Raphael's voice was slurred with pain medication but the rage was boiling in his words.
Gabriel looked back at him fiercely. "Of course not, Raph. He did his job."
"His job?" Gabriel tried not the flinch at the bitten off words. "His job was to save my son!"
"Raph, you need to calm down. This isn't Castiel's fault and you know it. It's the asshole who hit you's fault.
Raphael glared up at him from his bed. "You always defended him. He's a coward, Gabby. He's not out brother. He's a burden. A sinner before he killed my boy. Dear, sweet, little Cassie he is not. I knew him for what he was years ago: a cancer on our family tree. It's him or us, Gabe."
Gabriel couldn't keep the hurt off his face at his brother's harsh words. He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry for your loss." Gabriel stood up. "Good bye."
"You're a faggot like him aren't you?" Raphael spat at his back.
Gabriel closed the door without responding and headed towards the exit. He felt ill at his brother's words. He felt ill at the fact that he was walking away from him without working it out. Raphael was high on pain meds. That's the reason he was acting so irrational. But even as Gabriel had that thought he knew it was wrong. He'd seen how little Raphael thought of Cas at the last reunion. Family was important. Raphael didn't seem to understand.
He pulled his cell from his pocket as he stepped into the sunlight and texted Castiel. just you and me now kid. see you at home?
```
Castiel awoke warm and comfortable, wrapped in Dean's embrace. He wriggled from the arms holding him to fetch his cell from his pants' pocket and check his messages. He texted Gabriel back that he would see him later today then turned towards the bed again.
The terrible ache in his chest had receded somewhat under Jess' and Dean's ministrations. He smiled lightly. He'd thought, in the crushing depression last night, that no one cared about him. He'd of course been mistaken. His brother was concerned for him despite Gabriel's own grief. Jess and Dean had immediately helped him during his despair. And he felt that Sam would have offered comfort as well had the other two not taken him to them so fully.
He crawled back over Dean's prone form and slowly pulled the blankets down to Dean's knees. He knelt above and stroked circles on Dean's hips with his thumbs and blew lightly across Dean's groin. Dean's dick jerked at the cold air and Cas grinned before taking him in hand and licking at the head like a lollipop.
Dean groaned and his hips jerked upwards as Cas pulled back, licking his lips before he leaned forward again and took Dean in all the way, sucking hard. He chuckled as Dean jerked awake and gasped down at him, winding a hand through Cas' hair.
"Cas! Jesus!"
Cas hummed in delight and the pressure of Dean's hand on his head increased in response. Cas pulled off. Now that Dean was fully erect he had other activities in mind. He ignored Dean's grunted protests and slid off the bed and rifled through Dean's bed-side drawers until he found what he was looking for. He climbed back on the bed and straddled Dean's waist.
Dean held onto his hips and looked up at him in concern. "Cas, you sure about this?"
Cas smiled and leaned down to kiss him deeply. He nipped along Dean's jaw when they broke for breath and whispered into his ear. "I'm alive."
Dean wasn't stupid. He'd been in counseling long enough to know what Cas' words and actions from the previous day pointed towards. Cas wanted reaffirmation. And Dean was tired of blue balls.
He rolled them so he was on top and took the tube of lube from Cas' slack hand. Cas smiled up at him with complete trust and he found himself giving an answering grin as he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and nudged along Cas' entrance. He put his mouth to Cas' ear as he pushed a finger inside. "We're both alive, Cas." He wanted Cas to know he wasn't alone. Dean had had similar thoughts before and would help him through this. Dean wasn't good with words though so his actions would have to suffice.
He moaned at the sounds Castiel made as his fingers worked deep inside him. "God, I want you."
Cas pulled him into another deep kiss, licking at his lips and cheek as he broke the kiss. "Fuck me, Dean." He gasped against Dean's lips.
Dean pulled his fingers out, ignoring Cas' grunt at the loss of contact between them. He lined up his dick and pushed in to the hilt. They both groaned. Dean panted into Cas' neck as he gave him a moment to adjust. Cas wriggled his hips and Dean tried not to come.
"Move, Dean."
Dean didn't need to be told twice, he pulled back and thrust into his partner shallowly, slowly before building up steam.
The thought ran through his head that he hoped Sam and Jess were out before all thought was obliterated by Cas' skin hot against his, Cas' mouth on his as their tongues dueled, and the feel of Cas' ass gripping his dick as he fucked him hard into the mattress.
He reached down blindly for Cas erection, tugging on it earnestly in rhythm to his own thrusts. Cas panted harshly against his cheek. He pulled out and pulled Cas' legs from around his waist up onto his shoulders before thrusting back in. They groaned in unison at the deeper contact.
Dean hammered into him. Cas grabbed at his erection which Dean had neglected for a moment but Dean smacked his hand away and started pumping him furiously. "Dean! Oh God! Fuck me, Dean!" Cas' gravelly voice was all but a growl beneath Dean's sweating figure.
Dean pounded him wildly as he started to come apart. Cas gasped and Dean stared into his eyes as he came over Dean's fist. The clenching of Cas' muscles around his cock sent him over the edge and he buried himself into his lover as he came calling Cas' name.
Dean collapsed on top of him, still spurting inside him. Cas stroked a hand through Dean's sweaty hair and looked down at him. Their eyes locked, Dean lifted his hand covered in Cas' semen to his mouth and licked it clean, laughing when Cas moaned at the sight.
Dean pulled out of him gently and Cas clenched, not wanting Dean's essence to leave him yet.
They kissed slowly, feeling each other without the urgency from before. Dean gathered Cas to him and held him close. "That was better than the other thing you were thinking about right?"
Cas smiled sadly and kissed Dean's chest. He couldn't think of the words to answer him.
Dean sighed heavily. "It'll be okay, Cas."
Cas had thought he wouldn't be able to handle Dean's illness if they started a relationship. It turned out to be Dean handling Cas' baggage.
Cas left a few hours later saying he needed to spend some time with Gabriel. Dean kissed him good bye, understanding that if something similar had happened to his family he'd be by Sam's side.
He went to the bathroom to take his pills for the day. He stared at the bottles behind the mirror before closing it without touching them.
One day wouldn't hurt.
~~~
TBC
comments are love?
~~~
Pairing: Dean/Cas, Sam/Jess, Gabriel, Raphael
Title: Canst thou...? 5
Rating: 17 or so (pr0n)
Genre: AU, angst, mature content, orig. char. death, suicidal thoughts
Summary: Cas has a bit of a breakdown
Author's Notes: I've never written a sex scene. hope I got all the bits right.
~~~
Masterpost
~~~
Cold washed over him at the surgeon's words. He turned to his brother. Gabriel was holding Sandra who was sobbing so hard she wasn't producing any noise. A dull ache was rising in his chest at the sight. He wanted his brother to hug him. He needed someone to care.
The thought crossed through him with absolute clarity. He was going to kill himself. There was nothing left of him after this.
He turned and walked from the waiting room, ignoring Gabriel's hand reaching towards him as he passed.
He drove without thinking. He'd smuggled enough morphine out to do the job. He'd go home and do it. Fall asleep in his bed alone.
Dean had been in his bed last night. His brow creased in confusion at the thought. Why had Dean been there? Just pity probably. His brow smoothed out at that thought. Of course Dean didn't actually want him. His own father hadn't wanted him. His siblings hadn't wanted him. Why should Dean be any different?
Maybe they expected him to beg for their affections. They wanted him to be submissive. To be a good, docile, meek little child like he use to be.
His own thoughts were confusing him. They didn't make sense. Dean was sick, of course he didn't pity him. His family loved him they just had their own issues. But his depression was like a black wave. It was smothering him down. He didn't have to energy to claw his way back to the surface just to walk around like a zombie as he had been doing for the past year. What was the point anymore?
He stopped the car and turned the engine off. He opened to door and walked up the sidewalk and rang the bell. Only after he'd done this did he realize he wasn't at his apartment but standing in front of Dean's house. The door opened before he could turn and leave. Jess was standing in the doorway wearing a yellow sundress. She was absolutely beautiful. He could only stare at her. Her eyes filled with concern and she reached out for his hand and led him inside. She sat him at a chair in the dining room and pulled another up to him before sitting in it herself and drawing him into a hug.
Sam stepped out of the kitchen with a tupper-ware dish in his hand. "Jess, is this chicken still good?" He stopped short at the sight of them curled around each other and walked around to Jess' back so he could see Cas' face. Tears were silently pouring down Cas' cheeks though he didn't seem aware of it. "Cas? What's going on? Is it Dean?"
"Is what Dean?"
Sam whipped around at his brother's voice and, finding him well, turned back to Cas.
Cas' eyes lifted at Dean's voice. Dean hurried forward to kneel in front of him. "Cas, what happened?"
Cas swallowed thickly. "My nephew died." He swayed slightly and Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "I should've worked on him. I handed him over."
"You were his doctor?" Sam asked quickly in his lawyer voice.
Dean glared at him as Cas shook his head and answered. "I handed him over. I shouldn't have. I should've worked on him myself."
"Cas-"
"I should've done it. It should've been me." Cas continued murmuring the same things, more to himself than to them it seemed.
Jess backed away from him at Dean's request and Dean tugged Cas' hand. Cas followed him blindly into Dean's bedroom. Dean pushed the smock off his shoulders and started working on the drawstring of his scrubs pants. He undressed Cas completely and pushed him to sit on the bed as he undressed himself. He made Cas lay under the covers and arranged them so Cas' head rested on his shoulder. Cas stopped talking and fell asleep within seconds.
```
Gabriel had asked to be the one to tell Raphael about his son. In hindsight he wished he hadn't mentioned that Cas had been the responding doctor.
"He killed my son?" Raphael's voice was slurred with pain medication but the rage was boiling in his words.
Gabriel looked back at him fiercely. "Of course not, Raph. He did his job."
"His job?" Gabriel tried not the flinch at the bitten off words. "His job was to save my son!"
"Raph, you need to calm down. This isn't Castiel's fault and you know it. It's the asshole who hit you's fault.
Raphael glared up at him from his bed. "You always defended him. He's a coward, Gabby. He's not out brother. He's a burden. A sinner before he killed my boy. Dear, sweet, little Cassie he is not. I knew him for what he was years ago: a cancer on our family tree. It's him or us, Gabe."
Gabriel couldn't keep the hurt off his face at his brother's harsh words. He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry for your loss." Gabriel stood up. "Good bye."
"You're a faggot like him aren't you?" Raphael spat at his back.
Gabriel closed the door without responding and headed towards the exit. He felt ill at his brother's words. He felt ill at the fact that he was walking away from him without working it out. Raphael was high on pain meds. That's the reason he was acting so irrational. But even as Gabriel had that thought he knew it was wrong. He'd seen how little Raphael thought of Cas at the last reunion. Family was important. Raphael didn't seem to understand.
He pulled his cell from his pocket as he stepped into the sunlight and texted Castiel. just you and me now kid. see you at home?
```
Castiel awoke warm and comfortable, wrapped in Dean's embrace. He wriggled from the arms holding him to fetch his cell from his pants' pocket and check his messages. He texted Gabriel back that he would see him later today then turned towards the bed again.
The terrible ache in his chest had receded somewhat under Jess' and Dean's ministrations. He smiled lightly. He'd thought, in the crushing depression last night, that no one cared about him. He'd of course been mistaken. His brother was concerned for him despite Gabriel's own grief. Jess and Dean had immediately helped him during his despair. And he felt that Sam would have offered comfort as well had the other two not taken him to them so fully.
He crawled back over Dean's prone form and slowly pulled the blankets down to Dean's knees. He knelt above and stroked circles on Dean's hips with his thumbs and blew lightly across Dean's groin. Dean's dick jerked at the cold air and Cas grinned before taking him in hand and licking at the head like a lollipop.
Dean groaned and his hips jerked upwards as Cas pulled back, licking his lips before he leaned forward again and took Dean in all the way, sucking hard. He chuckled as Dean jerked awake and gasped down at him, winding a hand through Cas' hair.
"Cas! Jesus!"
Cas hummed in delight and the pressure of Dean's hand on his head increased in response. Cas pulled off. Now that Dean was fully erect he had other activities in mind. He ignored Dean's grunted protests and slid off the bed and rifled through Dean's bed-side drawers until he found what he was looking for. He climbed back on the bed and straddled Dean's waist.
Dean held onto his hips and looked up at him in concern. "Cas, you sure about this?"
Cas smiled and leaned down to kiss him deeply. He nipped along Dean's jaw when they broke for breath and whispered into his ear. "I'm alive."
Dean wasn't stupid. He'd been in counseling long enough to know what Cas' words and actions from the previous day pointed towards. Cas wanted reaffirmation. And Dean was tired of blue balls.
He rolled them so he was on top and took the tube of lube from Cas' slack hand. Cas smiled up at him with complete trust and he found himself giving an answering grin as he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and nudged along Cas' entrance. He put his mouth to Cas' ear as he pushed a finger inside. "We're both alive, Cas." He wanted Cas to know he wasn't alone. Dean had had similar thoughts before and would help him through this. Dean wasn't good with words though so his actions would have to suffice.
He moaned at the sounds Castiel made as his fingers worked deep inside him. "God, I want you."
Cas pulled him into another deep kiss, licking at his lips and cheek as he broke the kiss. "Fuck me, Dean." He gasped against Dean's lips.
Dean pulled his fingers out, ignoring Cas' grunt at the loss of contact between them. He lined up his dick and pushed in to the hilt. They both groaned. Dean panted into Cas' neck as he gave him a moment to adjust. Cas wriggled his hips and Dean tried not to come.
"Move, Dean."
Dean didn't need to be told twice, he pulled back and thrust into his partner shallowly, slowly before building up steam.
The thought ran through his head that he hoped Sam and Jess were out before all thought was obliterated by Cas' skin hot against his, Cas' mouth on his as their tongues dueled, and the feel of Cas' ass gripping his dick as he fucked him hard into the mattress.
He reached down blindly for Cas erection, tugging on it earnestly in rhythm to his own thrusts. Cas panted harshly against his cheek. He pulled out and pulled Cas' legs from around his waist up onto his shoulders before thrusting back in. They groaned in unison at the deeper contact.
Dean hammered into him. Cas grabbed at his erection which Dean had neglected for a moment but Dean smacked his hand away and started pumping him furiously. "Dean! Oh God! Fuck me, Dean!" Cas' gravelly voice was all but a growl beneath Dean's sweating figure.
Dean pounded him wildly as he started to come apart. Cas gasped and Dean stared into his eyes as he came over Dean's fist. The clenching of Cas' muscles around his cock sent him over the edge and he buried himself into his lover as he came calling Cas' name.
Dean collapsed on top of him, still spurting inside him. Cas stroked a hand through Dean's sweaty hair and looked down at him. Their eyes locked, Dean lifted his hand covered in Cas' semen to his mouth and licked it clean, laughing when Cas moaned at the sight.
Dean pulled out of him gently and Cas clenched, not wanting Dean's essence to leave him yet.
They kissed slowly, feeling each other without the urgency from before. Dean gathered Cas to him and held him close. "That was better than the other thing you were thinking about right?"
Cas smiled sadly and kissed Dean's chest. He couldn't think of the words to answer him.
Dean sighed heavily. "It'll be okay, Cas."
Cas had thought he wouldn't be able to handle Dean's illness if they started a relationship. It turned out to be Dean handling Cas' baggage.
Cas left a few hours later saying he needed to spend some time with Gabriel. Dean kissed him good bye, understanding that if something similar had happened to his family he'd be by Sam's side.
He went to the bathroom to take his pills for the day. He stared at the bottles behind the mirror before closing it without touching them.
One day wouldn't hurt.
~~~
TBC
comments are love?
~~~