RIP ODB
Dropping like flies and sometimes I want to be next. Nah. But you know.
it snowed the other day. pretty awesome. and now the parts of the campus that are in the sun are all melted and warm, and the parts in the shade are still all wintery. it looks kind of bizarre.
I miss Texas some today. For some reason I kind of miss all of the things I hate about it. The drama, even. There's no drama here which is pretty fantastic, no gossip. Nobody fucks with anybody, since everybody is pretty alright. But I dunno. I miss a bunch of kids that are hard to get into contact with. I had a weird dream last night where I just came clean with everybody and it was just completely honest and I think Austin is without honesty a great deal of the time. Nobody is willing to tell anyone else exactly what they mean to them, and when they do it just seems like they want something. The truth is, I don't want anything from anybody, I just miss sitting and talking and laughing with you guys. It's a different kind of friend feeling up here, partially because we've all only known each other a short while. And I am really enjoying it. I feel happy here, and I hadn't been happy all summer, and there was always something holding me back before that and I don't know what it was, because I should have been happy. I know that it wasn't anybody's fault, and I think I could have been a much better friend than I was to a lot of people. You all deserve it, even if you don't know it, and even if everyone still treats each other like shit.
clarity, I guess. Perspective. Far from enlightenment, but you know, I think some kids deserve a lot better than they got. And I'm sorry.
At least I'm vague as hell, but this is livejournal afterall, and that totally clean honesty can only be accomplished in dreams, because maybe no one would react as well in real life.
I always used to say I don't have any regrets, but it was probably because I just didn't want any. I always said that I was determined to learn from anything fucked up, and not regret my actions or actions taken toward or against me, but fuck it. I regret things I've said and things I've done, because I think I could have been a better person than I was.
anyway. I love you and I'm sorry and I don't know why specifically, but there it is.
lovemily
it snowed the other day. pretty awesome. and now the parts of the campus that are in the sun are all melted and warm, and the parts in the shade are still all wintery. it looks kind of bizarre.
I miss Texas some today. For some reason I kind of miss all of the things I hate about it. The drama, even. There's no drama here which is pretty fantastic, no gossip. Nobody fucks with anybody, since everybody is pretty alright. But I dunno. I miss a bunch of kids that are hard to get into contact with. I had a weird dream last night where I just came clean with everybody and it was just completely honest and I think Austin is without honesty a great deal of the time. Nobody is willing to tell anyone else exactly what they mean to them, and when they do it just seems like they want something. The truth is, I don't want anything from anybody, I just miss sitting and talking and laughing with you guys. It's a different kind of friend feeling up here, partially because we've all only known each other a short while. And I am really enjoying it. I feel happy here, and I hadn't been happy all summer, and there was always something holding me back before that and I don't know what it was, because I should have been happy. I know that it wasn't anybody's fault, and I think I could have been a much better friend than I was to a lot of people. You all deserve it, even if you don't know it, and even if everyone still treats each other like shit.
clarity, I guess. Perspective. Far from enlightenment, but you know, I think some kids deserve a lot better than they got. And I'm sorry.
At least I'm vague as hell, but this is livejournal afterall, and that totally clean honesty can only be accomplished in dreams, because maybe no one would react as well in real life.
I always used to say I don't have any regrets, but it was probably because I just didn't want any. I always said that I was determined to learn from anything fucked up, and not regret my actions or actions taken toward or against me, but fuck it. I regret things I've said and things I've done, because I think I could have been a better person than I was.
anyway. I love you and I'm sorry and I don't know why specifically, but there it is.
lovemily