Life Lesson Number One
Lesson #1:
Being alone is a part of life, too.
It's hard to stop moving, because when I do, I tend to realize my aloneness in the world. Not loneliness, necessarily, just the fact that I don't have constant human backing. No one to justify my emotions or decisions. No one to long for. No one here to give me suggestions, make me laugh, free me from my insecurities.
It's when I'm alone that I realize that ignoring the hollow feeling in my chest doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't make me feel more whole.
I haven't lost my faith in God. I haven't seriously questioned my faith or God's character or existence. But I've let the constant activity flow into his place in my life. The only problem is that, like a buoy bobbing on the waves, the movement, thought, movies, crushes, friendships, thinking sessions, leave me with a constant throb. Will I be at the crest or the trough at any given moment? It's not a feeling of peace. It is constant anxiety.
And that's why, Lord, I surrender this independence thing to dependence on you. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I have no idea what the next week, month, year holds. But you have a very definite understanding of everything in my life past, present, future. So I commit to you, my friend, my bridegroom, my sage, my security, my confidence booster, my heavenly father. Change my heart. Give me relationship patience. You are my center.
Falling for you for eternity,
Leah ( :
Being alone is a part of life, too.
It's hard to stop moving, because when I do, I tend to realize my aloneness in the world. Not loneliness, necessarily, just the fact that I don't have constant human backing. No one to justify my emotions or decisions. No one to long for. No one here to give me suggestions, make me laugh, free me from my insecurities.
It's when I'm alone that I realize that ignoring the hollow feeling in my chest doesn't solve the problem. It doesn't make me feel more whole.
I haven't lost my faith in God. I haven't seriously questioned my faith or God's character or existence. But I've let the constant activity flow into his place in my life. The only problem is that, like a buoy bobbing on the waves, the movement, thought, movies, crushes, friendships, thinking sessions, leave me with a constant throb. Will I be at the crest or the trough at any given moment? It's not a feeling of peace. It is constant anxiety.
And that's why, Lord, I surrender this independence thing to dependence on you. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I have no idea what the next week, month, year holds. But you have a very definite understanding of everything in my life past, present, future. So I commit to you, my friend, my bridegroom, my sage, my security, my confidence booster, my heavenly father. Change my heart. Give me relationship patience. You are my center.
Falling for you for eternity,
Leah ( :