Pretty Feet
Well hello, self realization! It's about time you came out and explained yourself. Thank God I'm house sitting...Nobody else but me and an old dog. I haven't even turned on the TV while here...I've been sitting in a comfy chair, blinds open, fans on, reading old journals I brought. I've come to realize and remember (or not remember) a lot of things. When I Got caught sneaking out when I was 14, I blamed the guy. None of it was my fault. Seriously, Jen. When ex-boyfriend of my friends would call I'd be all "hey they called me don't be a bitch about it"....really, Jen? I've also realized that I wasn't just a teenage girl...I really did draw the short stick. My mom loved me and tried to protect me but she smothered me. In turn, I kinda went wild when I moved out (kinda...but not really). I had a good head on my shoulders (except when I had this thing with Luke and I ditched him for his best friend Ty. DOE!!!)
But somehow my head became turned around. Somehow I started to really believe the negative voices because I heard them from other people. Gradually my self esteem was dyeing, and it led to a very bad place. For 5 years I've ignored what happened and treated it like a one night stand...something to just forget about. Then I wake up 30 pounds heavier, having panic attacks, not caring AT ALL about my appearance (no plucking eyebrows, no make up, no showering for 3 days at a time, wearing t shirts and sweat pants every chance I could...even in public) and wonder...what the fuck just happened? How did I get here?
I've lost 10 pounds so far, I've been wearing make up and cute tops to work, and hey I no longer look like a neanderthal because I picked up a pair of tweezers and something called a razor.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm living in a house with one person in it instead of 8, or if I'm actually getting better, but I feel better. I feel like myself. For now, anyway.
Jennifer ' s brain signing out.
But somehow my head became turned around. Somehow I started to really believe the negative voices because I heard them from other people. Gradually my self esteem was dyeing, and it led to a very bad place. For 5 years I've ignored what happened and treated it like a one night stand...something to just forget about. Then I wake up 30 pounds heavier, having panic attacks, not caring AT ALL about my appearance (no plucking eyebrows, no make up, no showering for 3 days at a time, wearing t shirts and sweat pants every chance I could...even in public) and wonder...what the fuck just happened? How did I get here?
I've lost 10 pounds so far, I've been wearing make up and cute tops to work, and hey I no longer look like a neanderthal because I picked up a pair of tweezers and something called a razor.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm living in a house with one person in it instead of 8, or if I'm actually getting better, but I feel better. I feel like myself. For now, anyway.
Jennifer ' s brain signing out.