a blobby blur
Today, or technically yesterday was a pretty good day. Besides the fact that Jenn came in pretty much right after I woke up and I had 5 minutes to get ready. But I found out that I am doing well in anthropology, surprise surprise! We will just have to see with the upcoming paper..uh oh. A lot of people went home this weekend but many stayed. And you know it is the people that you don't care too much about that stay (except for Phi! she is my life savor). But today was totally a vegging day! And it was nice, a lot nicer than my last weekend of vegging. After classes, I just felt so..blah. I can't explain it. I remember talking to one of my TAs and he said I looked tired. I would think so, I keep sleeping at like 3:30-5am and I don't know why. But this lack of sleep has been doing something to me. I may be going delirious, becoming an insomniac or something but these past days have just been like a blur.
I look back at my whole freshman year in college, and ask myself, where did it all go?! I feel like it was all a blur. That everything was pretty much the same thing; going to class, receiving mediocre grades, eating crap food, and staying up late for no good reason. The sad thing is that nothing has been really distinctive in my first year in college. I remember saying that I was going to get adjusted, settle in a bit. But I feel like I have been so unproductive and I wasted a year of my life. I didn't get involved in ANYTHING; no clubs, no church, no internships, no job..nothing. I just sat on my butt and did nothing. And I want to get in to a PA program at either Loma Linda or USC?! At this rate, I feel like I will be lucky to just get in to a program. Not only do I have nothing to put on my resume but I don't have decent grades to back myself up. I am basically setting myself up for failure and putting my mother in debt.
Maybe right now I am just stressing, and I may be exaggerating slightly but the truth is the truth. If I don't do anything, I am not going to get anywhere in life. I want to have a distinctive life, screw being ordinary and not blend in with the crowd. I guess I just need a kick in the butt every once in a while to get to where I want to be. At least today was sort of productive, I did my graphs for chemistry post lab and am trying to catch up the 100 pages I am behind for anthropology. I am on my way! :]
I look back at my whole freshman year in college, and ask myself, where did it all go?! I feel like it was all a blur. That everything was pretty much the same thing; going to class, receiving mediocre grades, eating crap food, and staying up late for no good reason. The sad thing is that nothing has been really distinctive in my first year in college. I remember saying that I was going to get adjusted, settle in a bit. But I feel like I have been so unproductive and I wasted a year of my life. I didn't get involved in ANYTHING; no clubs, no church, no internships, no job..nothing. I just sat on my butt and did nothing. And I want to get in to a PA program at either Loma Linda or USC?! At this rate, I feel like I will be lucky to just get in to a program. Not only do I have nothing to put on my resume but I don't have decent grades to back myself up. I am basically setting myself up for failure and putting my mother in debt.
Maybe right now I am just stressing, and I may be exaggerating slightly but the truth is the truth. If I don't do anything, I am not going to get anywhere in life. I want to have a distinctive life, screw being ordinary and not blend in with the crowd. I guess I just need a kick in the butt every once in a while to get to where I want to be. At least today was sort of productive, I did my graphs for chemistry post lab and am trying to catch up the 100 pages I am behind for anthropology. I am on my way! :]