Comments | tierfallen: Original -- I Like Your Girlfriend

tierfal in tierfallen

Original -- I Like Your Girlfriend

Feb 02, 2010 19:46

Title: I Like Your Girlfriend
Rating: G
Word Count: 484
Warnings: I used to think I was pretty politically-correct. Then I started writing Nick.
Prompt: "I Like Your Girlfriend"
Summary: A selection of not-at-all-known facts about Theo, who loves this movie and hates his life.
Author's Note: For pulped_fictions. GO GREEN TEAM. :D For reference, Nick and Theo ( Read more... )

[year] 2010, [character - original] nick deveraux, [genre] humor, [length] 500 or less, [character - original] theo alton, [rating] g, [original] assorted, [genre] friendship

Comments 47

neerett February 3 2010, 04:00:22 UTC

<3<3<3somuch<3

uhm i might give a more coherent review when i am actually awake

tierfal February 4 2010, 04:36:03 UTC

I'm delighted to hear it either way. :D

neerett February 5 2010, 17:59:03 UTC

Oh goody. <3

shiiki February 3 2010, 04:02:17 UTC

I love the Crazy Meter. Once you've established it, it makes all the descriptions so straightforward, easy for the reader to understand, without too much lengthy prose.

She was the kind of girl who sowed dread in the pit of Theo’s stomach, because she was the kind of girl who could replace him for good.

Ouch, that one really got me. I totally get his fear!

shiiki for Team Red

tierfal February 4 2010, 04:37:04 UTC

I'm really glad other people identify with that, haha. XD

Thanks very much! :)

lillbet February 3 2010, 04:34:41 UTC

I liked this. I liked your Theo-voice, the Crazy Meter, etc. This is one of the first stories I've read that genuinely sounded like it should and could go on for a book length. I could also picture this as a script with an awesome voice over (if there is a script, may I have a link to it?).

That said, it took me a minute to get the Pun Ladders line- it felt random and then I realized that Theo was internally monologing for a moment, going back to the earlier pun reference.

I particularly like Nick- I know guys like him. Hell, I'm probably his female counterpart (which is weird, because guys like that annoy me). Kudos for finely drawing two characters in a short space.

And I almost feel guilty for saying this (because it was so much fun to read it's almost mercenary to want "credit" for this) but:

lillbet for TEAM BLACK.

tierfal February 4 2010, 04:41:19 UTC

I've got the first sentence of a novel about them. I'm considering making this the first scene, since it wanted to go on forever, whereas nothing else I attempt ever cooperates like that. And a script exists, but I only have the raw version on this computer, and I don't actually have the program downloaded to open it, and... this is sort of the way of things these days. XD There are a couple more Nick-and-Theo-y adventures to be found here, though, if you like. ^^

Eugh, that line... I had something longer, then it got in the way of other things, and eventually I just gave up. XD Thank you for calling me out on it, though; laziness will be my undoing. XD

Nick kind of terrifies me in that I clearly have the capacity to understand him. :D

Thanks so much! :)

(And are you kidding? Nick approves of Team Black more than words can say! ;D)

enomis57 February 3 2010, 06:16:22 UTC

Brilliant. I loved the ease with which they all interacted, right up until that last line which made me go "ouch!".

I LOVED this line:

She was the kind of girl who sowed dread in the pit of Theo’s stomach, because she was the kind of girl who could replace him for good.

So beautiful and yet so sad.

Bravo.

tierfal February 4 2010, 04:42:43 UTC

Thank you! :) Conversations are in a lot of ways what I thrive on, and I'm delighted to hear you enjoyed the way it played out. :D

eltea February 3 2010, 06:16:31 UTC

Haha, I love the throughline of the Crazy Meter; it’s both hilarious and really good for characterization. :D I also love the really creative take you’ve done on the prompt. :O

Also, I love all three of them, and I think you should write a novel about them. ♥ Even Andrea; she could be a throwaway character just there to create conflict but I love that you haven’t done that, that you’ve given her a distinct personality and made her really likable. :) ♥

tierfal February 4 2010, 04:44:38 UTC

I LOVE YOU. :DDDDDD

lol and by "creative" you mean "this gives me brigits_flame flashbacks to when we would think of stuff and then try to fit the prompt to it," right?????

I think so too, tbh. And I sort of love the way Andrea came out. She originally had striped socks, which I liked even more, but they fell under the axe of merciless editing. Tragedy strikes again. XD