I decided to stop swearing.
Gosh darn it, I know it's dumb :c
But I'm crazy for change.
I need my hair cut. Now. I've had this hair cut for more than three months, it needs to go, it's old.
My eyes have been blue for far too long, I need contacts now, blue is old.
This is also why I constantly change my name. I'm pretty cozy in "Kenjii" but I'm sure I'll be sick of it sooner or later.
So after swearing to beat a sailor for four years now, I decided to take a little U turn.
Fudge. Sugar. Biscuits.
Why are mock swear words named after foods?
So far, since unveiling my plan of language clean up, I've dropped the F-bomb roughly twenty times. It's my favorite word. Dane Cook summarizes its appeal well with the FFFFUUU and the UUUUGH and the KKKKUUUUUH! It rolls off my tongue, in a spitty, kicky, scratchy-bitey sort of way.
The female B word is also a pastime for me. I do love to say "Son of a beached whale" when I'm around teachers I'm comfortable with or being silly with my good friends, but what it is you call a female dog has all the appeal of the F-bomb but with the added punch of a pronoun: "That b(uuuuh) ain't got sh(aaah) on me, she needs to back her sh(ananananaaaa) up out of my face."
Yeah, I do talk like that some times.
The male B word, don't even get me started on that sh(amwow!)
And you can probably tell the S word is my hot key. When threatened, I used it obsessively. Where it doesn't even fit. "Sh--, that sh--head motherf---er don't know sh--, sh-- d--- a--wipe g--d--- motherf---er."
Slang words for penis are pretty common for me, too, because it's just so d-uuuh darn fun to scream "D---S! G--D--- CO--SUCKER!"
Honestly, I don't scream swear words. I'm respectful, I know they're just to be used around people you know don't care and you can't get cocky (harhar) with them. Some people get offended. There's just something fun about it though. Empowering, maybe?
Swearing was like a rite of passage for me. I wasn't allowed to say 'crap' until I was 13 and the first time I said it in front of my mother felt like an extremely extreme! sugar rush. My face got all hot, my speech got slurred, fudge, it was awesome! Of course, I'm not counting crap as a swear word. Saying crap is a swear word is like being passionate that a tomato is a fruit. And is also pronounce toe-MAH-toe.
However, my friends don't think I can do it. I've got a sort of fame for being a potty mouth, as well as being good at coming up with insults on the spot. When I told Carlos, my best friend in the whole world, and also the one that I corrupted and taught to swear in the first place, he just looked at me like I had something in my teeth and said, "Why?"
Mikayla responded with her predictable, "UMMM. UMMM. UMMM. WHAT?" We have our own dialect together, after all.
Alexandria gave me her, "Seriously?" look and went back to shuffling papers.
I am worried about my comeback abilities, though. What happens if someone just really ticks me the heck off and I'm left with an arsenal of confectioneries and sweets? I mean, "Fudge you, sugarhead!" doesn't exactly hold firepower.
But I'm crazy for change.
I need my hair cut. Now. I've had this hair cut for more than three months, it needs to go, it's old.
My eyes have been blue for far too long, I need contacts now, blue is old.
This is also why I constantly change my name. I'm pretty cozy in "Kenjii" but I'm sure I'll be sick of it sooner or later.
So after swearing to beat a sailor for four years now, I decided to take a little U turn.
Fudge. Sugar. Biscuits.
Why are mock swear words named after foods?
So far, since unveiling my plan of language clean up, I've dropped the F-bomb roughly twenty times. It's my favorite word. Dane Cook summarizes its appeal well with the FFFFUUU and the UUUUGH and the KKKKUUUUUH! It rolls off my tongue, in a spitty, kicky, scratchy-bitey sort of way.
The female B word is also a pastime for me. I do love to say "Son of a beached whale" when I'm around teachers I'm comfortable with or being silly with my good friends, but what it is you call a female dog has all the appeal of the F-bomb but with the added punch of a pronoun: "That b(uuuuh) ain't got sh(aaah) on me, she needs to back her sh(ananananaaaa) up out of my face."
Yeah, I do talk like that some times.
The male B word, don't even get me started on that sh(amwow!)
And you can probably tell the S word is my hot key. When threatened, I used it obsessively. Where it doesn't even fit. "Sh--, that sh--head motherf---er don't know sh--, sh-- d--- a--wipe g--d--- motherf---er."
Slang words for penis are pretty common for me, too, because it's just so d-uuuh darn fun to scream "D---S! G--D--- CO--SUCKER!"
Honestly, I don't scream swear words. I'm respectful, I know they're just to be used around people you know don't care and you can't get cocky (harhar) with them. Some people get offended. There's just something fun about it though. Empowering, maybe?
Swearing was like a rite of passage for me. I wasn't allowed to say 'crap' until I was 13 and the first time I said it in front of my mother felt like an extremely extreme! sugar rush. My face got all hot, my speech got slurred, fudge, it was awesome! Of course, I'm not counting crap as a swear word. Saying crap is a swear word is like being passionate that a tomato is a fruit. And is also pronounce toe-MAH-toe.
However, my friends don't think I can do it. I've got a sort of fame for being a potty mouth, as well as being good at coming up with insults on the spot. When I told Carlos, my best friend in the whole world, and also the one that I corrupted and taught to swear in the first place, he just looked at me like I had something in my teeth and said, "Why?"
Mikayla responded with her predictable, "UMMM. UMMM. UMMM. WHAT?" We have our own dialect together, after all.
Alexandria gave me her, "Seriously?" look and went back to shuffling papers.
I am worried about my comeback abilities, though. What happens if someone just really ticks me the heck off and I'm left with an arsenal of confectioneries and sweets? I mean, "Fudge you, sugarhead!" doesn't exactly hold firepower.