Let the Irony sink in!

Oct 24, 2005 19:03

So on my wonderful walk I thought hard today. amazing how 1 year ago, I was having the best time of my life. I was enjoying the most wonderful experience ever. I finally had the 1 thing I wanted the most, love.. yeah.. love. Words can't explain how great it was my friends. and I will not be honest as I can be about this still. You can recall most feelings after the event took place. Happy, Sad, Anxious, Uncomfortable. You can recall all those very clear. The feeling of being in love and feeling loved back is way above a general "feeling" or "Emotion". It's possibly what i would call nirvana. and I can't recall how the feeling felt now that I try to look back. Every time i Do vaguely remember it i can't help but get teary eyed. It was beautiful. It was the most beautiful thing i've been apart of.

anyway.. amazing how 1 year ago it was so perfect and i was content. and just 1 year later, chaos. at times i feel like i can really relate with justin when he says he feels like at times he has temporary insanity. I feel like my emotions/feelings/thoughts are on a fault line and a huge earthquake just hit and everything is rampaging wildly.
another thing that leaves me completly vulnerable is i never count on a relationship ending. if i get into one, i'm staying for a while. Isn't that the point? breaks are a new thing i realized may be actually good. sometimes you just get so sick of the bullshit that you need to be away and clear your head. sticking around all the bullshit just makes you create more arguing. blah etc etc. trust me, have a long break if you're having problems and it restores everything you lost. all the will you had to make things work is back and full. it will all just be happy again on its own.

last thing i really thought about today was how really independent of a person I am. I can be dependant, but I need love. It's me. it gives me motivation and excitement and extreme extreme extreme Happiness.. and i only hope it did the same for everyone else i ever 'dated'. It just adds that little spark to my life that sets everything off and makes everything more vivid and ... so great.

ahh what a fucking faggot i am.
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