my first try at poetry...kind of?

[tiffanysmith]

ok, so i know it doesn't make much sense...but here's a poem/story/thing that I wrote. It doesn't flow, it doesn't rhyme, the title doesn't really fit, the subject changes in the middle....eh. It's late and I had this weird urge to write...so this is what I came up with

Comments

[bullpugluv]

fantastic!

[tiffanysmith]

lol...i wouldn't say so. but thank you!

[inhowyouinflect]

okay so i'm a english major.

it's a good opening, i like that it doesn't have to rhyme and all that. i'd say it would probably be in the top 70% of the poems we had submitted in my class.

so, take that for what you will. you could probably tighten it a little more by cutting the transitional chaff words (until, to, with, etc).

[tiffanysmith]

so its overwhelmingly average? i think you're too kind. lol at least that 70% of your class probably knew about poem meter and structure and what not. i barely know what iambic pentameter is!

i'm hoping i'll get better with practice (and a little studying), so thanks for the advice and constructive criticism. It's very much appreciated!

[inhowyouinflect]

nah most of them were total hacks.

one of them had a line that was like
"whats up good lookin
whats up whats cookin"

wait, i guess that doesn't make you look any better, does it?

but yeah, this is pretty solid.

[tiffanysmith]

LOL nice. I'd like to hear the rest of that some day.