fannish writing things
So, Steve is...not cockblocking, exactly, but he's kind of emotionally screwed up (hah, like that's news) now that Bucky's been deprogrammed but isn't actually connecting with him.
Luckily I had revelation on the train this morning, and talked myself through it on the walk to the client.
Maria's motivations are easy; I'm very comfortable with her mindset. (Interestingly, I think the other character I'm most comfortable in the head of is actually Clint, probably because I think there's a lot of similarities there.) She wants and needs purpose in her life - to be doing, to be moving the pieces even if she can't go out into the field, and acceptance and respect for that is a large part of who she is. Give her that, and she's pretty much yours (hence her professional loyalty to Nick, and to Steve, and to the Avengers). Personally...I think she's put the matter of personal relationships away, accepting that she'll never find people who can accept her as she is and who would want her that way at the same time. She's an anchor - she can give a kind of stability - but she's not able to put down roots.
Steve's choices aren't difficult: there's a lot of canon out there, and plenty of fanon. But his motivations are more complicated, because they change from movie to movie. To be someone, to not stand back on the sidelines, to be a hero (First Avenger) to get back a part of the past he lost in those 70 years (Winter Soldier), to realise that he can't (Age of Ultron), but to still be reaching for that (Civil War). But most of the fanon I've seen surrounding Steve seems to be either trying to find him that 'normal' (with Darcy or Sharon) or else providing 'the past' for him in the form of Bucky or Peggy, and disconnecting the scenes from his psyche in AoU as 'horror flashbacks' instead of it being reflections of who he is: made for war, a soldier who can never really 'go home' but who still needs something to anchor him - a different kind of 'home'.
(I guess I see Steve much like Harry Potter: except I wouldn't give him the 'happily ever after normal' story that JKR did for Harry. I'd have connected him with someone else 'different' and made them 'a different kind of normal'. Which, come to think of it, pretty much describes all my OTPs - in my hands, they're none of them going to do happy families, or the 'expected path'. There will be commitment and love and laughter and living, but it'll be more Mr & Mrs. Smith at the end of the movie rather than at the start.)
Natasha's probably the most difficult for me in this story: in spite of her frequent canonical and fanonical use, I think there's a question of exactly what does she want, and does she ever get it? Or does she move through life as the catalyst, but never the solution? Professionally, she's exactly where she wants and needs to be. Personally? It's a lot more complicated for her - nothing half as simple as choices and love for Natasha - love is for children, for the innocent; easier to think in matters of debt and choices made. And people who know who she is, what she can do, and yet trust her is paramount - witness her friendship with Clint who knows her history - what about the orphanage? asks Loki, aiming for what is a weakness even if she's playing a part - and yet still trusts her with his wife and children, names his son after her.
Bucky is more or less the same question as Natasha on the personal front - people who know who he is and what he's capable of, but who can trust him without erasing what he's done (which Steve tries to do - it wasn't you he says, while Bucky's response remains, but I still did it). And then there's the added complication of "what do I do now? Who is Bucky Barnes in this world that only knows him as a monster?" Plus, he's trying to work out how to deal with Steve: they've been lovers, they've been friends, they've been enemies, and now what? He's not the man Steve knew, and Steve's changed in those intervening years as well. So they have to work that out, and meanwhile he's renegotiating his attraction to Natasha and finding a refuge in Maria's practical acceptance of what he's done and who he is, as well as what she expects of him going forward...
I guess I did a lot of talking to myself on the way in from the station.
--
Wondering if I (or someone else) should run a Captain Hill fic exchange for Christmas. Or possibly for V-Day, which would require organising now, since Christmas is an absolute nightmare.
Also: 12 days of Ficmas. I always want to do this, but haven't yet managed it.
And NaNo. Mostly, I plan to write 1K a day for the month. Although work also wants me to study for a certification exam in my area, and I'd be looking at taking that exam towards the end of the month...
Yes, life is pretty busy right now.
Luckily I had revelation on the train this morning, and talked myself through it on the walk to the client.
Maria's motivations are easy; I'm very comfortable with her mindset. (Interestingly, I think the other character I'm most comfortable in the head of is actually Clint, probably because I think there's a lot of similarities there.) She wants and needs purpose in her life - to be doing, to be moving the pieces even if she can't go out into the field, and acceptance and respect for that is a large part of who she is. Give her that, and she's pretty much yours (hence her professional loyalty to Nick, and to Steve, and to the Avengers). Personally...I think she's put the matter of personal relationships away, accepting that she'll never find people who can accept her as she is and who would want her that way at the same time. She's an anchor - she can give a kind of stability - but she's not able to put down roots.
Steve's choices aren't difficult: there's a lot of canon out there, and plenty of fanon. But his motivations are more complicated, because they change from movie to movie. To be someone, to not stand back on the sidelines, to be a hero (First Avenger) to get back a part of the past he lost in those 70 years (Winter Soldier), to realise that he can't (Age of Ultron), but to still be reaching for that (Civil War). But most of the fanon I've seen surrounding Steve seems to be either trying to find him that 'normal' (with Darcy or Sharon) or else providing 'the past' for him in the form of Bucky or Peggy, and disconnecting the scenes from his psyche in AoU as 'horror flashbacks' instead of it being reflections of who he is: made for war, a soldier who can never really 'go home' but who still needs something to anchor him - a different kind of 'home'.
(I guess I see Steve much like Harry Potter: except I wouldn't give him the 'happily ever after normal' story that JKR did for Harry. I'd have connected him with someone else 'different' and made them 'a different kind of normal'. Which, come to think of it, pretty much describes all my OTPs - in my hands, they're none of them going to do happy families, or the 'expected path'. There will be commitment and love and laughter and living, but it'll be more Mr & Mrs. Smith at the end of the movie rather than at the start.)
Natasha's probably the most difficult for me in this story: in spite of her frequent canonical and fanonical use, I think there's a question of exactly what does she want, and does she ever get it? Or does she move through life as the catalyst, but never the solution? Professionally, she's exactly where she wants and needs to be. Personally? It's a lot more complicated for her - nothing half as simple as choices and love for Natasha - love is for children, for the innocent; easier to think in matters of debt and choices made. And people who know who she is, what she can do, and yet trust her is paramount - witness her friendship with Clint who knows her history - what about the orphanage? asks Loki, aiming for what is a weakness even if she's playing a part - and yet still trusts her with his wife and children, names his son after her.
Bucky is more or less the same question as Natasha on the personal front - people who know who he is and what he's capable of, but who can trust him without erasing what he's done (which Steve tries to do - it wasn't you he says, while Bucky's response remains, but I still did it). And then there's the added complication of "what do I do now? Who is Bucky Barnes in this world that only knows him as a monster?" Plus, he's trying to work out how to deal with Steve: they've been lovers, they've been friends, they've been enemies, and now what? He's not the man Steve knew, and Steve's changed in those intervening years as well. So they have to work that out, and meanwhile he's renegotiating his attraction to Natasha and finding a refuge in Maria's practical acceptance of what he's done and who he is, as well as what she expects of him going forward...
I guess I did a lot of talking to myself on the way in from the station.
--
Wondering if I (or someone else) should run a Captain Hill fic exchange for Christmas. Or possibly for V-Day, which would require organising now, since Christmas is an absolute nightmare.
Also: 12 days of Ficmas. I always want to do this, but haven't yet managed it.
And NaNo. Mostly, I plan to write 1K a day for the month. Although work also wants me to study for a certification exam in my area, and I'd be looking at taking that exam towards the end of the month...
Yes, life is pretty busy right now.