I hate this. Being this person. Being out of my groove and throwing off my entire existance. Heavy, I know. Thats why I'm so messed up about it
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Can you try to... divide your mind? Just... think of everything big and bad and put it into one uber death thought of sorrow and misery... and then divide it. Divide it away from the here, the now, the Life. Just for a little bit? Just to enjoy things... just to make all the trouble worth it? Then... pull a little at the mess? Maybe grab a paper. Something easy. Or a project. Something that if you needed to rush you could. Get it done early, but make it fun. Fuck the rules. Fuck the score. Just do it how you want... even if the papers are about how so-and-so artist is an asshat and everything is falling apart and such. ...And then really do the assignment (or if the teacher won't mind, go with the Eff everything version). So that way the pile you have locked in your mind's closet is just a little bit smaller. A little bit more manageable. ...sometimes this method keeps me sane. It needs something to be worth everything, though... right? What about your dreams? Your art? Your teaching? In the long run, you still want those things, right? Don't worry about them. Don't fret over goals. Use them as motivation.
Sorry... I didn't mean to rant and take over your LJ. XD
::Hug::
Can you try to... divide your mind? Just... think of everything big and bad and put it into one uber death thought of sorrow and misery... and then divide it. Divide it away from the here, the now, the Life. Just for a little bit? Just to enjoy things... just to make all the trouble worth it? Then... pull a little at the mess? Maybe grab a paper. Something easy. Or a project. Something that if you needed to rush you could. Get it done early, but make it fun. Fuck the rules. Fuck the score. Just do it how you want... even if the papers are about how so-and-so artist is an asshat and everything is falling apart and such. ...And then really do the assignment (or if the teacher won't mind, go with the Eff everything version). So that way the pile you have locked in your mind's closet is just a little bit smaller. A little bit more manageable. ...sometimes this method keeps me sane. It needs something to be worth everything, though... right? What about your dreams? Your art? Your teaching? In the long run, you still want those things, right? Don't worry about them. Don't fret over goals. Use them as motivation.
Sorry... I didn't mean to rant and take over your LJ. XD
-SZ
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