Hi two months later. How are you?
I just spent a bunch of time reading old entries in this journal. I do that every now and again. It's odd looking on something I wrote and feeling like I'm reading someone else's words. I have very little to report here beyond my -so far- quite successful diet & exercise regimen. I am in a little bit of pain...ok a lot...but I've also been losing the weight, and not feeling hungry. Nothing boost one's self esteem and pride then working really ard at something and achieving measurable results.
I'm really enjoying right now school - which is a very far cry fromt he sentiments about education I was reading about in my 2005 entries. I was effed up. I don't know what happened or if I could have changed it. I think I seriously lacked maturity at a time when I fell into a deep depression. Suddenly I stopped taking care of myself, I gained a lot of weight, I didn't sleep, I was exhausted constantly, I ate worthless cardboard shit. No wonder I was so messed up. My thoughts were all over the place. I was so alone, or I perceived myself to be. Short months before I had been bright and funny and intelligent in my posts...then suddenly, at the start of my senior year, my entries became - ill. What is so frustrating and frankly, a little sickening, is that there were people who lived close to me...and I mean....WITH me...who should have seen what was going on but they just watched me descend.
But that's gone. It's over.
And now, I'm back here and NONE of my fears have played out. I'm focused, driven, accomplished, healthy, happy. I'm acing my classes, I'm preparing and looking forward to them, I'm LEARNING.....and I can see a clear path toward my success in front of me. Something I have control over. My effort directly influences my results. It's a good feeling. The only thing that would make it better is if the whole family were down here together. But Ewie and I are having a grand old time - and looking forward to going up to see the fam and friends this weekend!
Wow. I'm going to bed. 10:15. Totally normal. My depression entries were all about not sleeping, and were each written at 3:00am-ish. A good night's sleep is B. E. A. utiful.
nighty night!
I'm really enjoying right now school - which is a very far cry fromt he sentiments about education I was reading about in my 2005 entries. I was effed up. I don't know what happened or if I could have changed it. I think I seriously lacked maturity at a time when I fell into a deep depression. Suddenly I stopped taking care of myself, I gained a lot of weight, I didn't sleep, I was exhausted constantly, I ate worthless cardboard shit. No wonder I was so messed up. My thoughts were all over the place. I was so alone, or I perceived myself to be. Short months before I had been bright and funny and intelligent in my posts...then suddenly, at the start of my senior year, my entries became - ill. What is so frustrating and frankly, a little sickening, is that there were people who lived close to me...and I mean....WITH me...who should have seen what was going on but they just watched me descend.
But that's gone. It's over.
And now, I'm back here and NONE of my fears have played out. I'm focused, driven, accomplished, healthy, happy. I'm acing my classes, I'm preparing and looking forward to them, I'm LEARNING.....and I can see a clear path toward my success in front of me. Something I have control over. My effort directly influences my results. It's a good feeling. The only thing that would make it better is if the whole family were down here together. But Ewie and I are having a grand old time - and looking forward to going up to see the fam and friends this weekend!
Wow. I'm going to bed. 10:15. Totally normal. My depression entries were all about not sleeping, and were each written at 3:00am-ish. A good night's sleep is B. E. A. utiful.
nighty night!