Brigit's Flame -- "Reap"
Prompt: "reap"
Word Count: 2,648
Warnings: language, vague blasphemy, fantasy violence, a bit of gore
Author's Note: The people asked for a more personalized mythos for Vincent the Snarky French Vampire (his stage name), and this time I was struck with the inspiration to deliver. Some of this I made up when originally conceiving of the character a ( Read more... )
Word Count: 2,648
Warnings: language, vague blasphemy, fantasy violence, a bit of gore
Author's Note: The people asked for a more personalized mythos for Vincent the Snarky French Vampire (his stage name), and this time I was struck with the inspiration to deliver. Some of this I made up when originally conceiving of the character a ( Read more... )
Belatedly, shame-facedly, like a schoolboy come home much too late, I appear at your doorstep, pen in hand.
IT IS TIME FOR THE DAVID EDIT. Dani got most of the goodies; I shall endeavor to pick up what she has left for me to glean.
I will say the scary thing and say that I AM A PROFESSIONAL EDITOR except not really because it's for a little trivia company, and I'm not even finished with undergrad. But if you take Dani's edit with a grain of salt, take mine with a saltshaker. Of salt.
(I wanted to make myself abundantly clear.)
I really like the notion that it's tax season for everyone; not only do vampires pay their taxes, but the forces of heaven send out flame-sworded Angels of God to audit people. I just find that adorable. I don't know, maybe I'm being conceited, but I could imagine the Adventures of Maion, Tax Collector of the Righteous, meshing up quite neatly with that Alfie-the-Demon-Accountant series I wrote a month or so ago, as if they take place in the same metaphysical-places-are-bureaucracies universe.
I think this is just you having a whole lot of fun. I also really dug your dialogue, but, and this is a peeve of mine, I tend not to use any attributive verbs, and you use a crap-ton of them. He observed, he noted, he mused, he remarked. I see those and I don't see what they're saying, although that may just be a function of my peevishness. Could it be, however, that you use these verbs too much? If you feel, upon self-review, that you do, I just recommend 'said' or 'asked' for most situations. Your dialogue is so sparkling and fancy-good that doctoring your sentences with thirty-cent dialogue verbs distracts me.
That's all I've really got to say, I think. Also, use fewer adverbs. That is all.
I believe I have made it really really clear that this makes me happy. So. Well-played.
-D
Reply
I... really don't have a problem with late edits. I truly don't. I mean, the piece is the same whenever somebody gets to it... but yeah, if I was any more laid-back, I'd be dead. Or failing out of school. Or both.
Better the saltshaker than the pepper spray, yes? :D
I need to go find Alfie. He sounds utterly charming. XD
I think this is just you having a whole lot of fun. - It's true what they say, that the truth has a way of coming out. XD
I have a weirdly compulsive thing about refusing to repeat speaky verbs
(technical term)... which I should smother, because you're absolutely right. I've sort of been noticing that lately, and thank you for nudging me about it. XD
YOU AND YOUR ADVERBS. No. They're my filler; it's true. XD
Thanks again! :D
Reply
Leave a comment