Comments | tierfallen: Brigit's Flame -- "Morning Glory"

tierfal in tierfallen

Brigit's Flame -- "Morning Glory"

May 16, 2009 01:07

Prompt: "Morning Glory"
Word Count: 884
Warnings: a whole rainbow of colorful language! :D ...and other assorted sketchiness
Author's Note: Hahahahaha. XD eltea, I love you. Let's reenact this sometime; I'll be Shawn.

( When Shawn opened his eyes, it was very, very bright, and something smelled overpoweringly of extremely cheap liquor. )

[genre] humor, [rating] pg-13, [genre] romance, [year] 2009, [original] brigit's flame, [length] 1k

Comments 12

chococoffeekiss May 16 2009, 16:42:04 UTC

Tee hee hee!

I LOVE it.

Ganked by prison guards--OMG, laughing so hard right now...

tierfal May 16 2009, 22:58:39 UTC

Haha, glad to hear it! 8D

That was my favorite part. XD

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tierfal May 16 2009, 23:00:36 UTC

Hahaaa. XD

No, that's perfectly reasonable. :P He's one of my stock Hapless Guys, and she was like... at first, I was like, "Who are you?!", but I ended up liking her a lot. XD

THIS WILL BE MY FATE AS WELL. XD

Also, your icon is the sex. 8D

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tierfal May 17 2009, 01:41:00 UTC

I am grinning gleefully too, so NO WORRIES. 8D

*sends your fingers happy thoughts*

*which sounds... odd... to say the least...*

/oh, but I SO DID, because it made me happy! ♥

Thread 6

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tierfal May 16 2009, 23:04:11 UTC

That is impressive indeed. XD

The way I tend to find names for characters is by going to the Social Security Index and picking ones that fit okay... >_>

I'm nineteen and look... fifteen at best. XD

Morning glories are very pretty. ^_^ And I'm always too lazy to make the title anything other than the brigits_flame prompt, so that's that. :P

mistvieh May 17 2009, 18:01:22 UTC

I was about to copy and paste my favorite lines for you, but I'd end up taking out most of the story. Very nicely done! I giggled audibly a few times, and ended up explaining to the other people in the room that something very amusing was happening on my computer screen. I may even tell them to read it when when I'm done. XD lol

tierfal May 18 2009, 03:39:56 UTC

Thank you!! :D I'm glad you enjoyed it; I had a lot of fun! ^^

Edits! lacrimaeveneris May 19 2009, 23:07:28 UTC

Hi! I'm one of your editors.

Overall, it's a fun story- though I might be biased, as I am a person who is 22 and looks twelve. So I identify with Paige a little, no pun intended.

Anyway, on to the edits! I only really have two. As always, these are suggestions, and you aren't obliged to follow any of them!

1. You have a tendency to use more adjectives than you need. I think one of the ones I noticed was "raising a leaden hand to lay over his assaulted eyes". While it's clear what you mean, the two very strong adjectives come across a little bit awkwardly.

2. I'm not sure if it was supposed to (given the tone of your story, I think it was), but this sentence made me laugh. It's WONDERFUL, and gives you an instant sense of Shawn's character! "He was going to get convicted and go to prison and piss off a Mafia don and be everybody’s scapegoat and get ganked by overzealous guards and DIE..

I really enjoyed this story. Your style is engaging and witty, and it sounds like it was entertaining to write. Good luck this week!

Re: Edits! tierfal May 21 2009, 04:36:58 UTC

It's a curse! XD My mother tells me I'll be flattered when I get carded at thirty. XD

I'm definitely going to take a look at the adjective thing -- and thanks for giving me an example; that really helps. :D

Haha, yes, that was intended to be funny! ^^

Thank you! :D It was a lot of fun. XD