Relationships
I received this email recently. It made me think. A lot of us know what it takes to make a relationship successful, but just in case you don't realize or forgot, read the following below.
I'm a firm believer of the following:
>"FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER"
>
>Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A. a
>relationship coach who lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating
>the prospects of long-term marital success.
>
>When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,
>no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close
>to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their
>approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!
>
>If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting
>married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1
>mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should
>never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically
>correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for
>getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.
>When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let
>me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
>alone". You need a lot more!!!
>
>Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious
>about finding and keeping a life partner.
>QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
>Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're
>married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with
>someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time?
>Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper
>and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things
>can happen in a marriage. (1) You can grow together, or (2) you
>can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To
>make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
>Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
>QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts
>with this person?
>This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
>Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
>The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I
>won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and
>feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone
>with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
>Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel
>emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
>QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
>A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can
>you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal
>growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving
>themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone
>who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask
>about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is
>this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not
>someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
>essentially two types of people in the world:
>(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
>(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose
>goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead
>of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking
>down the aisle.
>QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
>The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is
>the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give
>another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving
>pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-
>absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they
>treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters,
>bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and
>siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't
>have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can
>you do nearly as much for them? Do they gossip and speak badly
>about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves
>others! You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,
>will eventually treat you poorly as well.
>QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this
>person after we're married?
>Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the
>intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a
>colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to
>change after marriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept
>this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry
>them.
>
>In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
>The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less
>with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you
>are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to
>the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you
>wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself
>in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
>
>@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>
>Another perspective...
>
>There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
>distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of
>or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,
>incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the
>relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and
>which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
>Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
>downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel
>worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,
>know, or appreciate you?
>
>The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
>truth around you ...the easier it will become for you to decide who
>gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony
>of your life.
>
>An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
>open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved
>and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation,
>immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem
>make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't
>fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
>faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to
>someone, over time, his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves,
>and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate
>and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn
>how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
>
>You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional
>needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two
>unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life
>together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
>each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you
>compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
>compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do
>you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
>You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
>someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
>spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making
>someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
>pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to
>be in a relationship.
>
>WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
>
>1. TRUST
>2. HONEST COMMUNICATION
>3. NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY
>4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
>5. SHARING OF TASKS
>6. SOME GETAWAY TIME , WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
>7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
>etc.)
>8. SHARING COMMON GOALS ,THOUGHTS AND INTERESTS
>9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECUR E
>
>10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND RE-ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
>
>If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
>resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain
>will replace the passion.
>
>There it goes . . .
>
>Success is nothing without someone meaningful to share it with....
With that said....go get some ass.....
I'm a firm believer of the following:
>"FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER"
>
>Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A. a
>relationship coach who lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating
>the prospects of long-term marital success.
>
>When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner,
>no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close
>to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their
>approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!
>
>If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting
>married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1
>mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should
>never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically
>correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for
>getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.
>When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let
>me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
>alone". You need a lot more!!!
>
>Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious
>about finding and keeping a life partner.
>QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
>Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're
>married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with
>someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time?
>Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper
>and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things
>can happen in a marriage. (1) You can grow together, or (2) you
>can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To
>make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
>Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
>QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts
>with this person?
>This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
>Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
>The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I
>won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and
>feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone
>with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
>Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel
>emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
>QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
>A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can
>you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal
>growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving
>themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone
>who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So ask
>about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is
>this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not
>someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are
>essentially two types of people in the world:
>(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
>(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose
>goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead
>of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking
>down the aisle.
>QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
>The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is
>the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give
>another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving
>pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-
>absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they
>treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters,
>bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and
>siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't
>have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can
>you do nearly as much for them? Do they gossip and speak badly
>about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves
>others! You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly,
>will eventually treat you poorly as well.
>QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this
>person after we're married?
>Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the
>intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a
>colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to
>change after marriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept
>this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry
>them.
>
>In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
>The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less
>with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you
>are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to
>the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you
>wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself
>in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
>
>@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>
>Another perspective...
>
>There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
>distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of
>or at least minimize your time with draining, negative,
>incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the
>relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and
>which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
>Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
>downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel
>worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,
>know, or appreciate you?
>
>The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
>truth around you ...the easier it will become for you to decide who
>gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony
>of your life.
>
>An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
>open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved
>and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation,
>immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem
>make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't
>fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
>faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to
>someone, over time, his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves,
>and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate
>and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn
>how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
>
>You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional
>needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You are two
>unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life
>together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for
>each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you
>compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
>compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do
>you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
>You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
>someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
>spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making
>someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
>pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to
>be in a relationship.
>
>WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
>
>1. TRUST
>2. HONEST COMMUNICATION
>3. NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY
>4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
>5. SHARING OF TASKS
>6. SOME GETAWAY TIME , WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
>7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
>etc.)
>8. SHARING COMMON GOALS ,THOUGHTS AND INTERESTS
>9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECUR E
>
>10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND RE-ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
>
>If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
>resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain
>will replace the passion.
>
>There it goes . . .
>
>Success is nothing without someone meaningful to share it with....
With that said....go get some ass.....