(no subject)
So I had my Humanities test today, and I am pretty sure I will be lucky if I get a 60% and above. The thing was a nightmare. I can't believe they make every single student take that stupid course. Of course, it doesn't help that I didn't attend a lot of the stupid lectures, but that's beside the point. In computer class, Michael Lee came in and talked to us about co-op placements. I am going to of course try out for it, but I am worried about my one mark in Humanities. I don't want to have lower than a 70 % average at any point.
The pressure is on, and if all goes well I will be working as an accountant in no time at all. I am worried and a little scared of course. Scared of failing. No pressure or anything, but to really have a future in your program you have to have a 70% and above average. No pressure at all.
Maybe it is because of the pressure that I am doing so many drugs. Why I now three times have stolen Robs percadane because I like the way they make me feel numb. This numbness leads to concentration problems in class, and I go to school each day with weed over and sometimes perc over lately. I always want to get high. Its crazy sometimes. I am getting good marks, lowest would be around 70 or so, the rest all 80 and above. Good for a pothead. Certainly. I want to do better. But I can't help that I always want to feel nothing, dull away the fact that I am unhappy with some parts of my life.. I want to rise up out of who I am, become more, and become educated, a home owner, independent. I want to be more than who I am.
On another note, I have been neglecting a bit doing rituals and spell work and I will make an effort to do a ritual tonight. My altar looks even better now that I have beautiful pink rose petals from my flowers from valentine's day. I am looking forward to making my Ostara altar, the spring altars are always so pretty and Ostara is so close to my birthday! It is like a double birthday for me, and for me a very powerful time of year. I was born at a time when the astrological time of Pisces is ending, and the time of Aries is beginning, (March 23rd) I notice these traits in me very strong, both Aries side, and Pisces side. I am incredibly impatient, very arrogant, and aggressive, and often angry. This is my Aries side, but, on the plus side, I am very energetic at times and creative, and I think these are my good Aries traits. My pisces side is intuitive, emotional and introvertive, but also overly sensitive.