(no subject)
havent updated in a while...deff need to change this picture, i have a hard time looking at my journal and seeing this massive picture of my face. time to not always look so cheerfull. not that im a depressed hag now or anything just no need to be all happy go luck all the time.
many things are on my mind so maybe this is a nice release here, we'll see. and sorry if its all in english...some people are gettin intense on this internet thing and puttin shit up in other languages and leaves us all out ..pah...mines in good old babble so. yea. i love you all i just dont understand it , heh, which i ugess is sometimes the point eh? ok .
so school is very stressful and i feel like ican never get everything accomplished that i have to so its either work harder than i realize is possible or just suck it up and just know that icant do it. i feel like im not allowed to utter my own words of rambling about my life in fear that someone will go tell and get me kicked out of this place. which is not far from happening. so what if i dontw ant to sing the rest of my life...so what if i dont want to be in rehearsals for the rest of my life beginning to hate one of the only things i love? i dont know. dont pay any attention to the confused soprano over here. i mean cmon shit happens i can change my mind...its aw aste but its not. its a waste of money. its not a waste of what im learning. i dont want ot be here.
i miss everyone terribly and i cant wait until bullshit is more relaxing and we can have summer already. except for the lovely fact that i will probably be taking german courses soemwhere. bah ? can anyone say BAH.
and who knows where the hell im living nextyear... im so afraid to live with the girls bc i will hate them. and that odesnt help. but i might have to. not HAVE to, but ya know, it'll end up that way. maybe? idk.
im complaining a lot i apologize for anyone expecting poetry or creative witty comments . go to the next person. im tired. im exhausted. i cant keep up with shit, wiht my life. it goes so easily one minute and then its in the shits the next wiht stress. im so confused about so many things baout myslef...me...lost ya know? i thought i knew who i was these past couple years but i guess thats what college does to you...it makes you find out who you ACTUALLY are not just who you pretended to be in hs maybe...its a very confusing ride.
i love my classes that arent music. no, that sounded bad. i love my music classes...some. solfege imparticuarly lol..i know, music geek. but. i love my other classes...the ones that i have to take anyway, im finding all these opinions of mine and all of this stuff ive never known bfore..its soemthign abotu college classes, that just arent as dumb as hs. no offense to anyone. but i guess this is common sense but who knows. i just feel so happy when i come out of some of em bc i feel more independant wiht my mind. make sense? its the little things people, cmon work wiht me.
so this weekend will be full of work. cant wait.
yellow bra winking on my lamp what? ..if your still reading heh
im afraid of the future. as im sure everyone else is. but i really am. as who i am. i know i will have help , always, but still. id like to think i can handle shit on my own sometimes.
i miss all of you guys, even if we dont talk much, who evers reading this, i think about everyone randomly everyday, honestly.
many things are on my mind so maybe this is a nice release here, we'll see. and sorry if its all in english...some people are gettin intense on this internet thing and puttin shit up in other languages and leaves us all out ..pah...mines in good old babble so. yea. i love you all i just dont understand it , heh, which i ugess is sometimes the point eh? ok .
so school is very stressful and i feel like ican never get everything accomplished that i have to so its either work harder than i realize is possible or just suck it up and just know that icant do it. i feel like im not allowed to utter my own words of rambling about my life in fear that someone will go tell and get me kicked out of this place. which is not far from happening. so what if i dontw ant to sing the rest of my life...so what if i dont want to be in rehearsals for the rest of my life beginning to hate one of the only things i love? i dont know. dont pay any attention to the confused soprano over here. i mean cmon shit happens i can change my mind...its aw aste but its not. its a waste of money. its not a waste of what im learning. i dont want ot be here.
i miss everyone terribly and i cant wait until bullshit is more relaxing and we can have summer already. except for the lovely fact that i will probably be taking german courses soemwhere. bah ? can anyone say BAH.
and who knows where the hell im living nextyear... im so afraid to live with the girls bc i will hate them. and that odesnt help. but i might have to. not HAVE to, but ya know, it'll end up that way. maybe? idk.
im complaining a lot i apologize for anyone expecting poetry or creative witty comments . go to the next person. im tired. im exhausted. i cant keep up with shit, wiht my life. it goes so easily one minute and then its in the shits the next wiht stress. im so confused about so many things baout myslef...me...lost ya know? i thought i knew who i was these past couple years but i guess thats what college does to you...it makes you find out who you ACTUALLY are not just who you pretended to be in hs maybe...its a very confusing ride.
i love my classes that arent music. no, that sounded bad. i love my music classes...some. solfege imparticuarly lol..i know, music geek. but. i love my other classes...the ones that i have to take anyway, im finding all these opinions of mine and all of this stuff ive never known bfore..its soemthign abotu college classes, that just arent as dumb as hs. no offense to anyone. but i guess this is common sense but who knows. i just feel so happy when i come out of some of em bc i feel more independant wiht my mind. make sense? its the little things people, cmon work wiht me.
so this weekend will be full of work. cant wait.
yellow bra winking on my lamp what? ..if your still reading heh
im afraid of the future. as im sure everyone else is. but i really am. as who i am. i know i will have help , always, but still. id like to think i can handle shit on my own sometimes.
i miss all of you guys, even if we dont talk much, who evers reading this, i think about everyone randomly everyday, honestly.