Merlin -- The Best Morning in Camelot's Long and Illustrious History
Title: The Best Morning in Camelot's Long and Illustrious History
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,494
Warnings: brief language, cracktastic!
Summary: "You're smiling, Arthur! Are you drunk or something?"
Author's Note: After a recent fic excursion, eltea and I were talking about how fun it is to write a character writing fanfic. ("It's like a nesting doll!! :DDD") Predictably, this piece of crack emerged. Fourth wall? You mean that thing that's full of holes?
The Best Morning in Camelot’s Long and Illustrious History
by NotAfflictedThnx
Arthur Pendragon knew that something was different the moment he woke up.
For a moment, he wasn’t sure what had happened-things just felt different. The sun was shining through his window, painting stripes of gold on the floor; birds were singing just outside; his bed was warm and soft and without contest the nicest one in the castle, as someone who had changed the sheets on all of them could tell you, not that Arthur usually appreciated that at all.
Today, though, he did appreciate it. He appreciated everything. In fact, he hopped out of bed without any groaning, whining, mumbling bad words into his pillow, or pitching breakable objects at people’s heads, and then he put his clothes on all by himself. It was like some kind of miracle!
Right then, Arthur’s wonderful servant, who was always punctual, positive, and extremely adorable, stepped in. His jaw dropped, but he kept a hold of the tray of breakfast food he’d brought for Arthur, because, as mentioned above, he was probably the best servant Camelot had ever employed, with the possible exception of Gwen, who was just superhuman.
“You’re smiling, Arthur!” the wonderful servant sagely observed. “Are you drunk or something?”
Arthur laughed heartily, his eyes twinkling. “No, my dear man-I’m just happy this morning!”
The wonderful servant paused. “I’ll get Gaius.”
“No need!” Arthur proclaimed, throwing one arm around the wonderful servant’s wonderful shoulders. “It’s merely that I’m having the most extraordinary morning of my life. There’s nothing to fear.”
“Please let me go,” the wonderful servant said. “I’m worried it’s contagious.”
“Of course it’s contagious!” Arthur replied, one-arm-hugging him warmly. “Love always is.”
The wonderful servant balanced the tray in one hand, slamming the other into his wonderful forehead. “Please don’t tell me you’re in love again. You know how much damage control I end up doing every time you fall in love? Take it from me, it’s a disaster.”
“This is the opposite of a disaster,” Arthur sighed contentedly, “which is a word I can’t think of right now, probably because I’m a stupid prat except for today. But fear not, my most beloved servant! I’m not in-love in-love; I’m in love with the world.”
The wonderful servant stared at him. The wonderful servant, Arthur noticed, had rather wonderful eyes, which were very wide, very blue, very intelligent, and very totally mortified.
“That’s it,” he said, shaking off Arthur’s arm and gracefully setting down the tray. “We’re going to Gaius. Come on, prat.”
When the wonderful servant made a deft and somewhat naturally-talented grab for Arthur’s arm, the prince leapt out of the way and preempted him by frolicking down the hall towards the physician.
“Isn’t it a beautiful day, my most exquisite of employees?”
The wonderful servant didn’t seem to be enjoying this stunning morning as much as Arthur was-presumably because of how much time he was spending staring at Arthur in horror and amazement-and that made Arthur sad. He wanted everybody to be able to love life and breathing and the sky and the harmonious birds outside his window (why had he ever used those lovely creatures for archery target practice?).
Arthur decided that, in the coming afternoon, he would arrange a solemn event: mandatory skipping through the field of flowers on the hill. Yes. Then everyone would see what a beautiful day it was, and his wonderful servant would stop looking sad and tired and beleaguered and like he was kind of used to starting the week out with things that he thought were disastrous.
This was anti-disastrous.
In fact, Gaius proved it.
Arthur had always loved that weird, eyebrow-y, wise old man.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing that I can find wrong with him,” Gaius declared.
“Then there’s no reason to be afraid!” Arthur noted. “I’ve never felt better!”
“Though I do see what you mean,” Gaius muttered to the wonderful servant, who raked his astonishingly nice, elegant hands through his hair.
“I guess the pressure’s got to him,” the wonderful servant mused. “He’s finally cracked.”
Arthur jumped up and planted his hands on his hips. “Nonsense,” he said. “On the contrary, you delightful boy, I’m finally all right! Haven’t you noticed what a glorious world we live in? I think I’m going to go out and stare at some clouds! Have you seen those clouds? They’re unbelievable! They come in so many different shapes…”
Arthur made it halfway to the door before his rather ninja-like wonderful servant grabbed the back of his belt and hauled him back to Gaius’s stool. This experience was not altogether unpleasant, because Arthur secretly had a huge crush on his wonderful servant, and he just wasn’t man enough to admit it.
“There’s certainly something strange going on,” Gaius said. “Did he have anything unusual for breakfast?”
“No,” the wonderful servant answered. “He didn’t even get to breakfast; he was too busy skipping up and down the halls and giving me hugs.”
Gaius looked terrified. “That is strange.”
“I think he has cooties.”
“I don’t believe that’s an acceptable medical diagnosis.”
“Well, how else can you explain him wanting to hug me?”
Speaking of wanting to hug his wonderful servant, Arthur did right now. He got up and flung both strong arms around his wonderful servant’s neck, patting his wonderful servant’s wonderful hair, which was very soft.
“You’re such a good servant,” he cooed. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“Nothing that I know of,” the wonderful servant shot back. “I think the question’s more a matter of the reverse. Arthur, let go-!”
“Not a chance in hell,” Arthur sighed happily.
“At least that was characteristic,” Gaius commented.
The wonderful servant shoved ineffectually at Arthur’s chest for a moment, and then he paused.
“Arthur,” he said slowly, “please stop hugging the life out of me and making it hard to breathe. If I pass out, you’ll have to sit around being freakishly pleased with everything on your own.”
Arthur had to admit he didn’t like the sound of that. He reluctantly released his wonderful servant’s wonderful body and patted one shoulder, which was kind of bony but rather cute.
“I’m sorry, my loyal, faithful friend,” Arthur told him, getting down on one knee and bowing his head. “Please accept my sincere apology.”
“Yeah,” the wonderful servant muttered, “sure. Got it. Stand up; you’re scaring me.”
Arthur jumped to his feet. He didn’t want to do that, either.
“Arthur,” Gaius said uncertainly, “when did this start?”
“I don’t know,” Arthur responded sunnily. “I just woke up this morning feeling like everything had changed.”
“I swear there wasn’t any weird incense in his room when I left last night,” the wonderful servant said to Gaius.
“I believe you,” Gaius murmured, his eyebrow wavering up and down over a range of about an inch. “I’m just not sure… perhaps if we induce unconsciousness, as if to restart his wits?”
“What?” Arthur said. He paused. Things were starting to look a little less bright and cheerful all of a sudden. “Do you mean-”
That was when his wonderful servant gave him a wonderful blow to the back of the head with a frying pan.
Arthur Pendragon was in agonizing pain the moment he woke up.
The sun was streaming through his window, searing his sensitive eyes; birds were cawing like they were trying to compete with toads; his bedsheets were kind of scratchy, and his back hurt.
Not as much as his head, though, which felt like somebody had bashed his helmet in and left the metal sticking into his skull.
He sat up, cringing, to discover that Gaius and his idiot servant were staring at him expectantly, which was never a good sign.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded. He directed his next query at the Afflicted One. “What did you do this time?”
Gaius sat back, looking relieved. “He’s fine.”
Arthur’s idiot servant sighed. “It’s almost too bad; I was starting to like him the other way.”
Arthur scowled. “What are you blathering on about?” he asked.
The idiot servant shook his head. “Never mind.”
And they all lived sort-of-happily ever after.
Dream_On says: Very cute! (: All of Arthur’s happy dialogue made me laugh -- talk about implausible! That man wouldn’t know loving the world if it hit him in the back of the head with a frying pan. Anyway, nice job!
I’mLikeFTD says: love this! your work is always so funny; it’s just a joy to read… wish i could think of something cleverer to say, but you know me… just great :D
Pendragon1 says: …whoever you are, please stop spreading slanderous lies about my son on the internet. Otherwise, I will find you and have you executed. Thank you.
Swingin_Wingin says: awsum work!! plz continue! i hope there’s a lemon soon!!!!
NotAPratYouBastard says: I’m going to fucking kill you, Merlin.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,494
Warnings: brief language, cracktastic!
Summary: "You're smiling, Arthur! Are you drunk or something?"
Author's Note: After a recent fic excursion, eltea and I were talking about how fun it is to write a character writing fanfic. ("It's like a nesting doll!! :DDD") Predictably, this piece of crack emerged. Fourth wall? You mean that thing that's full of holes?
The Best Morning in Camelot’s Long and Illustrious History
by NotAfflictedThnx
Arthur Pendragon knew that something was different the moment he woke up.
For a moment, he wasn’t sure what had happened-things just felt different. The sun was shining through his window, painting stripes of gold on the floor; birds were singing just outside; his bed was warm and soft and without contest the nicest one in the castle, as someone who had changed the sheets on all of them could tell you, not that Arthur usually appreciated that at all.
Today, though, he did appreciate it. He appreciated everything. In fact, he hopped out of bed without any groaning, whining, mumbling bad words into his pillow, or pitching breakable objects at people’s heads, and then he put his clothes on all by himself. It was like some kind of miracle!
Right then, Arthur’s wonderful servant, who was always punctual, positive, and extremely adorable, stepped in. His jaw dropped, but he kept a hold of the tray of breakfast food he’d brought for Arthur, because, as mentioned above, he was probably the best servant Camelot had ever employed, with the possible exception of Gwen, who was just superhuman.
“You’re smiling, Arthur!” the wonderful servant sagely observed. “Are you drunk or something?”
Arthur laughed heartily, his eyes twinkling. “No, my dear man-I’m just happy this morning!”
The wonderful servant paused. “I’ll get Gaius.”
“No need!” Arthur proclaimed, throwing one arm around the wonderful servant’s wonderful shoulders. “It’s merely that I’m having the most extraordinary morning of my life. There’s nothing to fear.”
“Please let me go,” the wonderful servant said. “I’m worried it’s contagious.”
“Of course it’s contagious!” Arthur replied, one-arm-hugging him warmly. “Love always is.”
The wonderful servant balanced the tray in one hand, slamming the other into his wonderful forehead. “Please don’t tell me you’re in love again. You know how much damage control I end up doing every time you fall in love? Take it from me, it’s a disaster.”
“This is the opposite of a disaster,” Arthur sighed contentedly, “which is a word I can’t think of right now, probably because I’m a stupid prat except for today. But fear not, my most beloved servant! I’m not in-love in-love; I’m in love with the world.”
The wonderful servant stared at him. The wonderful servant, Arthur noticed, had rather wonderful eyes, which were very wide, very blue, very intelligent, and very totally mortified.
“That’s it,” he said, shaking off Arthur’s arm and gracefully setting down the tray. “We’re going to Gaius. Come on, prat.”
When the wonderful servant made a deft and somewhat naturally-talented grab for Arthur’s arm, the prince leapt out of the way and preempted him by frolicking down the hall towards the physician.
“Isn’t it a beautiful day, my most exquisite of employees?”
The wonderful servant didn’t seem to be enjoying this stunning morning as much as Arthur was-presumably because of how much time he was spending staring at Arthur in horror and amazement-and that made Arthur sad. He wanted everybody to be able to love life and breathing and the sky and the harmonious birds outside his window (why had he ever used those lovely creatures for archery target practice?).
Arthur decided that, in the coming afternoon, he would arrange a solemn event: mandatory skipping through the field of flowers on the hill. Yes. Then everyone would see what a beautiful day it was, and his wonderful servant would stop looking sad and tired and beleaguered and like he was kind of used to starting the week out with things that he thought were disastrous.
This was anti-disastrous.
In fact, Gaius proved it.
Arthur had always loved that weird, eyebrow-y, wise old man.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing that I can find wrong with him,” Gaius declared.
“Then there’s no reason to be afraid!” Arthur noted. “I’ve never felt better!”
“Though I do see what you mean,” Gaius muttered to the wonderful servant, who raked his astonishingly nice, elegant hands through his hair.
“I guess the pressure’s got to him,” the wonderful servant mused. “He’s finally cracked.”
Arthur jumped up and planted his hands on his hips. “Nonsense,” he said. “On the contrary, you delightful boy, I’m finally all right! Haven’t you noticed what a glorious world we live in? I think I’m going to go out and stare at some clouds! Have you seen those clouds? They’re unbelievable! They come in so many different shapes…”
Arthur made it halfway to the door before his rather ninja-like wonderful servant grabbed the back of his belt and hauled him back to Gaius’s stool. This experience was not altogether unpleasant, because Arthur secretly had a huge crush on his wonderful servant, and he just wasn’t man enough to admit it.
“There’s certainly something strange going on,” Gaius said. “Did he have anything unusual for breakfast?”
“No,” the wonderful servant answered. “He didn’t even get to breakfast; he was too busy skipping up and down the halls and giving me hugs.”
Gaius looked terrified. “That is strange.”
“I think he has cooties.”
“I don’t believe that’s an acceptable medical diagnosis.”
“Well, how else can you explain him wanting to hug me?”
Speaking of wanting to hug his wonderful servant, Arthur did right now. He got up and flung both strong arms around his wonderful servant’s neck, patting his wonderful servant’s wonderful hair, which was very soft.
“You’re such a good servant,” he cooed. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“Nothing that I know of,” the wonderful servant shot back. “I think the question’s more a matter of the reverse. Arthur, let go-!”
“Not a chance in hell,” Arthur sighed happily.
“At least that was characteristic,” Gaius commented.
The wonderful servant shoved ineffectually at Arthur’s chest for a moment, and then he paused.
“Arthur,” he said slowly, “please stop hugging the life out of me and making it hard to breathe. If I pass out, you’ll have to sit around being freakishly pleased with everything on your own.”
Arthur had to admit he didn’t like the sound of that. He reluctantly released his wonderful servant’s wonderful body and patted one shoulder, which was kind of bony but rather cute.
“I’m sorry, my loyal, faithful friend,” Arthur told him, getting down on one knee and bowing his head. “Please accept my sincere apology.”
“Yeah,” the wonderful servant muttered, “sure. Got it. Stand up; you’re scaring me.”
Arthur jumped to his feet. He didn’t want to do that, either.
“Arthur,” Gaius said uncertainly, “when did this start?”
“I don’t know,” Arthur responded sunnily. “I just woke up this morning feeling like everything had changed.”
“I swear there wasn’t any weird incense in his room when I left last night,” the wonderful servant said to Gaius.
“I believe you,” Gaius murmured, his eyebrow wavering up and down over a range of about an inch. “I’m just not sure… perhaps if we induce unconsciousness, as if to restart his wits?”
“What?” Arthur said. He paused. Things were starting to look a little less bright and cheerful all of a sudden. “Do you mean-”
That was when his wonderful servant gave him a wonderful blow to the back of the head with a frying pan.
Arthur Pendragon was in agonizing pain the moment he woke up.
The sun was streaming through his window, searing his sensitive eyes; birds were cawing like they were trying to compete with toads; his bedsheets were kind of scratchy, and his back hurt.
Not as much as his head, though, which felt like somebody had bashed his helmet in and left the metal sticking into his skull.
He sat up, cringing, to discover that Gaius and his idiot servant were staring at him expectantly, which was never a good sign.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded. He directed his next query at the Afflicted One. “What did you do this time?”
Gaius sat back, looking relieved. “He’s fine.”
Arthur’s idiot servant sighed. “It’s almost too bad; I was starting to like him the other way.”
Arthur scowled. “What are you blathering on about?” he asked.
The idiot servant shook his head. “Never mind.”
And they all lived sort-of-happily ever after.
Dream_On says: Very cute! (: All of Arthur’s happy dialogue made me laugh -- talk about implausible! That man wouldn’t know loving the world if it hit him in the back of the head with a frying pan. Anyway, nice job!
I’mLikeFTD says: love this! your work is always so funny; it’s just a joy to read… wish i could think of something cleverer to say, but you know me… just great :D
Pendragon1 says: …whoever you are, please stop spreading slanderous lies about my son on the internet. Otherwise, I will find you and have you executed. Thank you.
Swingin_Wingin says: awsum work!! plz continue! i hope there’s a lemon soon!!!!
NotAPratYouBastard says: I’m going to fucking kill you, Merlin.