Emo Post
I feel like a crap girlfriend. She's in pain and in a mood and I am supposed to make her feel better. But instead I am just annoying her. I can sense it, all the way from her room to mine. I am not cut out for this job. I don't deserve to keep her. Not when I can't do what I am supposed to. I can't help but wonder; maybe this is no good. No good for her, because I suck. She said it makes her feel better when she is in this mood and I just can't give it to her. Not tonight. I am too... insecure I guess. I wish I could be better at the things she needs me to be. I just am not tonight. On days like this I keep thinking she would be better off without me. Without me and my stupid childish needs, a hug and a pat on the head. Without me, maybe she could find someone who can give her what she needs and wants. Fuck a rum-coke sounds good around now. Or maybe vodka peach pear....
There we go, sweetness with just a little hint of acid. I know it is bad to drink when I am alone and sad. She would probably be better of without that too. I am just bad at this. I shouldn't be drinking soda, or alcohol for that matter. I feel fat. It's been sneaking up on me all day, and yesterday too. I need to loose weight, I want to loose weight. But I don't know what I can do. I eat healthy, and have been much better about my portions. I have been staying away from candy. But I've hit 220 and can't seem to go below that. Not since middle of june. That is 6 weeks. No weight loss. In fact I seem to have gained a bit, last time I checked. Fuck, I fucking hate this. I hate the way I look, I hate feeling insecure. And I fucking hate not being good enough.
And I hate being too scared to fucking do something about it,
Ok, going to shut up now and act like everything is ok. Because other people don't need me to put my problems on their shoulders. But I wish I could just crawl in there and beg for a hug.