???
So in class today we were learning Freudian theory, which I hate but it got me thinking a lot. We were talking about the id, ego and superego, and the idea of the conscious, preconscious and unconscious minds. According to Freud, dreams are a manifestation of the unconscious mind, which is correlated with the id. The id is all of the instinctual desires, the need for instant gratification and repressed feelings. Now, when considering that the id represents my instinctual desires and repressed thoughts and feelings, and that my dreams are supposed to be a manifestation of that... I'm not ok with the dreams I've been having. I realize that Freud is kind of full of shit and snorted a lot of cocaine, but when I begin to consider the dream I had yesterday morning in these sorts of terms, I am bothered and it confuses my feelings.
But then again, it makes sense that I would feel that way. But I'm not ready for that to make sense. My feelings are so jumbled. Some days, I wake up and I think that I'm fine and that I really am getting over Bob, but other times I can't help but think about the fun we had and how it felt to be near him and then I just cry. He finally responded to me and he wants us to see each other sometime next week. This is going to be hard, but it's what I asked for, so I'll be ready for it when it happens.
But with all of this going on, it makes it so hard for me to feel ready to feel the things I felt in that dream. Maybe it was just a dream, just a little fantasy that I could possibly feel that good about another person again so soon. But then again, maybe it wasn't a fantasy and I've just been repressing these feelings for a lot longer than I've been willing to admit. I don't know. I can't think this hard about my dreams when I have so much schoolwork to do, but it's always in the back of my mind. In my preconscious mind, if you will.
Fuck you, Freud.
But then again, it makes sense that I would feel that way. But I'm not ready for that to make sense. My feelings are so jumbled. Some days, I wake up and I think that I'm fine and that I really am getting over Bob, but other times I can't help but think about the fun we had and how it felt to be near him and then I just cry. He finally responded to me and he wants us to see each other sometime next week. This is going to be hard, but it's what I asked for, so I'll be ready for it when it happens.
But with all of this going on, it makes it so hard for me to feel ready to feel the things I felt in that dream. Maybe it was just a dream, just a little fantasy that I could possibly feel that good about another person again so soon. But then again, maybe it wasn't a fantasy and I've just been repressing these feelings for a lot longer than I've been willing to admit. I don't know. I can't think this hard about my dreams when I have so much schoolwork to do, but it's always in the back of my mind. In my preconscious mind, if you will.
Fuck you, Freud.