(no subject)

[tiffaroo08]

Hey everyone...i just read Mandys journal and it made me think....bout a lot of things....things she didn't even metion...like if i got hurt...who would be by my side.....who would be there for me.....or if i was emotionally hurt...who would be there talking me through it....like if my dad fucks up again like i know he still is but...who will be there to calm me down....theres been lots of times when i wanna hang out with certain friends and there busy doing other things sometimes i dont think our friends will last that long i mean i know i will be friends with them but i dont know it seems like all this friend stuff was really easy in 8th grade....like i wanna hang out with all my friends but....there out hangin out with everyone else or something and its like woah whats going on...were all growing up and growing apart and i dont know its crzy...i mean you have friends that wanna kill themself and you really dont want that to happen...you have friends that do drugs and get high a lot and then you just got friends that stab ya in the back or ignore you.....sometimes i just think i need to go to a real shrink and just let everything out cuz i have been like really stressed out and upset a lot lately...and i have also been happy and those emotions mixing together is REALLY not fun.....cuz if im actually doing something i can be all Like "Woo Im Tiff!" but if i sit down for on sec and think i get all upset again.....like on Sat. i had a fun time at the hayride i was hangin out with Brandon cuz i was babysittin him and yeah i was kinda happy then me and Brandon sat by the fire and he was throwing things in there and i was still okay then the tractor came back and we sat down in it and ui started thinking and i got upset...then we got to Laura's and we ended up talking bout Jd and she said something bout him having a gf and i was like "oh really....oh well" but thats not what i was feeling on the inside...on the inside it was more like *Oh My Bob What the Hell Oh My Bob i hate my life* and then we went home and i watched Degrassi and then went to bed and cried myself to sleep......my family well some of my family members like my aunts and uncles probably think im like a longer cuz when im at family parties i usually go sit down and think and yeah....unless i have a friend there with me and thrn its a lil okay......but then my dad he thinks im a fuckin slut on the computer he thinks i do A LOT of bad things on there cuz of an incident that happened like 4 yeahs ago...and i hate him for it cuz that happened soooo long ago and he STILL fucking does stuff like that and it pisses me off thats another reason why i want to go to a shrink cuz i cant talk to ANY adults bout my dad cuz he gets all frickin pissed off and *cries* i hate him soooo much......

on other news......me and Jd are getting really close i love him a lot but i'll have to write more later cuz that last thing i talked bout got me upset *cry* ttyl's byes

<3Tiffany