so far
I havent posted in this in a while and I had some free time so i figured i mite as well...so i went to the doctor about my OCD and he def. agreed that I have OCD and didnt seem surprised at all...apparently its fairly common in women around my age esp. women who have suffered with anxiety in the past...its genetic also so im sure i get alot of it from my mom...either way he gave me a prescription for luvox and it has really helped so far. the only downside is i have to take it 2x a day which i have a really hard time rememebering to take meds but ive started carrying a purse again and i keep it on me so it has been a lil easier to remember to take...it has seemed to really help...im glad that it is working like i can leave my room messy and be ok and i can come home after being at donnies for a night and not care if jessica made a mess the night before...my handwriting/notes have gotten to be a little sloppier, just like...not as perfect handwriting and i feel a lil less like testy about stuff i guess? i dunno...i kinda miss my cleanliness and organization...it was always nice to come home to a clean room and a made bed and now half the time when i get home there are clothes everywhere and my bed is sloppy from the nite before...and i liked having a clean apt but that isnt as big of a deal because i can still feel myself having SOME of my original cleanliness pet peeves so it hasnt ever gotten so bad...like the one thing that bothers me SO much is leaving dirty dishes in the sink...and im guilty of it sometimes like ill leave one dish in the sink and do it the next morning but like...i hate having SO many dishes in the sink that its like over-flowing and jess does that sometimes and i know she will clean it eventually but its just easier for me to clean myself while im thinking about it so i dont mind...i think she sometimes thinks that i DO mind but if it bothered me that much i wouldnt do it and i would just complain to her more...like alot of times i do it while im cooking or about to cook...like while im waiting for the oven to pre-heat i will do dishes or while im waiting on my water to boil or pasta to cook or meat to defrost its just easier for me to do them at that time...i dont feel like things are uneven i feel like she tries to keep up on the bathroom and i try and keep up on the kitchen like if i notice its gettin kinda icky i will sweep and vacuum the rug and wipe off the counters and stove top...it takes a whopping 15mins to do all that so its not a huge inconvience....
so other than me being slightly more sane lets see what else is going on...this semester is alot more relaxing like i dont feel stressed all the time...i havent been as involved which i feel bad about but i just hate having a semester where i like am freaking out all the time and never have any me time...like im not happy doing that...i still volunteer w/ the rape crisis and abuse center i try and have 1 or 2 nights a week of being on-call and i have started going in on fridays during the day to help with just the mundane office stuff like filing and stuffing envelopes which i actually enjoy because i know it really helps them out so they can get more done each day...i havent been helping as much with the special needs awareness committee because its difficult for me to find the time on sunday nights and usually i either have work or i get off at work at like 4 and dont feel like sitting on campus bored until 8 when the meeting is and i dont want to drive back...i feel guilty but i need to start being selfish and stop committing myself to things that i dont 100% enjoy...i am still involved and i dunno i am JUST busy enough...not so busy i hate my life but not so lazy that i feel worthless...
i am still babysitting and working phonathon which is working out well...ive been doing good saving money....i have almost $775 saved which is great...i want to work SO much this summer...im gunna try and get a job at AAA and just work like 35hours a week and save everything...,jess and i are planning on taking a summer class together at NKU just like a science class...we havent decided what class yet maybe like astronomy or geology or something but it will be good and i want to maybe take some online classes through sinclair but im not quite sure yet what i need to do about that....i hope my grades are good this spring semester i cant really tell.,..im kinda struggling in bio but i decided to stick wiith it...i got a 70% on the first test but i think i did alot better on the 2nd i will find out tomorrow when we get them back...so far ive done good in my other classes i think...there arent very many grades to go off of yet even though we are at midterm alot of my classes only have a few things to get a grade for...so i will just have to wait and see i am just alot more calm and non-chalant i dunno if its my medication or just me relaxing but i realize if i can get A's and Bs that is ok i dont HAVE to get straight A's even though it feels great when i do...and for bio even if i get a C i will be ok bc the class is VERY difficult for me...plus i am basically taking 6 classes cuz bio and bio lab are technically supposed to be like one class but you end up doing work and having to study for two separate classes but whatev... well im gunna go eat so i guess i will update this shit later if i have time....
so other than me being slightly more sane lets see what else is going on...this semester is alot more relaxing like i dont feel stressed all the time...i havent been as involved which i feel bad about but i just hate having a semester where i like am freaking out all the time and never have any me time...like im not happy doing that...i still volunteer w/ the rape crisis and abuse center i try and have 1 or 2 nights a week of being on-call and i have started going in on fridays during the day to help with just the mundane office stuff like filing and stuffing envelopes which i actually enjoy because i know it really helps them out so they can get more done each day...i havent been helping as much with the special needs awareness committee because its difficult for me to find the time on sunday nights and usually i either have work or i get off at work at like 4 and dont feel like sitting on campus bored until 8 when the meeting is and i dont want to drive back...i feel guilty but i need to start being selfish and stop committing myself to things that i dont 100% enjoy...i am still involved and i dunno i am JUST busy enough...not so busy i hate my life but not so lazy that i feel worthless...
i am still babysitting and working phonathon which is working out well...ive been doing good saving money....i have almost $775 saved which is great...i want to work SO much this summer...im gunna try and get a job at AAA and just work like 35hours a week and save everything...,jess and i are planning on taking a summer class together at NKU just like a science class...we havent decided what class yet maybe like astronomy or geology or something but it will be good and i want to maybe take some online classes through sinclair but im not quite sure yet what i need to do about that....i hope my grades are good this spring semester i cant really tell.,..im kinda struggling in bio but i decided to stick wiith it...i got a 70% on the first test but i think i did alot better on the 2nd i will find out tomorrow when we get them back...so far ive done good in my other classes i think...there arent very many grades to go off of yet even though we are at midterm alot of my classes only have a few things to get a grade for...so i will just have to wait and see i am just alot more calm and non-chalant i dunno if its my medication or just me relaxing but i realize if i can get A's and Bs that is ok i dont HAVE to get straight A's even though it feels great when i do...and for bio even if i get a C i will be ok bc the class is VERY difficult for me...plus i am basically taking 6 classes cuz bio and bio lab are technically supposed to be like one class but you end up doing work and having to study for two separate classes but whatev... well im gunna go eat so i guess i will update this shit later if i have time....