Brigit's Flame -- "Digging"

[tierfal]

Prompt: "digging"
Word Count: 588
Warnings: some language
Author's Note: Meet Nick and Theo, the protagonists of my Script Frenzy. :D I was stuck with the prompt and figured I'd let them play around, since I need to be thinking about them anyway. :) Thanks to eltea for beta work, as always! ^^

Comments

[desert_rose]

Hi there,
I'm one of your editors this week.

This was a fun read! I can hear Nick and Theo going back and forth with the humorous insults and jokes! Very well done bringing this scene to life- I think it would work really well as a scene in a play! Good luck with it! I'm looking forward to reading more!

My edits:

1. El Dorado, actually,” Nick corrected, hefting a dusty Pat Benatar album.
Try replacing hefting with a word like lifting, as hefting suggests the album weighed a lot or was awkward to move.

2. Guess what I just found,” he prompted. As it seems that Nick is asking Theo to guess what he found, replace the comma with a question mark. If a questioning tone isn't being used here, please just ignore this.

3. Theo considered, averted his head for a violent sneeze, and considered some more. “Why would anyone put Pat Benatar in the attic?” he wanted to know. To avoid using considered twice in the one sentence, try replacing it with thought about this, and see if that works.

Your use of grammar and punctuation in this piece is excellent! It was easy to follow who was speaking, without inserting either Nick or Theo's names after each quote.

I hope there will be more from these two! You have created too very entertaining characters, who I would love to find out more about.

[tierfal]

They're the two main characters of my ongoing movie script, so they definitely seem to take the format with them! The dialogue with those two just doesn't leave me alone -- I'm glad you liked it! :)

Excellent suggestions all around. Thank you! :)