feel like a failure...
Why does it all have to be so hard?!?
I feel like a failure, even though I know I shouldn't, because Snuffy had to have her first bit of formula today. It was only 2 oz added to 4 oz of breastmilk - but I think she had to have it twice. I'm just not able to pump enough to get her enough food during the day anymore. And she's up almost every 3 hours at night now to eat, so I don't think I'm "making" enough period... I know it's fine, and I shouldn't let anyone make me feel like a failure for this, but I tried so hard - I stocked up in advance, I got the good pump, I planned and planned - but still it didn't work out. I've been walking around since I was 10 with stupid huge breasts that I had no use for - other than waiting to use them for "what they were designed for" - breastfeeding. I've always somewhat considered a breast reduction, but never until after I finished having children so I could be sure I could breastfeed successfully. And now I am letting myself feel like a failure because they, meaning my breasts, didn't live up to their part of the bargain.
Sigh...
And to top it all off, we finalized a refinancing/debt consolidation finally - but I got the checks today that I'm supposed to mail out to the credit cards and account that Mike had in collection - and 4 of them are made out to the wrong people. Some of the rest of them I can only hope will be accepted, they are for the right companies, sort of. Like instead of Citicard, the check says "Citi" - since that's what is on the credit report...
Why does it have to be so hard!!
At least I have another 3 day weekend coming up. And I should know soon if I can afford to go down to 4 days a week by the end of the month. Although, with Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, it might be better to wait to go to part time so I get to take advantage of the paid holidays better... Maybe I can just start taking a vacation day here and there so I have days off at least twice a month, no matter what. Now that's an idea!
I feel like a failure, even though I know I shouldn't, because Snuffy had to have her first bit of formula today. It was only 2 oz added to 4 oz of breastmilk - but I think she had to have it twice. I'm just not able to pump enough to get her enough food during the day anymore. And she's up almost every 3 hours at night now to eat, so I don't think I'm "making" enough period... I know it's fine, and I shouldn't let anyone make me feel like a failure for this, but I tried so hard - I stocked up in advance, I got the good pump, I planned and planned - but still it didn't work out. I've been walking around since I was 10 with stupid huge breasts that I had no use for - other than waiting to use them for "what they were designed for" - breastfeeding. I've always somewhat considered a breast reduction, but never until after I finished having children so I could be sure I could breastfeed successfully. And now I am letting myself feel like a failure because they, meaning my breasts, didn't live up to their part of the bargain.
Sigh...
And to top it all off, we finalized a refinancing/debt consolidation finally - but I got the checks today that I'm supposed to mail out to the credit cards and account that Mike had in collection - and 4 of them are made out to the wrong people. Some of the rest of them I can only hope will be accepted, they are for the right companies, sort of. Like instead of Citicard, the check says "Citi" - since that's what is on the credit report...
Why does it have to be so hard!!
At least I have another 3 day weekend coming up. And I should know soon if I can afford to go down to 4 days a week by the end of the month. Although, with Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, it might be better to wait to go to part time so I get to take advantage of the paid holidays better... Maybe I can just start taking a vacation day here and there so I have days off at least twice a month, no matter what. Now that's an idea!