I'm Awake
I'm so tired right now. Literally and figuratively. I like my job, I do. I know it sounds like I hate it, but I complain about everything. If I complain about it, it probably means somewhere in my dark complaining heart I love it to death. LOL. But seriously, I feel like I've been put through the wringer with all these crazy "assessment" tests or skill finder things, and now I hafta do another one. The problem that I have with those tests is that even if you only have a few seconds to answer, one could still potentially choose the wrong answer. The answer you want to be. For example, I know that I am an emotional person. I can come off as cool and cardboard to a lot of people, but I am a mass of hot- headed, impulsive and mercurial feeling. But I would like to be seen as someone reasonable. LOL. Because those people get more respect, and people listen to them. I feel like people don't listen to me. They talk at me, and then when it's my turn to talk they are really just waiting for their turn to come up again. It's obnoxious. So what do I base this on, the reality or what I want? It's supposed to be the reality, but coming from me that's going to be a little skewed.
Speaking of talking, I'm tired of communicating. LOL. Social communicating. I am always the reciever. I feel like I'm a microphone, or a soapbox. Constantly catching other people's sound waves. The only reason I know the sound of my own voice is because I talk to myself every day. I ask questions, I give small comments, I act/am interested. Can't you just once be interested in me? Or let me speak? I hate to be rude, but I'm about to start interrupting people. EXCUSE ME, IT'S YOUR TURN TO PRETEND YOU CARE. lol. 15 minutes of you, 15 minutes of me, and then maybe we can have a real balanced conversation on the see-saw back-and-forth called a conversation. Actually, fxck it. Let's just have lots and lots of comfortable silences, everyone all around.
I'm tired of my stagnant life. I need to do something active. I'm going to...starting next month. LOL. I'm such a joke.
I'm tired of being at fault. I'm not always the one with the problem. I feel that every time I talk about the problems that other people are giving me, someone turns it around and makes it sound like I need to work on something. Maybe you're wrong - maybe I'm right, and that other person needs to fix themselves. LOL. Or maybe that other person has better "communication skill sets" to fix the problem between us, so they should make the first move. I just am getting tired of this conversation:
ME: So, Gigi punched me in the face today and made me bleed.
X: Well, maybe you deserved it - what did you do to make Gigi want to punch you hard enough to make you bleed?
ME: Me? I didn't really do anything. Maybe I said something, but there's no reason for Gigi to haul off and punch me in the face...
X: You should consider x/y/z to get x/y/z result and it'll be good for you
Me? ME? It's not about everyone understanding their role in what happened and being accountable for it, it's about who had the biggest role and the most accountability. Which is usually not me.
Other than that, I had fun this weekend. I missed Fran super much. Met Marvin's cat and hopefully taught Marvin the marvels and illusions of photoshop (or not, since he likes to f*ck with ppl a lot - you know good and damn well that no one's bodies are that perfect, or you should). Alright. Time to work.
Speaking of talking, I'm tired of communicating. LOL. Social communicating. I am always the reciever. I feel like I'm a microphone, or a soapbox. Constantly catching other people's sound waves. The only reason I know the sound of my own voice is because I talk to myself every day. I ask questions, I give small comments, I act/am interested. Can't you just once be interested in me? Or let me speak? I hate to be rude, but I'm about to start interrupting people. EXCUSE ME, IT'S YOUR TURN TO PRETEND YOU CARE. lol. 15 minutes of you, 15 minutes of me, and then maybe we can have a real balanced conversation on the see-saw back-and-forth called a conversation. Actually, fxck it. Let's just have lots and lots of comfortable silences, everyone all around.
I'm tired of my stagnant life. I need to do something active. I'm going to...starting next month. LOL. I'm such a joke.
I'm tired of being at fault. I'm not always the one with the problem. I feel that every time I talk about the problems that other people are giving me, someone turns it around and makes it sound like I need to work on something. Maybe you're wrong - maybe I'm right, and that other person needs to fix themselves. LOL. Or maybe that other person has better "communication skill sets" to fix the problem between us, so they should make the first move. I just am getting tired of this conversation:
ME: So, Gigi punched me in the face today and made me bleed.
X: Well, maybe you deserved it - what did you do to make Gigi want to punch you hard enough to make you bleed?
ME: Me? I didn't really do anything. Maybe I said something, but there's no reason for Gigi to haul off and punch me in the face...
X: You should consider x/y/z to get x/y/z result and it'll be good for you
Me? ME? It's not about everyone understanding their role in what happened and being accountable for it, it's about who had the biggest role and the most accountability. Which is usually not me.
Other than that, I had fun this weekend. I missed Fran super much. Met Marvin's cat and hopefully taught Marvin the marvels and illusions of photoshop (or not, since he likes to f*ck with ppl a lot - you know good and damn well that no one's bodies are that perfect, or you should). Alright. Time to work.