Set me on Fire in the evening........
Sometimes i get very angry for no reason, i just feel angry at everything and like I have no one to talk to. Sometimes I feel just aggravated, at everything, and at nothing. Today is one of those days. It could just be excess energy from the full moon, or something related to the lunar pattern in general but I don't know. I just know I get so full of anger sometimes, i guess it must be an Aries thing.
I feel like i can't relax. I keep fidgeting and thinking and worrying. I also have some unknown pain in my lower stomach. That isnt helping. Despite the pain, i still am of course chugging the coffee, and wondering still just how long i will be mortal for. Wondering just how long.
Tonight i am going to do a ritual, as it is the full moon. I have been in a way neglecting my Wiccan life since my new student life came into being. Sort of. I still pray every night before bed, and when i wake up i thank Isis for a new day, which is the best gift the Gods can give one. And still when i walk, and see nature, and see the world of the Goddess and its beauty, I recognize that beauty, and the trees, and the grass, as something from the Goddess and a gift from Her. That pinecone over their is precious, because it came from the Lady. Just not too many people realize it. More precious than jewels or anything you could ever imagine, beauty in nature is something i still feel very childlike with. I see a beautifully spun spider web, and I wriggle inside to think, that is something from nature, made by no man, but by the Goddess.
The Goddess moves me, She is the hand of fate, she directs me to take this stair well, go here, put this down here, as we are directed by the Gods. She is the reason why I am sitting right here, the Goddess's will.
She answered my prayer to go back to school, she helped the OSAP money to arrive, 2 days or so after i did a complicated prosperity spell the money was there. I am blessed by Isis time and time again. She heals me, she protects me every night and I am so grateful.
I feel like I am on fire today. I feel like I am literally set ablaze with heat, and fire, and anger, and lust, lust I right now have no outlet for, this too is the Goddess's will. I will see why soon I think. Someone is on there way to me.
I do not know how people live such empty, meaningless lives, devoted to the almighty dollar. I do not know how they have the strength to go on in a world so cold, I do not know what people do without religion. I would not want to live and not know where I was going when I died. Not at all.
I take strength in my individuality, I am not pretty nor beautiful but I "feed my head" , am feeding it every day more and more and this is what is important. That i can hold my own in an intelligent conversation and when it counts i can fend for myself.
I am my own motivation, no one isnt going to make my do my work. The superego must fight, fight to win over that nasty thanatos and eros, fighting for death and pleasure.
-Lily
"Waking up strong in the morning, walking in a straight line, set me on fire in the evening, everything will be fine, waking up strong in the morning, walking in straight lines:" -SilverChair