here's a present to let you know i still exist

[tiffybear]

there's something in the air tonight that makes me want to think about all the things i promised myself i would do and become, but didn't and haven't so far. not much new has been going on in the way of things concerning everything that's been going on with me lately. today makes exactly a year to the day. not that i was thinking of it. my mom and dad were supposed to come see me three times this year the last time being today but they cancelled everytime. my betta is dying as i type this. i am horribly inebriated. i can't help but get the feeling like i should have done the things i wanted to do and say a long time ago because now i'm regretting it. this night has lasted forever.
i really wish i was in bakersfield right now. even the trip alone is enough.
i wish i had become the person and done the things i promised i'd do before i became a grown up. i'm not even good at doing what i consider to be what i do best. that's pretty bad.
for some reason i really need to talk right now and the one person i want to talk to most i can't.
i fucked up but this time i cant help but get the feeling i need to be someone i'm not.

"dont try to fight the feeling cause the thought alone is killing me right now"

"make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you"