20 rules of drunken phone operation
1. Only drunk dial when your drunk. Everything else is false
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2. It is ok to call someone 27 times in one night. If you dont
remember it, it didnt happen
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. EX: "Mom Im in Taco Bell and they are playin our song, I Love You"...Bet you could go for a stuffed Chalupa....
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesnt want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M.
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friends can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright... if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober. Tho when I do, its apt to look something like this "hey! klma ove aldj trees!!"
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover theyve ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad when someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you during this special time.
9. It is always a good idea to sing to someones answering machine or voice mail. I prefer Muskrat Love... or the cant go wrong love ballad of all time.."Me so Horny"..
10. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed..never angry.
11. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem"...
12.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
13. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in the phonebook is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
14. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friends phone to do your dialing... better yet, do it from your hotel room..."Who the hell called me from the Notell Motel in Boise?" Best part, they cant trace it back to your room, just the lobby, and those fuckers need to earn their 6.25 an hour so in all actuality, your doing them a favor.
15. Drunk dialing to foreign countries is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you dont call this person youll just die, break rule 14 and use your friends phone. Besides, it may be 4 a.m. where you live, but people are just getting off work in Australia.
16. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing... Be prepared.
17. When dialing, remember that "hanging out" at 3 a.m. usually doesnt involve cards. Its probably gonna be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do wanna play X-box when your drunk..."You want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
18. Dont drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when you are too drunk to be using any electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
19. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friends parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, I find the people at the Taco Bell hotline are very attentive. This number can be found at any drive thru window, and they will ALWAYS give you free food, just to get your silly drunk ass off the phone.
20. Never ever dial the person that let you in on these rules or the person that he stole them from.
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2. It is ok to call someone 27 times in one night. If you dont
remember it, it didnt happen
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. EX: "Mom Im in Taco Bell and they are playin our song, I Love You"...Bet you could go for a stuffed Chalupa....
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesnt want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M.
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friends can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright... if you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober. Tho when I do, its apt to look something like this "hey! klma ove aldj trees!!"
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover theyve ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad when someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you during this special time.
9. It is always a good idea to sing to someones answering machine or voice mail. I prefer Muskrat Love... or the cant go wrong love ballad of all time.."Me so Horny"..
10. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed..never angry.
11. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem"...
12.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
13. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in the phonebook is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
14. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friends phone to do your dialing... better yet, do it from your hotel room..."Who the hell called me from the Notell Motel in Boise?" Best part, they cant trace it back to your room, just the lobby, and those fuckers need to earn their 6.25 an hour so in all actuality, your doing them a favor.
15. Drunk dialing to foreign countries is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you dont call this person youll just die, break rule 14 and use your friends phone. Besides, it may be 4 a.m. where you live, but people are just getting off work in Australia.
16. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing... Be prepared.
17. When dialing, remember that "hanging out" at 3 a.m. usually doesnt involve cards. Its probably gonna be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do wanna play X-box when your drunk..."You want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
18. Dont drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when you are too drunk to be using any electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
19. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friends parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, I find the people at the Taco Bell hotline are very attentive. This number can be found at any drive thru window, and they will ALWAYS give you free food, just to get your silly drunk ass off the phone.
20. Never ever dial the person that let you in on these rules or the person that he stole them from.
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