(no subject)
It's funny. Everyone puts up such a good front in school or around people. Everyone around me is as fucking miserable as I am and even if they have what they've been looking for it's not like that is entirely fufilling. But the games people play don't keep it interesting it makes it painful and sucky and I wish all my friends didn't play the games they play. Because that's all it is, games to keep ourselves entertained for a night or so.
It's rough to think that a group as close as mine was during the summer could crumble but that's what it did, maybe we weren't as strong as i thought all along. We are the Great Wall of China a great concept but did it keep the Huns out... NO OF COURSE NOT! I mean I thought we were inpenentrable, we could take anything the world threw at us but even as the slightest impact and the wall that I thought we made crumbles and now I'm getting lost in the ruins. I just wish I could go back, back to when everything was seemingly okay and at least we could all hold a decent conversation without secretly wanting the others dead. I love my friends and miss the well everything...
I miss the wharf jumping where everything was sacred
I miss Ted's house with all the diet coke and the night with the pepperonis and bread
I miss summer comfort
I miss trying to think of things to do and just ending up at Derek's
I miss the third/fourth of July
I miss the protection my friends made around me after everything
I miss going to the movies at least once a week
I miss the drunken phone calls (even though they still happen, it's not the same)
I miss getting together as a group of 6-10 people
I miss bad rap music and journal writing and pokemon
I miss THE GROUP CONSENSUSES
I miss coming home from work to go on errands with Alec and the guys
I miss dropping people off at home at night
I miss swimming in the ocean
I miss falling asleep in random places after being tired from work
I miss Paula staying at my house every other weekend and my mom's attempts at me not driving her
I miss the Kelly's and visiting Hannah at Harvard
I miss long walks where we could talk and look at the stars
I miss just saying I'll see you tomorrow and knowing that was completely true
I miss INDIGO PROPHECY and Melee
I miss discussing the shittiness of Blindness and how much everyone liked High Fidelity
this list could go on forever. I miss my group and the comfort I used to feel because recently I just don't feel safe anymore.
It's rough to think that a group as close as mine was during the summer could crumble but that's what it did, maybe we weren't as strong as i thought all along. We are the Great Wall of China a great concept but did it keep the Huns out... NO OF COURSE NOT! I mean I thought we were inpenentrable, we could take anything the world threw at us but even as the slightest impact and the wall that I thought we made crumbles and now I'm getting lost in the ruins. I just wish I could go back, back to when everything was seemingly okay and at least we could all hold a decent conversation without secretly wanting the others dead. I love my friends and miss the well everything...
I miss the wharf jumping where everything was sacred
I miss Ted's house with all the diet coke and the night with the pepperonis and bread
I miss summer comfort
I miss trying to think of things to do and just ending up at Derek's
I miss the third/fourth of July
I miss the protection my friends made around me after everything
I miss going to the movies at least once a week
I miss the drunken phone calls (even though they still happen, it's not the same)
I miss getting together as a group of 6-10 people
I miss bad rap music and journal writing and pokemon
I miss THE GROUP CONSENSUSES
I miss coming home from work to go on errands with Alec and the guys
I miss dropping people off at home at night
I miss swimming in the ocean
I miss falling asleep in random places after being tired from work
I miss Paula staying at my house every other weekend and my mom's attempts at me not driving her
I miss the Kelly's and visiting Hannah at Harvard
I miss long walks where we could talk and look at the stars
I miss just saying I'll see you tomorrow and knowing that was completely true
I miss INDIGO PROPHECY and Melee
I miss discussing the shittiness of Blindness and how much everyone liked High Fidelity
this list could go on forever. I miss my group and the comfort I used to feel because recently I just don't feel safe anymore.