Bleah!

[tickles_420]

so i was right when i said that me telling jim would of been a bad thing. Heather she's right i cant keep my mouth shut. But for some reason i though that he would say yes. i dont think she understands that i just want her to be happy and its clear that she's not geting that with me. i dont know any thing. theres a lot more things that a guy can do

Comments

i wrote too much...this goes with the last comment.

[snshn021]

i dont kno. mabie im just retarted. i just wish we didnt clash so much!! lately it seems that most things i like u dont. and what u do like, i dont want any part of. truthfully tho...i dont kno how u ever got me on ruby thunder! i was scared! *shrugs* but i like it now. i still dont think u'll ever get me on a plane tho! i dont not understand u. and i kno by now i may sound like a broken record, but...try...new...things. i dont think u dont trust me all the time. just wish that u would just tell me things. but u sit there and think about it forever. then u decide that i dont need to know it or i dont care to kno it. or sometimes u think ill think ur retarted or something like that. and none of thats true. im not broken. im just not saying anymore bc i dont c y i should. not to say that u dont deserve to kno some things or that i dont trust u to kno them, but y should i tell u all the shit u want me to if u cant pay the same respect. a lot of things ive told u are things that i didnt tell anyone til u. and u even mocked me for some of it. yea that hurt! i told u things that meant a lot to me or that caused me a lot of pain. but then i turn it over to u to talk and u sit around and cry now bc u "cant" tell me things. and truthfully, as much as i wish u would tell me things, i think u dont want to. i truly felt like someone the other nite when we were talking about sarah. not bc i saw it hurt u to think about it, but bc it made me feel like u trusted me enuf to tell me. keeping things quiet wont make them go away. and it wont make things or ppl come back. just bc u dont talk about it, doesnt mean the "r" word will go away or change that it happened. not to say that u should tell the whole world...that could destroy u. but be more open. u refuse to adknowledge timmy now bc he said it, but u do have to realize that he comes from a whole different background than u. just as u thot it was normal that ben just tried to take what he wanted from me, he doesnt kno it happened. u cant hold things like that against ppl. although i do agree thats it's not a joke, u cant hate someone for saying it. it's all around u. it'll happen wether u keep quiet about it or not. and it'll tear u up more if u dont let it go. even if it means talking to ur dog...i actually used to do that. then he died. u have no clue how alone i was!! then i found friends, but not too great ones. then i started hangin out at tina's the summer after 9th grade. i like the horse bc she was like me. alone. i dunno. mabie its stupid for me to like an animal bc of that. but it worked. she used to make me feel good bc she was like me. but now i just like her bc she loves me. and i her. she's not like a lot of ppl i kno. she doesnt care how shitty i look after i roll outta bed. or what shoes i wear out there. she just wants me to spend time with her. and i gess i like spending time with her. i dont really like riding all that much. but i like taking her out in the back to the field so i can spend time with her w/o the kid or the dogs. i dunno...im not preaching to ya at all...honest!! i just wish u knew where i was comin from. i dont go over there as much as i should now. bc of kfc. and as much as u think horses r stupid...i love mine!! i dont have a dog. nothing that i can bring in the house. my horse cant sleep with me. i have birds bc they make noise and make my house a little less empty. i dont truly like guinea pigs. but theyre warm and furry and they make noise, so my room's no so quiet. they just make time a little less lonely til i get to see my horse again. i really do wish sometimes that i didnt like her so much. but having her is like having another best friend. grrrr...i am retarted!! none of that makes sense. or mabie it does. mabie it just makes so much sense that it sounds stupid? i dunno. i just want u to understand y i like it at tina's so much. and y i want u to at least try to like my horse. nothing says u have to spend all ur time with her as i do. in fact nothing says u have to spend any time with her if u really think it's stupid. ...i dont kno anything anyways. mabie ill give it all up and devote my time to my job. it's prolly better for me than sassy anyways. "retard your anger, that is retarted, i am retarted!"