i know it's probably hard for you to grasp this concept lauren, but i'm not the bad guy here. yes, i have problems. you want to know why? you want to know what the psychiatrist found out caused these problems? when i was a little girl i was locked in the basement at preschool for crying... for hours. for two years straight. so yeah. now i'm all fucked up. and you know what kills me? that i have a magnet on my forehead for assholes and psychopaths. i would never ever ever consider doing something so evil as what you and nicole did to me. you both ruined every chance i ever had of even having a friendship with jon again. that i slept with 30 guys? that i have stds and he should get tested????? who are you kidding?! just because i had problems doesnt mean i'm mean. if anyone has problems it's nicole because she's not only depressed like i am, she's fucking evil. she will go out of her way to hurt people as long as she gets pleasure out of it. and you joined right up with her. i know this because i know whats going on with stine and i know what you and nicole said to jon. and i'm soooo hurt. but i'm over it. it's not worth crying over spilled milk when the milk was sour anyway. don't take that the wrong way... but i just find it ironic that after everything i've been through with my "friends", you included, they could just turn on me like that. i'm not a mean person. i was/am having some problems. now i'm working on getting better but getting better doesn't mean i want to go back and be friends with the people that hurt me. i'm just disappointed because i thought you were a way better person than that. maybe you didn't do it intentionally but that's not what i heard. and i should've learned after nicole dicked me over 3 times. but i didn't expect it from you and i can't make that same mistake twice. i can't because my mental and emotional health is really weak right now. i forgive you though. i'm not the kind of person to hold grudges. and i hope you forgive me for what i said to jon [even though i was just telling him what i really thought and you proved it by sleeping over with stine]. i'm not a mean person and i never meant for you to be hurt. but what you guys did to me was horrible. in the worst possible time in my life.. you guys chose to hurt me in the worst possible way. so i don't know. there's so much i could say but i don't have enough energy to say it and it really just makes me cry thinking about it. but i'm moving on. i have good friends. people who i pushed away when i was with jon, but who have been there all along. people who wouldn't do this to me. and i'm meeting new people and going out almost every night and sometimes i feel really good. the other night at 4 am i actually called jon and thanked him for saving my life... because it was the first time in a long time i really felt ALIVE. but then i have times like these where i feel horrible. and it is taking a long time to get better. both you and jon are the only two [besides nelson] who came to me and said "i'm sorry, i just want you to know i'm still here." jon said that. you didn't say sorry but i think you were trying to. i don't know. i do appreciate that though. but since you're friends with THEM... danielle, nicole, and whoever else took part in my second emotional break down.. then i don't think any sort of friendship would ever work. so thank you for talking to me, and reaching out, i'm really grateful.. but i hope you know what you guys did to me. and i hope you understand where i'm coming from. have a nice life.
i'm sorry but i never did anything to hurt you. in the past few months you & i have barely talked & i don't feel as though either of us did anything to the other. we fight too much & we just don't really work out as friends. we both know that. you've known me for 5 yrs now. you know how i am. you know who i am. i haven't changed. you know i've always been there for you. i treasured our friendship & we had some of the best times together. times i'll never forget. times that i close my eyes & wish we could go back to. i know you're a good friend. i know you would have done anything for me. & i know you're a good person. so, i hope things get better in your life. i hope you find happiness. goodluck.
what i find ironic and what i will never ever understand is that after all the shit you've watched nicole to do me... after you making the remark: "if you are ever her friend again i don't know what i'll do" and after you've seen me have a massive mental break down - a lot of which she was the reason for - you are now like her best friend. i don't get it. you've always been two faced but that's an all time low.
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