(no subject)
Ok, got this from a blog that I read. . . . it's funny as hell as long as you aren't easily offended. . . .
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okay heres the 22 ways to make a girl smile, ruthless edition. i basically just posted it here so that i wouldnt lose it.
I HAD TO DO THIS. this is 22 ways to make a girl smile. found it, originally posted by saundra. i had to alter it so that it made sense. the top ones are the actual thing it says, the ones with my fancy star are my alterations.
1. Tell her she is beautiful (not fine, or sexy)
* Tell her she is beautiful, and when that dont work because that line is over used, put a 12 guage to her stomach and pull the trigger to avoid feeling like an utter moron.
This especially goes for the jocks, because you are utter morons. Plus, killing is cool.
2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
* Hold her hand, then gently take her other hand and apply it to your dick. If she gets the hint, your dick will be spraying semen in no time.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
* Kiss her on the forehead with your dick.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
* Leave her voice messages to wake up to. If youre working with an answering machine, be sure to yell stuff like, "BITCH, WAKE THE FUCK UP, COME OVER AND GET ME AND TAKE ME TO MCDONALDS, IM FUCKING HUNGRY. DAMN BITCH." If she dont wake up after that, walk to her house and stab her in the chest with a bouy knife.
5 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
* When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her everything is going to be okay. Gently apply pressure around her neck until she is unconcious. When she falls to the floor, go into her perse and steal all of her money and go spend it on cds n shit.
6 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
* Recognize the small things... like how you hate the wart that is sitting right next to her right lip on her vagina. Shave it off her while going down on her, she will thank you forever.
7 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
* Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with, because out off all of them, she gives the best head.
8 . Write her notes. (she loves them)
* Write her notes, and in them, drop suttle things about her that you wish she would change. Like her underware and attitude.
9 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.
* Introduce her to family and friends... as the worthless fuck buddy she is, and then discard her like she is trash.
10 . Play with her hair.
* Play with her pussy hair with your teeth, munch it out by the roots and spit it back in her face.
11 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.
* Pick her up, wrestle her into submission and then fuck her in the ass while shes down. She will come to with a splitting headache, but she will thank you after her poop backup comes out nice and smooth.
12 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
* Sit in the park and just talk to her about how you wish she would keep her family out of your life while she is in the fuck buddy position. Tell her that her job is to come over, please you sexually, and leave. If she desides to stay the night, tell her to stop hogging the covers and keep over in the bed.
13 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.
* Tell her she looks funny, she looks stupid, and her life is a joke. And that she is a joke to you. Dont forget that.
14 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
* Let her fall asleep in your arms after crushing her spine with a hammer. Ease her into her death, dont just let her fall on the floor.
15 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
* If shes mad at you, fuck her. Go into your room and close the door. Shes never gonna stop being mad after the first time because then she knows she can get away with it.
16 . Give her piggyback rides.
* Give her a piggyback ride to the side of a cliff, turn around and drop her off.
17 . Bring her flowers
* Bring her flowers laced with poisonous nerve gas. When she smells them, all kinds of cool shit will happen.
18 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
* Treat her like shit, always. Dont ever let her get away with shit.
19 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
* Look her in the eyes and smile while you shoot an arrow into her right lung.
20 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
* Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants, that way she can put them all over her own fucking myspace page.
21 . Kiss her in the rain.
* Kiss her before you toss her into a pit of fire.
22 . If your in love with her . . . tell her.
* If you only like her, just tell her you love her, it will get you your dick sucked really fast. but only the first time, after that she stops being useful flat out.
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okay heres the 22 ways to make a girl smile, ruthless edition. i basically just posted it here so that i wouldnt lose it.
I HAD TO DO THIS. this is 22 ways to make a girl smile. found it, originally posted by saundra. i had to alter it so that it made sense. the top ones are the actual thing it says, the ones with my fancy star are my alterations.
1. Tell her she is beautiful (not fine, or sexy)
* Tell her she is beautiful, and when that dont work because that line is over used, put a 12 guage to her stomach and pull the trigger to avoid feeling like an utter moron.
This especially goes for the jocks, because you are utter morons. Plus, killing is cool.
2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
* Hold her hand, then gently take her other hand and apply it to your dick. If she gets the hint, your dick will be spraying semen in no time.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
* Kiss her on the forehead with your dick.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
* Leave her voice messages to wake up to. If youre working with an answering machine, be sure to yell stuff like, "BITCH, WAKE THE FUCK UP, COME OVER AND GET ME AND TAKE ME TO MCDONALDS, IM FUCKING HUNGRY. DAMN BITCH." If she dont wake up after that, walk to her house and stab her in the chest with a bouy knife.
5 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
* When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her everything is going to be okay. Gently apply pressure around her neck until she is unconcious. When she falls to the floor, go into her perse and steal all of her money and go spend it on cds n shit.
6 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
* Recognize the small things... like how you hate the wart that is sitting right next to her right lip on her vagina. Shave it off her while going down on her, she will thank you forever.
7 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
* Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with, because out off all of them, she gives the best head.
8 . Write her notes. (she loves them)
* Write her notes, and in them, drop suttle things about her that you wish she would change. Like her underware and attitude.
9 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.
* Introduce her to family and friends... as the worthless fuck buddy she is, and then discard her like she is trash.
10 . Play with her hair.
* Play with her pussy hair with your teeth, munch it out by the roots and spit it back in her face.
11 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.
* Pick her up, wrestle her into submission and then fuck her in the ass while shes down. She will come to with a splitting headache, but she will thank you after her poop backup comes out nice and smooth.
12 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
* Sit in the park and just talk to her about how you wish she would keep her family out of your life while she is in the fuck buddy position. Tell her that her job is to come over, please you sexually, and leave. If she desides to stay the night, tell her to stop hogging the covers and keep over in the bed.
13 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.
* Tell her she looks funny, she looks stupid, and her life is a joke. And that she is a joke to you. Dont forget that.
14 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
* Let her fall asleep in your arms after crushing her spine with a hammer. Ease her into her death, dont just let her fall on the floor.
15 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
* If shes mad at you, fuck her. Go into your room and close the door. Shes never gonna stop being mad after the first time because then she knows she can get away with it.
16 . Give her piggyback rides.
* Give her a piggyback ride to the side of a cliff, turn around and drop her off.
17 . Bring her flowers
* Bring her flowers laced with poisonous nerve gas. When she smells them, all kinds of cool shit will happen.
18 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
* Treat her like shit, always. Dont ever let her get away with shit.
19 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
* Look her in the eyes and smile while you shoot an arrow into her right lung.
20 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
* Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants, that way she can put them all over her own fucking myspace page.
21 . Kiss her in the rain.
* Kiss her before you toss her into a pit of fire.
22 . If your in love with her . . . tell her.
* If you only like her, just tell her you love her, it will get you your dick sucked really fast. but only the first time, after that she stops being useful flat out.