i guess i'll see you, see you around
i have alot on my mind, and alot to just say.
i'll start with the show yesterday. it was off to a rocky start at first, with me being completely nuerotic about people being on time, and just over all me stressing about nothing. i was just worried about making it there on time, and getting dave on time. and it just felt like no one else cared except for brittany, because everyone was late, and when i said "lets go, come on go" no one moved, they just stood around like what? i wanted to be like hello, the shows not coming to my house so get the hell out. ughh, i don't know. i was just a little frustrated.
so, we got there, and we didn't get lost, we weren't late, and we got our tickets fine. i stood in line at the ridiculously long line for merch, only to get two t-shirts that are a little too big, but thats okay, because i absolutely adore them.
hellogoodbye was amazing. they were so much fun. they had a water gun fight with us, which was unfair, because who thinks to bring water guns to shows? haha, :D. and they were so happy, forrest, i think? would laugh while he was singing, but it wouldn't mess up the song at all. they played some new stuff which is coming out on their full length, which i can't wait for. i think my new favorite song is ode to love. 1. he uses a banjo, and 2. it's just a pretty song that i swayed back and forth to with this pretty amazing guy.
during the armor for sleep set, i heard dream to make believe, and thats all i honestly wanted to hear, and i spent the rest of it downstairs in the back bar with my mom. because were awesome. and i always feel bad when i don't visit her, because after all, she did bring us, and shes sitting down there all alone. im sure it's nice to know that someone cares enough to come sit and talk with you.
the all american rejects took the longest time in the world to set up, i mean seriously, it was like 30 minutes. no lie. it was okay though, it was a nice break, and conversation time in between. but they did a really good job. their new stuff sounds like it's going to be awesome, and they were really energetic with their old stuff. the singer kept going on these random tangents, and changing the nicest, most innocent lyrics, into like, stupid ones, by adding the word "fuck" like every five minutes, and it kind of got to me by the end. but, i love them anyways.
on the way home, when you drive with kelley, you can not avoid getting lost. we found our way out almost perfectly this time though. sikeee, we missed a turn and got lost on florida, and then got pulled over for excessive speeds, haha. there were four kids in the back of the car, without seatbelts, which luckily they weren't seen nor heard, becaue im sure that wouldn't have went over real well. my mom had no idea why she got pulled over, so when she found out she was speeding she was like "oh, haha, i thought you were pulling me over because i was about to make an illegal turn" and it was just hilarious. we went to mc'donalds, and my mom got pissed because they were trying to make us pay for honey packets, when we already had $33 worth of food. shes writing mc'donalds a letter. haha, i love her.
anyways, everyone got home, safe and sound, and more than likely went straight to bed, at least i know i did.
and, emily, i hope you like your shirt!
and beth, nina, nick, and alex i tried my best with guessing which song you would like, i hope you liked your call, and i wasn't calling to late or anything. <3
so, the other day, me and beth had this big talk about growing up, and my minds been lingering on the subject ever since. and everytime i think about it i get frustrated and confused and resentful. because, i don't think i want to grow up right now. and it's not like i can just be like "hey, life, can you put yourself on hold for about a year or two, im not ready to grow up." and it's like, how do they want me to know what i want to do with myself in the nith grade. and how can i what i do in the ninth grade effect me for the rest of my life. it's mind boggling to me. getting into college seems like, the hardest thing right now, considering i honestly know nothing about it. i want to be a pediatrician, but its hard to imagine myself in school for an extra 8 years of my life, when i can't even make it to school now. i know, i know, you practically make your schedule in college. but, still. i dont know, it just, errhherhjeghjdsgfsgjkfg, it's so frustrating.
and like, the only reason i've been thinking about it so much is the fact that, everyones growing up. reguardless if i want them to or not. everyones getting ready to start driving, and everyones getting jobs, and everyones moving higher and higher in high school. and last year in 8th grade, this all felt so far away, and i wanted it so bad, and now, it's right in front of my face, and i can't stand it.
it just seemed like everything went by so fast.
just when i thought i was getting myself together, it feels like it's slowly falling back apart. but im not going to let that happen. because i hate the way it feels. like, when i get upset or hurt or whatever, i get this burning feeling in my face and in my chest and i hate it. i hate it so much. and even though it only lasts a couple of seconds it's one of the worst feelings ever. does anyone else get that, or am i like, crazy?
whatever.
i think im going to go to soccer after all. kick around a soccer ball, let out some of this useless stress with a couple of my best friends. plus, i've been doing really well with keeping up in running, and not just quitting, so i wanted to see if that was like, a one time thing or not, and if it's not, i think im going to start running a couple days a week. i used to think when people said exercising makes you feel good, that they were lying, just to get us to do something in gym. but it actually does make you feel better.
oh, and
to whom it may concern,
you hurt me today. and i didn't want to let you know it, but i think you already did. you made me extremely insignificant. i thought with the way our schedules have been working lately, you would take any chance you could to see me, because i know i would do the same for you. but apparently, you don't feel the same. and that hurt me, alot. i mean, not to brag, but i think i've been really understanding of this whole situation, and i've been dealing with it really well, and for you to sit there and just shoot whatever tolerance i had left down, really really made me want to cry, and i kind of did. i mean, it makes me feel like your saying "well, whenever i can pencil you in, i'll try". and i know if i said something like that to you, it would crush you, but apparently you don't know that about me, which you should, or maybe you just don't care but honestly i know thats not what it is. and i know you hate it when i do this, instead of just saying it to you directly, but sometimes, the only reason i do this, is in fear that you aren't listening to me. if you read it for youself, maybe you'll actually grasp it. and im sorry, for having to write this, but, i just needed to get it out. i'll try my best to talk about it with you tonight, but im not making any promises. but i can promise, that i love you.
jenna.
im going to go get ready for soccer now. maybe.
one last thing, next weekend, me and brittany decided to throw a kind of surprize mothers day party for big-k. i would do it this weekend, but everyone should be busy with thier moms, and sunday my moms doing some fishing thing with tim anyways. so, if you want to come, or maybe help out with like decorating, or baked goods just let us know. reason were doing this is because we think she deserves it. i mean, after all she does put up with our crap, and let everyone stay here, and takes us to shows, and tries to be friends with all of us. so, you should definitely come, at least for like an hour, and there will be food and friends, and what else have you got to do anyways. but if you are coming, please let me know, for food purposes and juk like that, you know the deal. 410 439 4946 443 994 0647 or britts house is 410 360 5982. so yeah.