Word of the year "chaos"
For my thesis of the year, I'd like to explore exactly why people seem to think that there is a certain element of chaos to me, when really, I've got my life planned down to a "T" (most days). I am anything but chaotic on a normal day. When it comes down to it, I'm the one who makes the plans for most other people I know. It's almost sickening now that I really start to think about it. I know what I'm doing, and if I don't, I wing it. The only thing that I know of that depicts chaos in my life, is my room at home. Perhaps chaos in my relationships as well. I'd call that over-perfectionism and the desire to date someone who doesn't exist. How is it that men can want you to give everything, but the moment you expect something in return, they think you're being self centered? Right. At any rate, I'd have to lean towards random instead of chaotic. Perhaps from far away my life looks chaotic, with long distance relationships, and constant trials to find my breaking point (self-sacrifice a friend of mine likes to call it), with running home on the weekends to feed lambs and train llamas, and family in the north and south and my obsessions with writing and travel, and cooking and photography...I suppose everything may look like chaos. That's fine. I guess it looks more impressive that way when it all falls into place. I guess I could see chaos there...I just don't think that it's as hectic as it seems that's all. I guess looking at all of this, I'd like to add some chaos. Perhaps this semester I'll do something fun. Fun, fun. Really. That means something on top of going to the gym, because for most people (mainly those who don't go) going to the gym isn't much fun. See: It's a great way to meet people. At any rate, maybe belly dancing or some new club, or parties more at our place...Maybe more laughing, and more writing, and more photography...I want to be published. Whatever fun and chaos I can have with that, bring it on. Chaos is a great word. Hopefully I can add some of it to my life to really know what they mean when they say that my life is insane. I want to understand that feeling. This semester, I'm going to try.