(no subject)
what is this? i am feeling so confused and lost at the moment. i think things are going better, that we've worked everything out. i talked with a lot of my sisters yesterday and earlier today, about how opposites can really attract for some strange reason. and that being in a relationsihp can bring out the best in people. and it put me in a much better mood. because nick really is a great guy. there's so much that i like about him. and even though we are different, there's just something about him that really draws me in. we have things we enjoy doing together. a lot of things actually. and i love spending time with him. i love being with him. i love laying here in his bed with his arms around me. i love waking up in the morning snuggled next to him.
and yet i question how he feels?
he was so excited today when he realized how jealous i was. we went out to lunch with rachel on saturday. after she and ashley stayed the night here at 'sc with me. the whole time they were talking. i just felt really left out. it was almost like they fit a lot better than we do. and then, today, i asked him if he had met both of us at the same time, who would he have gone for over the other. and he said her over me. and then we were talking about doing a trip up to the snow. but he said that we should go with my friends. or maybe one of his. so that it isn't just the two of us. because i'm a skier and he's a snowboarder. and he said that there was no way that the two of us could ever go on a trip up to the snow together. never. and then i asked if he would go with just rachel, and he said maybe, almost without thinking.
and then he said he didn't know what he wanted. like about us. to hear his uncertainty. because earlier today i was so certain it could work. but now i know that he doesn't know if it will or not. he doesn't know if he wants to know to make it work. if it can even work.
i'm just confused and lost right now. it's like we have this cycle. he'll be a jackass. i'll get pissed. he'll be nice again. so i'm no longer pissed. and then he acts like a jackass again.
am i just staying with him because i like the comfort of a relationship? i don't really think that that's the case. i don't know. i love him. i like being with him. he's a great guy when he wants to be.
but i don't know. he keeps giving me a hard time about doing well in school. saying that no one gets a's their first semester in college. and that's what i want to get. and that's what i think i can get.
i just want to know if he really wants to be with me. if more than anything, he wants to be with me. i just want to know....
and yet i question how he feels?
he was so excited today when he realized how jealous i was. we went out to lunch with rachel on saturday. after she and ashley stayed the night here at 'sc with me. the whole time they were talking. i just felt really left out. it was almost like they fit a lot better than we do. and then, today, i asked him if he had met both of us at the same time, who would he have gone for over the other. and he said her over me. and then we were talking about doing a trip up to the snow. but he said that we should go with my friends. or maybe one of his. so that it isn't just the two of us. because i'm a skier and he's a snowboarder. and he said that there was no way that the two of us could ever go on a trip up to the snow together. never. and then i asked if he would go with just rachel, and he said maybe, almost without thinking.
and then he said he didn't know what he wanted. like about us. to hear his uncertainty. because earlier today i was so certain it could work. but now i know that he doesn't know if it will or not. he doesn't know if he wants to know to make it work. if it can even work.
i'm just confused and lost right now. it's like we have this cycle. he'll be a jackass. i'll get pissed. he'll be nice again. so i'm no longer pissed. and then he acts like a jackass again.
am i just staying with him because i like the comfort of a relationship? i don't really think that that's the case. i don't know. i love him. i like being with him. he's a great guy when he wants to be.
but i don't know. he keeps giving me a hard time about doing well in school. saying that no one gets a's their first semester in college. and that's what i want to get. and that's what i think i can get.
i just want to know if he really wants to be with me. if more than anything, he wants to be with me. i just want to know....