...looks like we're on our own, to figure it out...

[tigerlilli]

blah blah blah, the usual. i'm home again. not that i consider this home but you know what i mean. the place where my mommy and daddy are. its strange, no matter how much i grow up i still feel like i'm in high school. i don't know why that is. i would think its because high school never really had that feeling of finality at the end. it just sorta petered away kinda fading into the background but never really gone. perhaps i'll never really "grow up". though this whole being lost thing is starting to get a little old. i wish i could just figure out my life already. all the working just to make money that i've already spent. this is a sad attempt at living. my poor imitation of life. no real achievements. no real substance. i don't even feel as though people take my thoughts seriously anymore. i used to be able to express an opinion and actually have at least one person take it seriously. now i just feel as though i'm speaking into a void or am using a form of communication no one else knows. "do you understand what i'm saying?!" "yes, donna, thats wonderful. so anyway what was i saying?...." maybe someday someone will take me seriously. maybe someone will actually care. ha. doubtful.

lifes accomplishment: specialist at target (i wanna cry)
drinks had tonight: 6 (thank god)
cigs: wayyyyy too many
number of times wanted to call nick and scream: 4 (better)
number of times i've felt like a failure tonight: 47 (oh geez)

going back to lax on tues afternoon.... i work overnights this week. thank god i don't have to brave the night time alone with nothing but chick flicks.

if anyone wants to see me while i'm in town the number is here somewhere.