Daydreaming
Sometimes my job entails a fair amount of driving, and since my brain sees quietly driving down the road without "processing" any thought as wasted time, driving is my "thinking time." Sometimes I use it to plan and make decisions, but more often than not it's just random, undirected thoughts and/or daydreams that come and go as they please.
Yesterday was one such day. While driving to Columbus, I had the nicest daydream. While i know daydreams aren't really as significant as sleep dreams because they come more from your conscious than unconscious mind, it was still nice b/c I wasn't really actively creating the thoughts as much as just letting them come to me.
Ever since I got outed, thoughts about transitioning or thoughts related to it have taken up much of my conscious thought, and so it was yesterday. In my imagination, I found myself standing in front of my bathroom mirror wearing my skinny girl jeans and a bra that held my own non-silicone containing C cup breasts while straightening shoulder length black hair. (Not sure why black b/c I want to be a redhead, but that's what it was.) While I was getting ready (to go out apparently), my friend JJ showed up and told me I looked, really, really cute, which (even though it occurred in a daydream) made me feel good. Basically the whole dream gave me something to look forward to and renewed some of my hope for a normal post-transition life. I just hope reality turns out even remotely close to my dreams so that the sacrifices I have made won't be in vain.
In other related news, it's been about a month since I was outed to at least my family. I have since been into employer #1 several times and nobody has said anything yet so either they don't know or have no intention of letting on that they know. It's been the same with employer #2, so I really don't know what to think. I just hate wondering what people are thinking of me. I don't ultimately care what people think, but sometimes it's nice to know so you know who your friends are.
Yesterday was one such day. While driving to Columbus, I had the nicest daydream. While i know daydreams aren't really as significant as sleep dreams because they come more from your conscious than unconscious mind, it was still nice b/c I wasn't really actively creating the thoughts as much as just letting them come to me.
Ever since I got outed, thoughts about transitioning or thoughts related to it have taken up much of my conscious thought, and so it was yesterday. In my imagination, I found myself standing in front of my bathroom mirror wearing my skinny girl jeans and a bra that held my own non-silicone containing C cup breasts while straightening shoulder length black hair. (Not sure why black b/c I want to be a redhead, but that's what it was.) While I was getting ready (to go out apparently), my friend JJ showed up and told me I looked, really, really cute, which (even though it occurred in a daydream) made me feel good. Basically the whole dream gave me something to look forward to and renewed some of my hope for a normal post-transition life. I just hope reality turns out even remotely close to my dreams so that the sacrifices I have made won't be in vain.
In other related news, it's been about a month since I was outed to at least my family. I have since been into employer #1 several times and nobody has said anything yet so either they don't know or have no intention of letting on that they know. It's been the same with employer #2, so I really don't know what to think. I just hate wondering what people are thinking of me. I don't ultimately care what people think, but sometimes it's nice to know so you know who your friends are.