Slipping
I am starting to feel that Jesse is not physically attracted to me at all. The first time he was certainly interested, but then, I was interesting, as a conquest - a "cougar" or "milf" and just someone older. I can see why that would be fascinating. I worry that if I continue a physical relationship with him, it will ultimately lead to damage with my sense of my own beauty, and self worth, sex appeal. This is precisely why I do not pursue those so much younger than myself normally. Well, one of the many reasons. Still, I know he loves me deeply, as I also love him deeply. I feel like the task at this time is to discover the most helpful, compassionate, and wholesome way to express this love. I can certainly enter into more of a maternal, sister, or friend like love. I won't change anything drastic at this point, but I don't want to initiate anything physical for a while. I need him to be the one "wanting it" if we do anything sexual. Yesterday I was all dolled up for him when I picked him up, and he had this huge falling out with Patrick, so he was unable to even notice what I wore. Of course.