Movie Review Update. *EDIT*
So just tonight I watched two movies which probably wasted a certain amount of life that I'll never get back, but the point of this being that it'll save someone else's time, or also waste it if that is what they so want.
The first movie is the notoriously awful 'Teeth.' Yeah, about that girl with the teeth in her babymaker. Her brother isn't her real brother, he tried to molest her but got bit blah blah blah. Anyhow the whole movie she preaches about abstinence to children and eventually ends up getting half raped in a cave. Needless to say, her whatnots bite off his whatnots and he swims off, and the piece of whatnot is left there. She later revisits the cave in search of said rapist, to find that a lowly crab (dubbed 'penis crab') has taken over the piece of whatnot, she screams and leaves. The whole movie pretty much continues down this road, a few more things get chopped off and she eventually starts giving up on abstinence. Her brother tries killing her dad with his rottweiler and eventually somehow the girl and her 'not' brother end up doing it, she chops of his whatnots and his dog eats it.
Then she hitch hikes out of town, and this old man is perving out on her and she just smiles at the camera, and we can assume from here theres just a trail of chopped off male whatnots.
Needless to say it was an awful movie but would be good if i was on some kind of intoxication trip. :/
I forgot to mention that the brother in this movie is played by Matt McNamara from Nip/Tuck. It got me through the movie.
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The second movie was 'Zombie Strippers!' and the title pretty much speaks for itself. Theres a bunch of underground strippers, one gets infected and then they become 'super strippers' which makes perfect sense? Who knows, anyway, they just begin this whole gross decay cycle, there is the typical goth one and she's all super hardcore cause she's a zombie now, and then theres like every other stereotype too. They eat people and those people are zombies and somehow theres a fight between two of the zombie strippers and one shoots ping pong balls, then billiard balls out her hoohaa, because she's a zombie.
This movie makes absolutely no sense, has every cliche ever, including a mexican guy and a donkey, an asian stereotype and huge ugly fake boobs. If you're intoxicated or just really sleep deprived and have some friends, this movie is good for laughing at just about everything. That is about it. This review is not really an accurate depiction, but you can check out both of these movies online for free.
But please, just don't. Hahahaha.
The end.
The first movie is the notoriously awful 'Teeth.' Yeah, about that girl with the teeth in her babymaker. Her brother isn't her real brother, he tried to molest her but got bit blah blah blah. Anyhow the whole movie she preaches about abstinence to children and eventually ends up getting half raped in a cave. Needless to say, her whatnots bite off his whatnots and he swims off, and the piece of whatnot is left there. She later revisits the cave in search of said rapist, to find that a lowly crab (dubbed 'penis crab') has taken over the piece of whatnot, she screams and leaves. The whole movie pretty much continues down this road, a few more things get chopped off and she eventually starts giving up on abstinence. Her brother tries killing her dad with his rottweiler and eventually somehow the girl and her 'not' brother end up doing it, she chops of his whatnots and his dog eats it.
Then she hitch hikes out of town, and this old man is perving out on her and she just smiles at the camera, and we can assume from here theres just a trail of chopped off male whatnots.
Needless to say it was an awful movie but would be good if i was on some kind of intoxication trip. :/
I forgot to mention that the brother in this movie is played by Matt McNamara from Nip/Tuck. It got me through the movie.
****************************
The second movie was 'Zombie Strippers!' and the title pretty much speaks for itself. Theres a bunch of underground strippers, one gets infected and then they become 'super strippers' which makes perfect sense? Who knows, anyway, they just begin this whole gross decay cycle, there is the typical goth one and she's all super hardcore cause she's a zombie now, and then theres like every other stereotype too. They eat people and those people are zombies and somehow theres a fight between two of the zombie strippers and one shoots ping pong balls, then billiard balls out her hoohaa, because she's a zombie.
This movie makes absolutely no sense, has every cliche ever, including a mexican guy and a donkey, an asian stereotype and huge ugly fake boobs. If you're intoxicated or just really sleep deprived and have some friends, this movie is good for laughing at just about everything. That is about it. This review is not really an accurate depiction, but you can check out both of these movies online for free.
But please, just don't. Hahahaha.
The end.