(no subject)

[tidyscars]

When I walked into the room seven hours after leaving town I looked straight over to the bed she was in, and then I looked at my mother, and then I looked at the floor. Half an hour too late. I can never forgive myself. Only through the daylight hours I can tell myself it never happened, as the lady on the bed was not the lady in my heart. It was a very polite funeral. The same with the burial. No leaping in to hold the coffin, no screams or even tears. The entire thing is so surreal. The walk back through the carpark, the trip along the highway. The filthy creek in Uralla where we went to hunt platypus. It's very strange to experience a relative dying a non-violent death.

My dear sweet friend died in the hour of mercy and it doesn't make me feel any better.

I have't slept properly since last tuesday night and I'm not making a lot of sense. I will go.