(no subject)
i got home at 6am today, thought i'd find my bf online so i could talk to him..but he's too cool and probably out on a saturday night.. so i'm just sitting idly in front of my mac listening to a great soundtrack: garden state. hopefully he'll come online before i get tired and go to sleep.. i really need to un-nocturnify myself.. gawd that was not english. i'm really tired and i was really brunk (half way in between buzzed and drunk) tonight.. i dont think its completely worn off.. tonight was a good night. i like being brunk. i really know my limits, its frikken crazy. i guess that's what practice does huh? but still.. i dont like how i'm not coherent when i write when i'm brunk.. i sound like an idiot. but then again, what's the fun of being brunk if you can't be an idiot. so i went to 42nd street tonight.. i can say that's probably one of my fave clubs in manchester.. but my heart will always be with m2 (represent!).. well indie's not my "going out scene" as many ppl know, but damn ppl in indie clubs are effin cool.. esp when they're drunk happy and friendly. so i had a good night, i always have good nights at 42nd.. yay for good times and good friends. we watched oceans 11 after we came back (like at 4am).. STUPID. why we did? NO idea but they wouldnt let me leave.. i tried three times and they kept me.. thats how much they love me. now's its such an absurd hour i have no reason why i'm still up and online, wasting time and typing out in my stupid lj.. i guess its cus i was hoping james would come online.. but then again, he'd probably wonder why i'm up so late (early) and make me go to sleep. this nocturnal thing is getting a little out of hand..i think... i can't sleep before 3, and even if i try to sleep early, i can't sleep before 3.. i usually dont get home till 4 or i dont go to bed till 4.. and when i go to bed at 6.. that really doesnt help my situation... cus then i wake up at 2 in the afternoon the next day and don't sleep until 5 in the morning.. and the cycle just goes on and on and on.. GAH!! any suggestions? cus my body had no idea wats goin on.. i should be more responsible than this.. i lead quite a happy-healthy-content lifestyle-- i eat well, i excercise well, i study well, i socialise WELL, but i don't sleep well.. such a disappointment, esp when i put so much effort into living with good habits. POOP. such hypocrisy. i'm happy. but i'm sad. i'm happy and sad. it kinda sucks cus it tears you apart, and it creates a day full of extreme highs and extreme lows. i like to be happy. i'm usually happy. but i'm sad.. i wish sometimes, i had the power to see me outside of my body and be able to see things from an outside perspective and get a clearer understanding of my actions, my interactions, and my relationships. that would be a good super power to have. i think i'd be a much better person if i had that power. maybe i can train myself to look at things that way.. i probably could with a lot of effort and practice.. so maybe it's a tangible super power. then i'd be a pretty cool person cus i'd probably make a lot more wiser and rational decisions in my life. hmm.. i think i'm starting to think too much now.. i mean lately.. i'm not a dweller, i'm more of an emotion-action person.. i think, i reflect, i evaluate, and i act in the best way i can. i don't like to dwell on unanswerable questions or situations like some people i've known in life.. but i think i'm starting to, and i don't know if i like it.. it makes you much more of a realist and skeptical of the world..which is not me, i'm a 'glass-full' kinda gal. blah.. maybe i should be writing this in my paper journal.. but then again, i wouldn't be able to get my thoughts down as fast.. damn the computer. i swear i'm gona get carpel tunnel syndrom or watever the hell its called.. anyways. enough rambling, i hope no one read all of this.. but if you did, i leave you with a new word i've coined..
BRUNK.
good freaking night.
BRUNK.
good freaking night.