Surreal morning...

Sep 11, 2006 09:17

Today is our "test run" with Snuffy getting to Grumsie's house by Mike in the morning and my making sure I can pump enough in two sessions to get her through a day. She woke up on her own at 5:59AM, with the alarm set for 6, not a bad start. She ate well and I got her ready and didn't even have to drag Mike out of bed to get himself up. But as soon as they left, my morning became surreal.

I am in my house, my empty house, without Snuffy. It makes me feel a little empty to not have her here. And then I start watching the news. My emptiness can not compare to that of so many others experiencing this 5 year anniversary of 9/11. And as everyone talks about how their lives and the world has changed in 5 years, I think about the past 5 years for me. For me personally, and selfishly, forgetting about the rest of the world and all those who suffer for just a moment of self-reflection.

5 years ago I was riding the stationary bike in my room in West Roxbury - actually exercising before work. I was watching the Today show, and could not believe what I was seeing. I woke up my roommate Scott and we sat in my room and just watched the horrors unfold. I was immediately concerned about my family, as my father had flow to Baltimore that morning for a business trip. Thankfully, my family and Scott's family were all safe that terrible morning. But how much has my life changed...

5 years ago I was working at the theater, alone, and frequently lonely since I had no one special in my life. Now I am about to go back to my "regular job" of 4 years, I'm married, I own a house, and I have done the most important thing I will ever do - become a parent. Lucy - I must refer to her as who she is for this entry - has forever changed my life. The emptiness I feel at just having her not in my presence is the best kind there can be - one that is temporary, not truly an emptiness, just a recognition that those I love most in this world are elsewhere at this moment. But it makes knowing that I will be back with them soon all the more special. And somehow, it makes this 5 year anniversary of 9/11 all the more present and powerful for me. I feel selfish to think of how wonderfully my life has changed in the past 5 years, but the wonderful things I am so lucky to have today, make me understand the loss others feel more deeply and meaningfully.

I hope that 5 years from now the world is a better place for all. And I hope it continues to be a loving place for those who I love and hold so dear.
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