child psychology
since a couple of people i know here are myspace evaders, i'm reposting a journal i'd put up there:
Three useless ways people are tempted to wrestle their children into being obedient:
A. Antagonism, Threats, Oppression
I'm very reluctant to be a "disciplinarian" with these little people. I can't be angry with a child who hasn't developed a conscience. Right is a reference point to left. It is not a synonym for moral, not yet.
B. Bribery
This method is wrong in so many ways. Mainly, it supplants what could be genuine motivation, and the satisfaction of striving for a long-term goal (and actually achieving that goal), with instant gratification. Plus, children will learn quickly not to do anything unless you strike a deal with adequate compensation.
C. Reason
Infants and very young children can't cope with Hegel. I've tried. I've failed. Abstraction is just not their thing.
and a fourth...
D. Enchantment
This past Monday, I sat in a folding chair by the keyboard in the A family's house. Mrs. A had just had a lesson of her own, and now approached with a petulant, screaming child from the playroom. Mrs. A placed little A on the floor, where she sat motionless and pouty. The door closed, and silence descended.
I approached and knelt by her side.
"There was once a little princess," I broke the silence. "She lived in a great big castle, so vast that no one had ever seen all of the rooms and the treasures it held. The princess's favorite thing to do was to wander down the long hallways and peek into the rooms. One day, the princess heard a beautiful, mysterious sound coming from one of the rooms." I backed away, to the keyboard, and played a fragment of a Beethoven piece. When I returned to the child's side, I was encouraged by the plain curiosity on little A's face. "The little princess drew up all the courage she had, and she swung the door wide open. Before her, she saw a little old lady seated at a grand piano. The old lady beckoned her closer, and smiled.
-What are you doing? asked the princess.
-I am playing the piano, responded the old lady
-Why? asked the princess.
-When I play the piano, it makes the world spin around in time with my music. The sun rises when I play, and it sets when I play. Unicorns are enraptured, they come to visit often. All of the little creatures in the world come to visit me when I play music.
-Do you ever leave this room? asked the princess.
-Never, said the old lady. If I went a day without playing, the world would
become an empty, loveless, unhappy place.
-Old lady, said the princess, There is nothing I would like more than to learn how to play the piano. Will you teach me?
-I don't know, said the old lady, hesitating. It takes a special kind of person to play the piano. Tell me, what is your name?
-I am called Princess Little A, said the princess.
-Well, Princess Little A, to begin with, you need to have a pair of good eyes, eyes that can focus on the keys, and on me, when I am teaching you. Do you have eyes?
I directed this question at Little A very pointedly, and she nodded.
-Secondly, you need to have a pair of good ears, ears that can listen closely to music, and to my voice when I am speaking to you. Do you have ears?
Little A nodded again.
-Finally, Princess Little A, you need to have two empty hands, each with five fingers. If they are not empty, and ready to carry music, you will never be able to play the piano. Do you have two hands?
Little A nodded, and I asked her to show them to me. She was holding a little necklace, and I asked her to put it down, since she wouldn't be able to hold it AND play the piano at the same time. She cooperated very nicely.
-Well, Princess Little A, come over here and sit by me at the piano, then.
I walked over to the keyboard and patted the chair. She complied quietly. I was enchanted.. or she was enchanted.. or we were both enchanted. It was so gratifying.
-Princess Little A, said the little old lady, if you prove to me that you have eyes, ears, and hands, I will give you a silver star for each one at the end of the lesson.
Little A's eyes widened at the sheet of silver star stickers that I withdrew from my bag. (I don't believe this is bribery. I think this is a way to show Little A that when she does something good, she is acknowledged for it in a concrete way. There is a thin line separating the two...)
I think it is safe to say that this lesson went smashingly.
Will this continue? Oh, man, I hope so.
Three useless ways people are tempted to wrestle their children into being obedient:
A. Antagonism, Threats, Oppression
I'm very reluctant to be a "disciplinarian" with these little people. I can't be angry with a child who hasn't developed a conscience. Right is a reference point to left. It is not a synonym for moral, not yet.
B. Bribery
This method is wrong in so many ways. Mainly, it supplants what could be genuine motivation, and the satisfaction of striving for a long-term goal (and actually achieving that goal), with instant gratification. Plus, children will learn quickly not to do anything unless you strike a deal with adequate compensation.
C. Reason
Infants and very young children can't cope with Hegel. I've tried. I've failed. Abstraction is just not their thing.
and a fourth...
D. Enchantment
This past Monday, I sat in a folding chair by the keyboard in the A family's house. Mrs. A had just had a lesson of her own, and now approached with a petulant, screaming child from the playroom. Mrs. A placed little A on the floor, where she sat motionless and pouty. The door closed, and silence descended.
I approached and knelt by her side.
"There was once a little princess," I broke the silence. "She lived in a great big castle, so vast that no one had ever seen all of the rooms and the treasures it held. The princess's favorite thing to do was to wander down the long hallways and peek into the rooms. One day, the princess heard a beautiful, mysterious sound coming from one of the rooms." I backed away, to the keyboard, and played a fragment of a Beethoven piece. When I returned to the child's side, I was encouraged by the plain curiosity on little A's face. "The little princess drew up all the courage she had, and she swung the door wide open. Before her, she saw a little old lady seated at a grand piano. The old lady beckoned her closer, and smiled.
-What are you doing? asked the princess.
-I am playing the piano, responded the old lady
-Why? asked the princess.
-When I play the piano, it makes the world spin around in time with my music. The sun rises when I play, and it sets when I play. Unicorns are enraptured, they come to visit often. All of the little creatures in the world come to visit me when I play music.
-Do you ever leave this room? asked the princess.
-Never, said the old lady. If I went a day without playing, the world would
become an empty, loveless, unhappy place.
-Old lady, said the princess, There is nothing I would like more than to learn how to play the piano. Will you teach me?
-I don't know, said the old lady, hesitating. It takes a special kind of person to play the piano. Tell me, what is your name?
-I am called Princess Little A, said the princess.
-Well, Princess Little A, to begin with, you need to have a pair of good eyes, eyes that can focus on the keys, and on me, when I am teaching you. Do you have eyes?
I directed this question at Little A very pointedly, and she nodded.
-Secondly, you need to have a pair of good ears, ears that can listen closely to music, and to my voice when I am speaking to you. Do you have ears?
Little A nodded again.
-Finally, Princess Little A, you need to have two empty hands, each with five fingers. If they are not empty, and ready to carry music, you will never be able to play the piano. Do you have two hands?
Little A nodded, and I asked her to show them to me. She was holding a little necklace, and I asked her to put it down, since she wouldn't be able to hold it AND play the piano at the same time. She cooperated very nicely.
-Well, Princess Little A, come over here and sit by me at the piano, then.
I walked over to the keyboard and patted the chair. She complied quietly. I was enchanted.. or she was enchanted.. or we were both enchanted. It was so gratifying.
-Princess Little A, said the little old lady, if you prove to me that you have eyes, ears, and hands, I will give you a silver star for each one at the end of the lesson.
Little A's eyes widened at the sheet of silver star stickers that I withdrew from my bag. (I don't believe this is bribery. I think this is a way to show Little A that when she does something good, she is acknowledged for it in a concrete way. There is a thin line separating the two...)
I think it is safe to say that this lesson went smashingly.
Will this continue? Oh, man, I hope so.