(no subject)
so "the other" woman is coming in one day
when she is here i don't call him
i don't show up
i try not to do much
except sit at home
tell myself i'm beautiful
& make him too many mixtapes
he came over last night to spend "a little bit, okay?" of time with me
when he showed up i was seeing ghosts all over the house
and fresh out of the shower damp & hot (ideal living conditions for: cockroach, mold and me)
scrubbed with ginger, sugar beet and lemon
opened the door he was bundled i was so much skin and he fell into my chest
that greasy hair (he has never washed any of the hairs on his head)
moisture in my chest, i love that feeling
i quietly walked him to the ghost spots and said
"we are coming!"
and explained my theory
NO okay NO my period did not come with the moon or after the moon or now
it has yet to come at all and i feel like a blocked showerhead or a stopped tub and i have so many things i will shout with joy with the pain cause i am ready for it to just come out
and i said "HIGHTENED INTUITION" and he said "PSEUDO SCIENCE" but really was supportive and laughed and said that i make the ghosts real
he was so much quieter than usual as we walked to the drop to do other people's laundry because we promised them we would
he held my hand in the basement
he held my side as i approached the stairs
he held me as we walked down the street
i asked the matter
he feels so down & so affectionate
i mind the first but i don't mind the second
so as we made it back to my house
we did usual lie between my legs and chat position
and i asked him to stay and he said "yes okay"
i touched his veiny arms
i squeezed them to say "oh goodness"
and instead said "those veins are bumpy"
so he rolled up my sleeves and we sat together in silence comparing arms
leah: "isn't it weird our veins are very the same and they take all the blood to our hands that are made to work the same"
ryan: "there is order to the universe, thats what people mean when they say god"
oh.
and we walked to bed
he fell asleep as i held him and read
kitties were safe on the end
one candle on to help him to sleep
he kissed me like he wanted to and we said a million goodnights
i watched him sleeping this morning when i woke up at 7 i jumped towards him like a hopper and then retreated off to work
happy his bike was still parked on the porch
and fucking dreading this weekend
when she is here i don't call him
i don't show up
i try not to do much
except sit at home
tell myself i'm beautiful
& make him too many mixtapes
he came over last night to spend "a little bit, okay?" of time with me
when he showed up i was seeing ghosts all over the house
and fresh out of the shower damp & hot (ideal living conditions for: cockroach, mold and me)
scrubbed with ginger, sugar beet and lemon
opened the door he was bundled i was so much skin and he fell into my chest
that greasy hair (he has never washed any of the hairs on his head)
moisture in my chest, i love that feeling
i quietly walked him to the ghost spots and said
"we are coming!"
and explained my theory
NO okay NO my period did not come with the moon or after the moon or now
it has yet to come at all and i feel like a blocked showerhead or a stopped tub and i have so many things i will shout with joy with the pain cause i am ready for it to just come out
and i said "HIGHTENED INTUITION" and he said "PSEUDO SCIENCE" but really was supportive and laughed and said that i make the ghosts real
he was so much quieter than usual as we walked to the drop to do other people's laundry because we promised them we would
he held my hand in the basement
he held my side as i approached the stairs
he held me as we walked down the street
i asked the matter
he feels so down & so affectionate
i mind the first but i don't mind the second
so as we made it back to my house
we did usual lie between my legs and chat position
and i asked him to stay and he said "yes okay"
i touched his veiny arms
i squeezed them to say "oh goodness"
and instead said "those veins are bumpy"
so he rolled up my sleeves and we sat together in silence comparing arms
leah: "isn't it weird our veins are very the same and they take all the blood to our hands that are made to work the same"
ryan: "there is order to the universe, thats what people mean when they say god"
oh.
and we walked to bed
he fell asleep as i held him and read
kitties were safe on the end
one candle on to help him to sleep
he kissed me like he wanted to and we said a million goodnights
i watched him sleeping this morning when i woke up at 7 i jumped towards him like a hopper and then retreated off to work
happy his bike was still parked on the porch
and fucking dreading this weekend