apathy
ok well i know i dont post much at all and if i do its very breif but i have noticed a streak of apathy growing in my personality. not sure if its just me on my way to being an old kodger or if i am just about to go in to one of my shrink in to a shell bouts in my life. the wife and kids are good for those who even care. we have finally procured an apartment of our own out from under our inlaws. I should be incredibly excited buy all i seem to be able to do is feel meh.. yes it will be nice to beable to shop for not kosher stuff and have a seperate room from the kids but hellits not like I have the time to do anything adult any how. Kelli is talking about a rendevous with a friend of ours so she can have fun because quite frankly we dont have the time and lately i just dont have the inclination. in a deep funk and i do my damnedest to shake it off. (not workin) Used to be a social person now not so much not her fault but i still miss having a tight group of friends.
And even that feeling is slowly going away. sorta feels like i have been in a vacuum for so long that not having the ability to breathe has be come comfortable in a numbing sense of comfort. sorta like the body's ability to conform to what ever shape your clothing forms it to.
i used to write poems and short stories to help the feelings get out i have not done that in years. you know the typical teen angst shit. i remember one i wrote a long tie ago.
Enter the arena.
the arena called life, we must all fight here.
some choose to excel in the daily combat of life
some try to say they will not fight but in that statement they are already fighting.
fighting the systems that wants us to claw each other to pieces.
do you think your up to the fight?
then step up for your destruction.
like i said teen angsty and suf but it was shit like that used to help me deal. these days i dont even feel that release i used to get from putting on a pair of headphones and haveing the thundering sounds take me to a place in my mind that i was able to relax in. Either thatplace was closed down due to inactivity or i just plain lost the ability to feel.
And even that feeling is slowly going away. sorta feels like i have been in a vacuum for so long that not having the ability to breathe has be come comfortable in a numbing sense of comfort. sorta like the body's ability to conform to what ever shape your clothing forms it to.
i used to write poems and short stories to help the feelings get out i have not done that in years. you know the typical teen angst shit. i remember one i wrote a long tie ago.
Enter the arena.
the arena called life, we must all fight here.
some choose to excel in the daily combat of life
some try to say they will not fight but in that statement they are already fighting.
fighting the systems that wants us to claw each other to pieces.
do you think your up to the fight?
then step up for your destruction.
like i said teen angsty and suf but it was shit like that used to help me deal. these days i dont even feel that release i used to get from putting on a pair of headphones and haveing the thundering sounds take me to a place in my mind that i was able to relax in. Either thatplace was closed down due to inactivity or i just plain lost the ability to feel.