confuzed
...i graduated friday **waves tiny flag** hooray....all my family came down it was fun...everything was looking great, i even banked out ith about $400 bucks, which i will put into savings for school....but yesterday it fell....Nick wants me to go to Chicago with im for a week for a graduation gift (fuck im already starting to cry...) i was so exided! a chance to get away from my house for awhile! be fee!! see fireflies!! (witch i have never seen in my life) a chance to see whats out there. but when it came time to ask my mom she didnt like taht idea. she told me "well your 18 and i cant stop you from going. Im not saying yes and im not saying no. Just know if you do go there will be problems in this house when you get back" ...talk about guilt trip... she also told me that she didnt really trust my going that far with him. i was upset but i kindda let it go. I tought about it more, and it was starting to bug me. My parents are VERY pretetive of me...i have a curfew of 7:00 on weeknights and if im lucky 12 on weekends...they think they have to wait up for me untill i come home. its like they think im not going to come home. it been more or less like this for 18 years. im startin to get sick of it. but i havent really said anything. iv never given them any trubble, iv always come home on time with a very few exceptions. iv nevr disrespected them iv been a good kid...after i was thinking about all this i was upset. i really really really wanted to go. but i would feel wrong if i went with out my parents concent, Well i talked with Nick's brother, his wife and his mom about the subject. basicly it was are toy going to be 25, still living at house with a cerfew of 7? you have to take controle of your life sometime. They said that they are afraid of looseing me. And this is why they act the way they act. Well Nick's mom offered to talk with my mom, figured it would urt anything. so i agreeded. well today i was over at Nick my mom called and asked me if i was home and what not (she was fine with me being at nicks) befor we hung up i told her that Nicks mom wants to talk to you about me goingto Chicago. She said "what the hell for its not going to change my mind?" ten she told me to come home. I was fucking scared, by then i was already crying. i can home and she sat me in the living room where my dad was watching TV. then she says bluntly "well go ahead and ask him! You want to go so bad! Ask him!" i frozze. i could say a thing, finally she had to tell my dad that i wanted to go with Nick to chicago for a week. he sat up and said "what the fuck for! No! your stupid just for even asking me taht!" my mom then went on a rampage aout how fucing stupid and anoying nick was and how immiture and how she fucking hates him and never like him and neither dose my family. She told me taht i could get hurt. She basicly told me that he could fucking rape and kill me and that i would be there and i wouldnt have any way to get home. MY mom told me if i go there will be problems at home, tat she would take my car and everything away from me. She doesnt understand why i want to go so much.....Then my dad busts in "let her fucken go but just let her stay there! Dont let her come home!"....great now if i go i might not have a home to come home to....but i dont think my mom would let that happen....
...i really want to go, if i go i loose everything with my parents, our strong realationship that i have with them. If i dont go then i stay caged in my room till im fucking 20, like a child.....i dont know what to do...i have less then 2 days to decide if i go or not....im so lost and confuzed...i feel like a horrible child to my parents cuz now there not talking to me. I dont know if what i do will be right. im so lost....i dont know what to do...this could be a major turnin point in my life, a chance to take over my life, to control it not my parents if i go....or it could mean a disaster.....i just want to curl up and die....to rot....i dont know what to do....
...i really want to go, if i go i loose everything with my parents, our strong realationship that i have with them. If i dont go then i stay caged in my room till im fucking 20, like a child.....i dont know what to do...i have less then 2 days to decide if i go or not....im so lost and confuzed...i feel like a horrible child to my parents cuz now there not talking to me. I dont know if what i do will be right. im so lost....i dont know what to do...this could be a major turnin point in my life, a chance to take over my life, to control it not my parents if i go....or it could mean a disaster.....i just want to curl up and die....to rot....i dont know what to do....